Its BurningBridges whose dog died 10 weeks ago - am I really getting a rescue next week? Worried.

[BurningBridges]

Hi everyone, old friends who helped me when Pickle died on 10th March, and anyone new coming in to read. To update, Pickle was 5 years old cockerpoo, had to be put to sleep after developing necrotising pancreatitis after an exploratory op. We still blame ourselves for allowing the initial operation, and also think we should have given him another chance after his relapse. The grief has been all consuming.

So, 10 weeks on, I have accepted a new job, 3 days a week. And tseen a rescue dog that we all loved - this is after DH said no more dogs - made enquiries about him and hey, he's ready now and now we are having a home check next week. I feel my life has been thrown into chaos - by me. When we got Pickle 5+ years ago as a puppy we had 3 months to prepare from confirmed pregnancy to the date we got him. Now we are looking at a 2 year old mongrel. I feel so overwhelmed. I am out of the house from 7.30 to 4pm at least one day a week, maybe 2, so am putting some dog walking pals in place to help - but I would have preferred to take care of him myself. What will his needs be? And I need to fit in training.

DH is retiring next year but that means over a year of trying to sort out additional care for dog.

Have I made a real mess of this? Should we have waited longer? Is 10 weeks ok to go from caring for a precious beloved pet, and him being PTS in your arms, to saying oh yeah lets get a rescue dog even though I have just started new job?

You will be fine! Congratulations! How really exciting. We had a massive dog-sized hole in our house which needed filling when our beloved ddog was put down. At the moment we have 4 dogs, although we will probably be down to 3 as our oldie is very, very old. We have a lot of bovver on our hands and at least 2 dogs who don't especially like children and have big mouthfuls of teeth.

I expect you will start feeling better with the new arrival. It doesn't make the dog you lost any less, and there are some dogs that are just very special. But you can enjoy the new one with all his foibles!

Thank you Tiger - but what about leaving the dog alone sometimes - I know its only 4 hours at a stretch but we never left Pickle that long; so I will go to work, in the middle of the day a dog walker friend comes in, is that really enough? Obviously there are at least 5 other days in a week when he has me/DH 24/7 but really - is that acceptable when done knowingly? It wasn't an accident of circumstances, I am getting this dog knowing I have to be out of house for 1 or 2 days a week.

I'm sorry for your loss

Within about three weeks we had two new cats about my beautiful cat had been put to sleep from the rescue place. Don't care if people think it was too soon. Given that the two cats picked us, tell them we can't have them yet as we haven't waited enough time. They needed a home, they've had that for two years now. We love them, they helped us, we helped them, fuck the time scale.

I've no idea about dogs but as long as someone comes in during the day then I can't see why it won't work.

Lovely to hear congratulations to you all - I should imagine your girls are thrilled .

Sounds like you have everything in place and there's no reason why not. Rescues need rescuing!

Our little girl was 14 and died on the Monday. By Saturday, we were at the Dogs Trust "just looking" and 8 weeks later, brought home our rescue pup, who was born just a day before our old dog died... We felt she was meant for us and we were meant for her, and she wasn't going to wait.

Sometimes, because she was a pup and we were used to a doddery old, blind dog with dementia - I felt "wtf have we done?" - especially as it didn't seem to assuage the grief, at first. In fact some days, looking at this little white pup sitting where my old ginger girl used to be, I wondered what had happened... One didn't replace the other but the new one definitely occupied my thoughts and took my mind off my beautiful old girl and grief. And I cried less and less for her.

I think maybe our old dogs know when it's time and send the new one to us!

I waited two months after my ddog who I had for nearly 16 years was PTS before getting another dog as the house was just so empty with out a dog in it. My new fur baby picked me,he was born on the day my old ddog was pts.
He didn't replace my other dog but he filled that dog shaped hole in my life and I love him just as much as my old boy and having him to care for definitely helped with the grief of losing my boy.
With leaving a dog for a few hours a day my father does this and me and my sisters take turns going there to in the day to walk let out to toilet ect and his dogs cope just fine with the arrangement.
I think since your rescue is not a puppy this should be fine it would be harder if it was a puppy as they need more suppervison and taking to toilet more often.
Good luck with your new dog.

Mumsnetters, I remain worried. In fact I've worked myself up into a right state, although my DDs and DH have their reservations too I think mine are more - um - overt! He's coming on Friday, I have seen some more photos. He looks like a different dog. I can only assume he went downhill after the original photos were taken (dog rescued from Romanian "kennels"). He now looks like an Alsatian cross, something we would never have considered. He's bigger and hairier than we wanted, apparently he sheds by the handful.

I don't quite know how to explain my concerns - well, some basic stuff like arranging feeding and sleeping etc., I suppose really I am saying I am not sure I can love this dog. I am not even sure I can like him a lot. Since we finally agreed to take him I've cried for my previous dog even more, having trouble sleeping, can't concentrate etc.

When we got our first dog it was an exciting trip to see a bunch of tiny puppies, we were so happy it was like a dozen Christmases. But this feels so wrong. Either that or I am completely over-reacting, making it out to be a catastrophe etc., - should we have waited longer?

Sounds like you don't want this particular dog. Can you just go to visit him without committing to getting him?

I think you are just daunted. Its like giving birth to a teenager! FWIW we got given a third rehomed labradoodle who was a year old (our others arrived as puppies). She drove me mad for about a year before she settled down. BUT she has been ill recently, we nearly lost her, could still and it has made us realise how much we all love her to bits. If it is anything like my experience, it will be different, the new dog will try your patience as you get to know each other, but I can assure you, you will come to love him too

That's reassuring elastamum thank you.

Cocktail he's been placed with a volunteer for a few days till we can get to pick him up, then we have a trial or foster whatever you want to call it - for a week or so. But I am worried we'll feel so guilty even if he is wrong for us we wont want to tell the rescue. I think this a general problem with European rescues, you can only see a photo first.

I think you're still grieving and that's utterly normal and fine. Even after we got our new pup, I still looked at her some days and cried my heart out for our old dog, who I loved beyond all things and always will.

You are fostering, so no risk - emphasise that to yourself. And maybe he will win a little corner of your heart once you know him. If he doesn't - you have tried. Nothing to lose.

You must really try hard not to feel bad about your feelings. I think they're completely natural.

If you are taking him on trial/foster then it's understood that he may not be the perfect fit for you and your family. Hopefully, you can go for it with an open mind and just be truthful with yourself about it.

The rescue will be prepared for dogs to be returned to them. It won't be the first time it's happened (for all kinds of reasons) but they will be able to find another foster until the dog finds its forever home.

Hopefully it will go well but, if not, don't feel bad. It might be too soon or it may not be the right dog. Better to say so at the beginning rather than after a year. Good luck and fingers crossed.

Thank you everyone. Today I had to go out and buy supplies for new dog, I was explaining to lady in the pet shop why he couldn't have treats yet and started crying. She gave me some free treats to put away for when new dog is able to have them.

I also went to my new job to look at the office and, guess what, dogs!! People are allowed to bring their dogs in! I was like - feel much better and more positive about it today, particularly after that. I know it won't be all plain sailing.

Thank you everyone for support - as we always say (well I do) I don't know how I would have got through all this without you.

We still live with 4 dogs. Our 2nd dog, Boris, who died at the end of 2013 was my chosen dog. I said I would leap into his grave to be with him when he died. I didn't, and instead we have rather a lot of other dogs. I love them all to bits and they are all different.

Our youngest rescue has ishoos, and our pup has ishoos, and the older dog isn't perfect, and our eldest is 17.5 and really on her last legs. I enjoy it when ishoos become non-ishoos. Most things are doable.

I do love your posts Tiger it sounds like a very happy home. Pickle was my Boris; I've yet to experience being able to love another dog but I will take heart from your account.

Thank you BurningBridges. Home life is not at all roses in the garden. It's often more like a bad bit of Eastenders or Thomas Hardy. I work very hard to make sense of family life and I am touched that you think we have a happy home.
I think your new dog will be ok. It wil take a while to get used to each other.
In the meantime, the oldie is ok, the younger dog is good out, but hell inside, and the rescue is terrified of newcomers and the pup has lots of teeth. And it's not good for the children. I have taken the dog to school, and they are going to a specialist sheepdog trainer. At the moment it alll feels very confusing....

Would you mind if I pm'd you about other stuff?

Hi Tiger, please do PM me I just came on here to talk about my dog who arrived today and is not happy, although I am not daft I know he needs lots of time but he really misses the people he was with earlier this week, his foster parents.

I am worried sick now as he is "bowing" (lies down on front with back legs in standing position) and his back legs seem a bit wobbly - this is a classic sign of pancreatitis, which killed our first dog 3 months ago. He has also tried to eat his poo which again can be a sign of pancreatitis. But then all these things can just be stress. I've notified the rescue they said its stress and I am over-worrying, not surprising after our first dog died - I am hyper vigilant for the same signs.

He's "bowing"under the table now, been there for a couple of hours, he was much more cheerful when he arrived, he did have some food, but now he seems utterly miserable.

Burning - try not to worry (easily said I know) - the chances of this dog also being affected by pancreatitis are infinitesimally small

He just needs time and space so that he can process another huge change in his life

Good luck

Thanks Basildon.

We're on a roller coaster this morning. He ignores DH and I but when the children come down he's very happy; then one of them had coco pops and he lost the plot - never seen him so animated; obviously he can't have coco pops. He was also like this when DH had museli so was thinking I would ask the rescue if he can have cereal?

Oddly for a dog that has spent most of his life being starved, he's very fussy about food when he does actually get it. I bought some good quality "trays" - Nature something or other - as recommended by his foster family - and he only likes the beef one, and then only if he picks every single pea out and drops it on the floor ...

He may have had bad experiences over food. Our incredibly greedy JRT is incredibly fussy too. Also takes the peas out of that nature one. But likes the chicken and rice. Tbh prefers human food.

If he likes the children that's a plus. Some might be cowering under a table. Your DCs must be great.

Good luck.

on the misery side, can someone sit with him under the table ? It's a nice small comforting place, and just sitting still, with a rug, might be great. Bit like the alarm clock hot water bottle trick with pups.

Hi Bridges, I don't have a lot of advice, but I wanted to tell you about the Romanian rescue I got two years ago.

He was a cute fluffy puppy in the pictures, but arrived a dirty, terrified creature. The 26 hour transport had clearly left him with a lot of stress which was never going to be worked out over night. He didn't like men, and spent a lot of the time desperate to be on my lap or behind my ankles.

Now, two years on, he's bold and happy and I couldn't imagine life without him. There are still nervy moments, and I don't think he's ever going to like my brother, but these are things we can work with.

I'm not saying it's all going to just click into place, or that it'll be easy it may take some time for this dog to become 'your dog'. And also that it's ok if he doesn't - if down the line you have to make some difficult decisions. But it doesn't sound like you are anywhere near that yet.

Give him time, if you can, both on the behaviour front, and on the food front. Every time you find something he likes, or which makes him comfortable you are taking a step forward, and you'll be learning stuff about him every day. In the past I've found those trays can be made a little more appealing if you warm them up a bit. I'm not sure whether feeding him little and often might help, especially if he's been starved in the past. Might be something to consider? Be consistent with the food - give it a week of offering him the same food; it might just take him a while to get used to it.

We lasted four weeks after our loss, before getting a puppy on death row in a pound. I was scared beforehand that it was too soon, what if we didn't love her, what if she didn't like us, etc.
I remember nervously checking her for all the stuff the old girl had-lumps and hips and heart murmur. She was fine, and she is a different girl to our old legend, but I'd do anything for her, she is doted on.
After the loss of a Great Dog you have so much love and nowhere to put it, how wonderful that we can pour it into a dog whose life has known no love or joy, or even simple pleasures of bin raiding and rolling in the grass!

Try giving him a whole, boiled egg (they can eat the shell) it acts as a toy and a snack. Stinking liver treats never get rejected and raw mince or mashed up tinned sardines are always popular additions to dinner. We buy a bag of frozen, value range mixed fish and stick some in the oven for dog dinners.
I so jealous of your work having dogs! Congratulations on your boy

Our lovely rescue dog is really badly traumatised. He eats only occasionally and certainly not enough to build him up again; if it goes on like this I will have to ask the rescue about getting protein food (like milkshake powder for dogs). He came out for a little while today, something frightened him and its back under the table and refusing food.

Also we are worried about DD being allergic to him - new thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2397324-DD-age-12-streaming-choking-hayfever-this-is-all-new-to-us-sadly-so-is-our-dog?msgid=54838196#54838196

When will we get a break?

Hi Burning, me again. I just wanted to tell you a bit about how we're getting on with Monty.

He is utterly adorable and I love having a dog in the house again. We're doing a bit of dog training and having a few little walks and the dds love him to bits, which is lovely for them as they never had that bond with Barney. Barney was our dog and didn't really like the dds. For them to have a dog that sits on their laps and loves being cuddled is a revelation for them. I'm so pleased that they've got that bond with him now.

And yet sometimes I look at him and feel guilty. It's actually been six months today since we lost Barney. God, I'd nearly forgotten. And it was a Sunday then, too. I feel guilty that I'm lavishing love and attention on a dog and it's not Barney. And I feel guilty that I compare Monty to Barney. Monty is just a baby. I forget that it took years of training to get Barney to where he was. He was a scatty clueless puppy once too.

It's always hard. You can't help but miss the old dog and wonder if you got it right. You just have to get on with the new dog that's come into your life. You're their family now and you have to do the best for them. For me that means not comparing Monty to Barney because that's not fair and Monty doesn't deserve it. And I know one day he'll mean as much to me as Barney did. I suppose I'm still grieving at the moment but I also know how lucky I am to have found Monty because he's lovely.

It's still early days. I think what you've done for this little rescued dog is wonderful. I think you need to give yourself a break and a big pat on the back.

You can always pm me if you want to.