would you / should you have kids with you when dog is PTS?

[Missanneshirley]

Kids are 4 and 8 - dog much loved - PTS is inevitable over next day or so and I'm just not sure how involved they should be or what is the best way for them to say goodbye - any advice or experiences to share would be much appreciated

My sons dog had cancer at nearly 5 and I gave him the option to come with me. He was amazing much better than me he held his emotions together until she had passed away me not so much at all. Was very very proud of him he was 11.

It's a tough one. I would judge yourself how sensitive your children are as it can be traumatic. That said, my mum made my dad take our beloved cat to be PTS alone and wouldn't allow me to go with as she said I'd be 'hysterical' (she's always been prone to exaggeration). I was 18! It's really stayed with me over the years that I wasn't there for him at the end, so if you think they can handle it then it may well be a very cathartic experience for them.

As others have said, it's part and parcel of owning a pet, and a way of learning about mortality.

It is a tough one but having seen many animals PTS (I work in a veterinary practice) I would lean more towards no because of the small chance of the procedure not being straightforward. There can sometimes be agonal breathing, uncoordinated limb movements and defecation or urination which can be distressing. I must stress that it is usually a very quick and peaceful event but for the small chance of something going wrong as someone mentioned earlier I'd worry that your attention might be torn two ways.

A compromise might be for them to accompany you to the surgery, have the vet do the prep, put in a catheter etc. and then they can come into the room for one last goodbye before leaving for the actual injection, +/- coming back in afterwards once all wrapped up peacefully in a blanket and helping with cremation or burial choices. They could also be involved in collecting the collar and perhaps a lock of hair or a paw print, the nurses can help you with all of these.

I've had DC at vets with pets being pts, and i think, or i did think it was a good way to do it, IF they wanted to be there.

BUT... hearing the appalling noise that an animal can potentially make is enough to put an adult off that being their last memory of a dearly beloved pet and i would think it absolutely devastating for a DC to hear that noise it can be extremely hard to forget for your dearly beloved pets last dying moments.

I think if they are old enough to have this explained to them beforehand and still want to do it, then fair enough, but if they are too young to properly understand it then avoid!

What i wonder about that awful noise, is why it doesn't happen when they are put to sleep whilst already under some form of sedation, which leaves me wondering whether it is actually the result of excruciating pain of massive heart attack!

I've just done a quick count. In the last 30yrs I've been with 7 dogs and 8 cats when they were pts, my DC were with me for 5 of the dogs and 4 of the cats. All of the deaths have been peaceful and gentle.ive never experienced any awful noise - I'm sure it would have changed my views if I had - but I can only go on my own experience - which has been overwhelmingly positive.

We've not taken our children when any of our pets have been put down and I wasn't there for our family dogs deaths either. I don't have any regrets.

My family brought our dogs home to be buried, so I got an idea about death through handling their dead bodies and tucking them up in their graves. More upsetting with the second dog as he'd gone into rigour mortis and also because we'd not expected him to die. He suddenly got very sick and my mother drove off to some specialist dog hospital and came back with him dead so it was a big shock. My mum was pretty devastated so no chance of us missing her grief (not the first time either, I can remember comforting her when her best friend died of a brain tumour and feeling rather proud and grown up - I think I was about six at the time).

Our children were pretty young when our first cat was put down (we'd had cats that died before, but not been euthanised) and it was a bit brutal as he died from just the local anaesthetic so we weren't at all prepared. Our next cat we were a bit conflicted about as she was disabled rather than dying (we had quality of life concerns and didn't want to leave it too late).

Now we have teens I'd leave the choice to them, but at four and eight I'd probably either leave them at home or follow toboldlygo's advice. If you can have the vet visit you then I think that's great rather than have their last experience in a place they likely hate.

I wouldn't. Occasionally an animal struggles when it feels that loss of control. Yes it's quick but it's not always calm and peaceful and as a child I would not have wanted to witness that (even though it's the best thing to do for the animal and part of being a responsible owner). I dealt with the loss of my pets just fine as a child without actually seeing them die.

I also agree that the animal deserves its owner's full attention at that moment.

I think its a very tough call to make, as the struggling and screams are very shocking and extremely diffcult to forget and do cause huge trauma to adults, especially when i seriously wonder how many vets explain in advance that this is a very real possibility.

yes, think it is a much kinder thing to leave the animal at home to avoid that end of life stress of going into the vets, especially cats who hate to leave their territory in a box, unless its part of the situation at the time.

I am shocked that of all the animals i have had PTS no vet ever explained the dreadful pained/terrified noise some do make to prepare me/us for that and it has been many years on that i researched that for myself to find out the issues around it.

so i am now erring onthe side of kinky about future decisions around this. Most are peaceful and its so helpful for the animal, to be there at the end, and owner to be at their side when they pass peacefully.

Thank you all so much. In the end it all had to happen very quickly so dh was there with the dog and I was at home with the DCS. They knew it was going to happen soon and dh texted before he went in, so actually we had a very sad but nice time sitting talking about him and looking at pics while it was happening. Dh brought him home to bury so I got to go and give him a good cuddle. DCS never mentioned the fact that they weren't at the vet, I dont think they even knew it might have been an option. I am happy with how it all went in terms of their experience of it however my eldest was upset when she realised the dog had been at home and she could have seen him before he was buried. But I don't know if in reality she could have coped with seeing his body? She said she just wanted a last cuddle

Sorry for your loss OP.

Wrt seeing the body, I can't see the harm in children viewing the body to say a final goodbye. In death animals look very much like they are sleeping (unlike people who in my limited experience look very different), although they do feel different if you touch them.

I said my first kitty goodbye when I was 8. He was all wrapped up in a blanket in a box and I was able to give his head a kiss goodbye. My second cat sadly drowned and my parents did not let me see her, for completely understandable reasons. I think each case should be judged on its own circumstances.

I'm so sorry :(

sweet dreams precious puppy

I feel bad for not giving her the chance but it really didn't occur to me. He was a big bulky dog and came straight home from the vet wrapped in a blanket so was still warm and very much just the way he was when sleeping. I did find it odd (tho lovely) patting him, don't know what dd would have thought. Just glad he isn't suffering any more he was so poorly at the end

very sad for your loss Missanneshirley It was lovely that you had him come home after and the chance for a cuddle. very precious.

We have had animals lay in their baskets wrapped in blankets (but on show) to show all the other animals and DCs that they are gone and just their body left. We then buried. I have to say I always struggle with accepting they're dead when i see them this way, as they just look so alive still?!?!

keep expecting them to breathe, or having to tell myself that they definitely weren't breathing and were very cold and stiff by then too.

Glad his suffering is over and he spent his life with such a wonderfully kind and caring family x he's obviously going to be missed

We were "lucky" in that our poor dog aged 5 died fairly peacefully with the vet coming to the house, needle in, just went to sleep - he did make some gasping noises which I understand is normal. I actually got DD aged 11 from school to be with him, he was the most enormous part of our lives (DD age 13 was already off school that day). He had a terrible illness and they needed to see that he died peacefully, it was a huge event in all our lives. We drove him to the pet crematorium, DD11 held him in her arms for 2 hours before and during. My only regret is that I held him as he died and he faced her, so she always says she was the last thing he saw, and did he blame her . She still sleeps with his blanket 7+ months on.

For us, all being together was essential.

So sorry OP, I just saw your update for some reason the last page didn't load before I posted. Sorry for your loss, it is very hard, but glad it went as well as it possibly could. Hope DCs are ok.

We buried our boy in the front garden, we planted a new tree in a large bed, we are still finishing it off but I have a slate memorial, just a small flat stone we had engraved, to put on his tree - the last of the leaves will probably fall tomorrow.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My DS carried a black soft toy cat around for a while after we lost our black cat. I think it was his way of having a last cuddle.
Thinking of you and your family at this awful time.