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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

would you / should you have kids with you when dog is PTS?

41 replies

Missanneshirley · 18/10/2015 21:22

Kids are 4 and 8 - dog much loved - PTS is inevitable over next day or so and I'm just not sure how involved they should be or what is the best way for them to say goodbye - any advice or experiences to share would be much appreciated

OP posts:

lavendersun · 18/10/2015 21:29

Well, I took DD at 4 because I didn't have any other option. She was fine with it all (as I sobbed all the way there, through and home).

When DH got home she ran outside and said 'Dad, Dad, Mummy took MinMin to the vets and now she is dead', 'Can we look at her yet Mummy, is she a skeleton'?

She then demanded her blanket back - I had suggested that it might be nice for her to be wrapped / buried in one of her baby blankets, which she was.

So, I reckon the four year old will be fine, based on my experience, not sure about the 8 year old.

Wolfiefan · 18/10/2015 21:33

I had my cat pts in July. I didn't know for sure it would happen. I told the kids the day before the appt that if the vet could make her better then of course we would but if they couldn't make her better then she would die. Tears of course.
But I wouldn't want them there. Partly as I was upset. Partly as I needed to talk to the vet. Partly as I don't want them scared of having an injection. I didn't want that to be their last memory of their pet and I wanted all my attention to be on my cat until she was gone.
I took her whilst they were at school.
I avoided language like put to sleep and mention of injections. Kids need us to be clear.
It's horrid. Still some tears here.

Original poster

Missanneshirley · 18/10/2015 21:39

Yes I felt terribly harsh today saying he was most likely going to DIE but otherwise they just kept saying but the vet will fix him again (old lab, he's had various health issues and always bounced back).
I thought I had read somewhere that the vet could hook him up for the injection then cover with a blanket so they couldn't see?
Maybe you're right though about saying bye in a happy place

OP posts:

lavendersun · 18/10/2015 21:44

There was nothing gory missanneshirly, just a little shaved bit of leg and an overdose of sedation, falling to sleep while being stroked/held by us.

I will do it again with small animals when the time comes if I have to (as in no one to leave DD with) as it is just so gentle ..... unlike my horses where the fall to the floor is so awful to watch.

catsrus · 18/10/2015 21:46

I've always taken mine from an early age - I think they were about 5, 7, 8 when the first dog was pts. We went as a family. We always stressed that this was part of the responsibility of having, loving and taking care of an aminal, being with it at the end and making sure it was calm and happy surrounded by people it loved and trusted. Weeping and wailing only allowed after it was over - the focus has to be on the animal feeling safe.

My DC are all adults now and have been through it many times (lots of pets) they know that it's better to let an animal go a bit early than have its last experiences be of suffering - we took an elderly neighbours dog to be pts for her, she really had left it too long and it was a real lesson for my DC in why you should not hang onto a pet for your own selfish reasons

I would take them, telling them this is the last act of kindness they can do for a pet. Bursting into tears while going out the door and getting into the car afterwards is perfectly normal, it's never "just a dog" is it.

Wolfiefan · 18/10/2015 21:46

My cat would have freaked at being covered over. I just knew I'd be a mess and I didn't want to have to comfort them when I should be comforting my cat.

SonceyD0g · 18/10/2015 21:47

No because it's not nice at all. I needed to get over my upset before dealing with theirs. But they did see the dog afterwards (she was put to sleep at home). They were 8 and 15 at the time. They were very upset as the dog was 17 and had always been in their lives.

BestIsWest · 18/10/2015 21:47

I'm not sure tbh. We were all there with our boy and it was very peaceful but my youngest is 17. I would talk to your vet to see what they think. When we had our GR PTS 12 years ago and DCs were 5 and 10 I went on my own.

Original poster

Missanneshirley · 18/10/2015 21:54

I've been there for the family dog but was early 20s then, whole different ball game, although I suppose at least I know what to expect. I think I might see if the vet can come to the house, that might seem less scary. On phone so can't scroll up but I do agree with whoever said it's part of having a pet

OP posts:

catsrus · 18/10/2015 22:02

Dealing with death is something we all have to come to terms with - I think having to deal with it in a pet is one way to help our DC begin to understand the reality of life and mortality. Every hamster, rabbit, Guinea pig, rat etc that my DC had helped them understand - and they pretty much came along every time one of their own pets was pts. Its part of the deal in our house. If you take ownership of its life your final job is to be with it at the end.

Yes it's hard, but it really is a part of life we can't hide from, and shouldn't.

Wolfiefan · 18/10/2015 22:06

Yes but my children were 5 and 12. They shouldn't have to see their pet die.
It's not their job to be there until the end. It's mine. If my older child wanted to be there in a few years or because it was his pet then that's different.
They can come to terms with death without seeing the process.

pinktransit · 18/10/2015 22:12

I wouldn't, as sometimes it doesn't go as planned.
It should be a quick shave of leg, injection, pet goes to sleep - all calm and not unpleasant.

When my german shepherd was pts, for her it was all fine, but at the last minute instead of just leaning against me and going, she actually fell the other way and just slammed into the floor.

I was heartbroken, and it wouldn't have been the last memory of a much loved pet that I would want for my children, whatever their age.

Let them say goodbye, if they want to see him/her afterwards, then I'd say that's fine. Just not the actual moment itself.

fakenamefornow · 18/10/2015 22:13

I would explain what will happen and ask them if they want to come.

Wolfiefan · 18/10/2015 22:15

In the end my girl went very calmly and quickly. I used the last seconds to tell her we loved her etc. I will always treasure that time, be thankful for the chance to say a proper goodbye and remember my last kiss (ok more than one!) of her great fluffy head.

Lowdoorinthewall · 18/10/2015 22:27

We had much loved dog pts a couple of weeks ago. We arranged her appointment so DS (just 5) didn't have to come with us. I knew DH and I would both cry and I didn't want DS to see that yet.

I remember seeing my mum cry for the first time when granddad died and being so scared at the possibility that adults weren't always in control. DS is a bit socially immature and isn't ready for that yet.

Floralnomad · 18/10/2015 22:52

I wouldn't take them ,I agree that children need to know about death and dying but they don't have to actually see it and as you cannot be sure of their reaction I just wouldn't . I would involve them in either the cremation or burial though . My first experience of seeing an animal PTS was when I was about 15 and I took my dog ,my own choice to deal with it myself and I've done several since then including 4 horses ,I always have my horses PTS by injection and it's no more or less distressing to see than a dog or cat IME .

Catzpyjamas · 18/10/2015 23:01

No, I wouldn't and I have been there for a lot of pets being pts. It's a really difficult thing for the adult owners to deal with never mind small DCs. I would let them say goodbye at home first and explain what will happen.
The Blue Cross offer great advice on their website about helping children with pet loss.

Floralnomad · 19/10/2015 00:25

And another thought at the centre of this is your lovely dog who I'm sure you think deserves your undivided attention at this most important moment ,will you honestly be able to provide that for your pet if you have to worry about your DC being there and how they are feeling ?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 19/10/2015 14:34

I wouldn't. I found the agonal gasps of my old dog very hard to cope with (and I am experienced in sitting with dying humans). I would let them say goodbye in a pleasant place then go on to the vets without the kids.

pebbletime · 21/10/2015 13:59

My lovely old spaniel was PTS when ds was 3.
Vet wouldn't allow ds in: 'we prefer children not to be present'.
I thought it better too. Teenagers, maybe, but under about 12 I think is risky.
Ds saw dog after and we buried him in special place with blanket, pics and letters etc.

2 days later ds himself had to have a GA for a tongue tie.
At the hospital they told me he would 'go under very quick'.
Like with dear dog it was almost before the plunger in the needle was fully depressed that he lost consciousness.
Obviously it was well done and I knew the difference,
But it was too much for me and
I howled.

TheTigerIsOut · 21/10/2015 14:48

I wouldn't, especially if the dog has been with them all their lives. I think it is much better that you allow them to spend some time with the dog (mine spent hours sitting with the dog in his favourite spot in the Sun), let them say good bye and ensure they are not at home when you walk out the door with the dog in the direction of the vet.

DS was 11 when our last dog was PTS, I asked him if he wanted to come and he said no. Considering how much he cried when he got the dog's collar back, I think it was the right decision.

I wanted to be with the dog for the dog's sake, but I still cannot get off my my mind his eyes looking at me when I tried to reassure him that things were "ok" (he got his little leg hurt when they injected him )

catsrus · 21/10/2015 17:13

all I can say is that my dc have seen multiple pets pts, I've never regretted them being there and I know that their beloved pets were comforted by them being there. (We had a number of pets before dc came along, so they were quite elderly when my dc were small). One old dog was totally devoted to my dd, who was then 8. It would have been very wrong for them not to be together at the end. I have had some animals pts with just me there - usually because of accident or sudden trauma calling for an instant decision in the animal's best interests. In the end that's what it comes down to but I do believe we have a responsibility to help those we love leave this life peacefully, and the death of an animal was a good way, for me, to introduce that to my dc.

They are all adults now - and would not hesitate to be with a pet at the end.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2015 17:22

I'm going to give another perspective here.

I know people think they are protecting their chikdren from seeing this and there's probably no right or wrong decision here. but I was animal mad as a kid. I knew quite early on that it's just what you did when your pet got too sick. my parents never let me be there with them at the vets and I hated them for that. even though first time with the first cat I was quite young, I still wanted to be there and I remember being so upset both times that they wouldn't allow me to even when I was a bit older they didn't let me second time around.

they thought they were saving me from upset.

as a young kid I resented them for not letting me he there with cat we'd had my whole life (til that point)

I hope whatever you decided op it all went ok. so sorry about your beautiful dog

KatharineClifton · 21/10/2015 17:27

I didn't, it really is horrible watching the dying. My 12 year olds came downstairs once it was done, then we buried her. Just in case you didn't know, it doesn't cost much more to have them come to the house and it's far better all round.

If you've not had to have a dog put to sleep before be prepared for tremendous grief and guilt. I completely fell apart after my first one. Not so bad after the second, but still pretty damn bad. Hadn't anticipated it all after so many years of cat 'ownership' but it's a whole other ball park with dogs.

KatharineClifton · 21/10/2015 17:30

Ah, read through the thread now.

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