My parents want to get a staffy, should I tell them no?

[StarsInTheNightSky]

I don't have a huge amount of experience with the breed so I'm hoping that before I tell them no some of you could advise me please.

Background, DH and I own and live on a ranch in extremely remote South America. My parents have decided that they want to come out and live with us. We live in the main ranch house with our toddler DS, our housekeeper and her six year old daughter. The hands, foreman and their families all have houses (which we own) dotted around the main house, walking distance but not too close. We are renovating and extending one of the vacant houses for my parents, it's about half a mile away from the main house.

We have three giant breed, extremely protective and extremely dog aggressive rescue dogs (two Caucasian Ovcharkas and one Fila Brasiliero). They protect us and guard the ranch (lots of predators, including human ones where we live) and they are our adored family pets. We now have one other dog on the ranch, an orphaned stray pup taken in by one of the hand's children. We fenced off an acre of garden for them, and the rules are that the dog has to be leashed at all times when outside this area and that it is never allowed in the main house or our formal garden (DS' play area). My dogs have been taught to tolerate the dog on its leash on this basis.

My parents want to adopt a rescue dog from their local shelter in the UK before moving abroad, so we thought we could so the same with them, fenced acre, on leash at all other times, not in the main house or garden. This is apparently horrendously unfair to them and their dog (but that's a side issue).
They want to get either a staffy or a labrador, preferably a staffy. My question is, if they found one with the right temperament, would a staffy be capable of being very submissive and meek around my dogs, or would it try and play and be boisterous? My parents have said that what if their dog just got off the leash sometimes .
The only way my dogs would tolerate another dog is if it is grovelling and meek around them, or if it stays away from them, DH, DS and I completely, hence why I thought a rescue dog from our country would be a better bet as they tend to be better at that.

Any advice on the breed and temperament would be much appreciated, sorry for the long post, didn't want to drop feed.

Holy moly I've just googled your dogs

Holy moly I've just googled your dogs

OP I've been laughing at this thread's comments and the awful absurdity of your situation, but mostly wondering, do you actually want to see your parents? Do you feel like you want or need a relationship with them?
Do they think they're coming out to 'help' you?
Because in your circumstances, the only solution I can see is asking your Foreman/hands to drive them back to the airport every time they try it on. You and DH can't do it as the emotional manipulation would be ridiculous.
Can you write them an email staying they are not to come and that they won't be able to stay, then carry it out if they turn up?
You (and your dogs!) sound blimmin wonderful, and they sound pretty awful. They should be lightening your load, not dumping ten tonnes of stressful lead on it.

the only solution I can see is asking your Foreman/hands to drive them back to the airport every time they try it on.

This is inspired. Like rapid return for toddlers who won't sleep

I could come and stay for a while.

No help but your ranch sounds fabulous and your dogs are - amazing -

Tell the foreman he gets the house if he gets rid of them. Hellbeasts may assist if necessary.

If you get another dog- please can you name it Hellbeast OP?

I am not a good person. I am very sorry, especially as you aren't well but I'm laughing to myself even now at the thread that will be coming once they've arrived.

Just imaging the scene where one of your parents is pinned beneath the cuddly hell beast and screaming at one of the hands (in English natch) to get help. The hand calmly raises a quizzical eyebrow and says 'Que?' (Or whatever the local equivalent is.)

Sorry, sorry, sorry, it's not funny I know. Your parents sound so far beyond reasonable they are in a class of their own.

Goodness OP, what a situation.

I just wanted to add that any responsible UK rescue would not rehome a dog in this situation anyway- if they were aware that it was planned to be exported. There will be plenty of local dogs they could adopt instead if their daft to put it mildly plans come to fruition.

When I clicked on the thread I expected it to be about someone who was scared of a staffy being around the grandchildren. Then I saw your name OP and thought 'surely she's not scared of a little staffy' as I've seen you on here and know that you have your hell beasts!

Your parents are bonkers, to put it mildly.

I'm sorry to hear that you're unwell OP, the last thing you need is your parents foisting themselves on you - do they know how ill you are? Do you think that's maybe why they're so determined to come - would they be any help at all?

Stand your ground and tell them straight - or set the dogs on them

Your parents are bonkers, absolutely agree. No new dog should be brought into that environment with people who you know for a fact won't follow your very accommodating rules.

I do think on the parents front though, that you are guilty of sending a very mixed message. In the one hand you have told them you don't want them to come. Fair enough and sounds like a sanity saviour tbh!
Yet you are discussing what dog they may or may not bring, and rules for what that dog would be allowed to do. Plus renovating and extending a House for them?

Err, if they are as pigheaded and used to riding roughshod over you as much as they sound, is it any wonder that they aren't taking your 'no' seriously?

You are ill and need to put yourself first. Weigh up whether them coming is less stressful overall than telling them to keep the hell away. Set your rules and then let go of the stress and worry. Sounds like you have more than enough to contend with already. Hope you feel better soon.

Do they need a visa to come and live with you? I'd be tempted to write to whoever issues them and say you do not support them moving here?

It sounds so stressful for you.

If they do try and get a rescue dog, I'd also contact the rescue centre and explain. Actually I'd ring around all the local ones now and tell them not to rehome to your parents and explain why.

If they are living in/on your property then you get to set the rules!

Do you actually want them to move out to live with you?

Could they really, practically bring a dog with them? Interns of import restrictions..... What's it called......quarantine?

Have they looked into and considered the expense- though they do seem to do what they want.....

I think you are actually being very reasonable and sensible to say no.... It is really hard with parents, but it is your farm.

I love the way you just casually throw in "with humans they will pin rather than maim or kill "

Not the usual doghouse thread

Also it's a long flight (can they even get there direct) ..... Hugely stressful for the dog......

Bloody hell! I love dogs but I wouldn't ever relax in the vicinity of yours. I also wouldn't want my lovely rescue staffy anywhere near them. He's used to 'ordinary' dog interactions - a mutually enjoyable play/run around or a disinterested sniff. Your environment sounds very, very different.
Your parents are categorically not thinking of the needs of a common-or-garden UK rescue dog, staffy or otherwise.

I think this is the most fascinating thread i have ever read in the Doghouse. I have nothing to offer that hasn't been said but i am mightily interested in your lifestyle as it is so far removed from mine. Your Hellbeasts sound amazing but i wouldn't really want to be confronted by them.

Sorry for being absent, I haven't been very well again, and I just typed a huge reply but deleter it by accident. What a spanner!

Thank you for all of the replies and suggestions, and the well wishes, they've really cheered me up, and given us one good ideas on how to sort it out. I do have a very positive (well,for us, not my parents) update, more on that in a second.

Mrsjayy and OThe we don't have any photos but I will try to get some asap, it is hilarious, he looks so silly!

cocolepew thank you, I adore thm but I'm biased.

IAmACuboid you do have to laugh, its the only way to stay sane! Thank you for your suggestions, DH did use them, more on that in a moment

exitpursued thank you, you would be welcome

lilac he's met them before, not having to meet them again is incentive enough, but good idea. The hellbeasts would adore to help.

thechocolate DH says yes definitely he thinks it would be a great name, so do I, our housekeeper always calls the dogs "the satan-bears".

vatersay that made me laugh, and yep, spot on I beg .

ohthisisjust thank you, and nope, sadly the type to put their feet up and expect to be waited on.

who knows thank you, DH has solved it once and for all I think.

Yes, sadly they could bring a dog over, and they could get into the country fairly easily without visas (grrrrrr!). It is a very long way here though, two jumbo jet flights, then another smaller jet flight, then thre might aircraft flights, then a five hour drive along sometimes impassable roads. It would be hell for a poor dog, it makes me furious them even thinking about putting any animal through that.

Sorry, part post as I didn't want to accidentally delete again.

So an update, I have some heart problems, and my health has taken a bit of turn for the worse over the last day (raised blood pressure causing problema), not debilitating, but not great. DH has been savagely angry with my parents and called them to tell then that if the came, he would get one of our hands to drive them back to town every single time. He also told them that the main gates would be closed and locked at all times, and electrified in case they were crazy enough to try to scale them (anything is possible).

He got the rant of but we need to be there, etc etc along with the usual guilt tripping so firmly told them that my health was suffering from their behaviour and that he wouldn't stand for it. They then said, and this is the absolute truth, "well stars is dying anyway, how much worse can her health get?" . DH was apparently speechless with rage for second so they ploughed on, and my mother then said "besides, we need to live there so that DS starts seeing me as his mum, so that when stars dies it won't bother him". . She also told DH that he would be better off without me as he'd get the ranch and all of my money (everything is actually in joint names) and he wouldn't be stuck with me.

DH told them that they were never welcome on our ranch again and that if they arrived he'd be waiting with the dogs and gun. DH is normally the most laid back person on the planet but I am cheering at this, my parents have stopped their house sale and aren't moving in with us anymore!!! . I think we will be no contact with them from now on, I think it would make life much happier for us, and I just can't get over my anger at my own mother wanting to replace me as my son's mum. WTAF?!?

Aaargh, why is life not simple? Hopefully now it will be, I just need to get my head around the latest parent mindf*ck.

Also, for the record, although I am very ill, and the cancer hasn't responded so far to treatment or surgery, and the prognosis isn't great, I don't have one foot in the grave!!! . I am still determined to stay alive!

Oh stars that horrible and brilliant all at once. I'm sorry your parents are so awlful and making everything worse. Great news that they will be leaving you alone though. I really do wish you all the best with your health and I'm so sorry you are going through this.

New to the thread - wtaf!!!! Stars, your dh sounds awesome (nearly as great as your dogs ). Your parents sound like, well, I'm speechless. Get them out of your life and concentrate on you, your health, your dh and ds and dogs. Much strength to you.

Good Grief!

What horrible things to say - and from your own mother.