HATE my dog

[sashNmax]

Sorry just need to vent. I have a 5 month old male beagle x and I seriously can't cope anymore. I wanted a dog for ages. Eventually my partner agreed (with the terms that he liked the breed) so we agreed on a beagle. We looked into it a lot and finally bought our puppy. We have quite an active lifestyle and I am usually a calm person so I thought we'd walk it. Couldn't be more wrong. he pees and poos everywhere. He appears to be house trained and then I'll let him out and bring him in then he'll go all over the floor. I'll be calm and it won't work. I'll show it him and he doesn't care. I catch him in the act and take him outside and he still goes inside! Barks and cries when he's alone. He jumps all over my 1 year old. Chases my cat bites all the time. I've always had dogs and read behavioural books but I'm losing my mind. The only thing I could give him credit for was coming to call off a lead. But today he's run out of our garden whilst I was watching. I've called him and he's not come back. I've run over walls and fences and he was under a bush eating something gross. He's now come home and sicked black stinky stuff all over my carpet. Took him out again and bent down to put him on the lead and he ran off and did it all again. Including throwing everything back up all over my carpet. I've been in tears for the past 2 hours. I don't know what to do. I love him when he's good but HATE him when he's bad. I feel for my little boy because I'm always telling the dog off for jumping on him so I can't spend the time I need with him. I grew up with dogs and I wanted my son to be able to have the same. But it's driving me insane. Everyone is telling me to get rid of him but i'd feel like i had let him down. I need some advice. PLEASE HELP.

i totally know how OP feels, we unexpectedly and were totally unprepared for a 10 month old 4 legged visitor (he was dumped on my door step by sons ex G/F) and stress levels were as high as they could possibly get, DD7 complained endlessly as he chewed her toys, jumped all over her first thing in the morning, and basically breathing, DH stessed out with his constant begging when he is eating, and his constant farting and generally smells, My son totally oblivious as he works nights and ME omg what with trying to keep the peace, walking, feeding, grooming as well as all the other daily household chores along with the constant indoor piddling (even walked in from the garden and piddled on me yesterday) BUT i know it will get better, he will calm down but it takes time and training, its early days for us as he only been here 5 weeks. We are currently on full discipline mode (not smacking) but it seems ignoring bad behavior and rewarding good is not working with this puppy, ignoring his bad behavior just seems to send him signals that its ok to continue with it, all dogs are different there is not wrong or right way, it depends on the dog, also keep posting the problems you having, there are a lot of people in the DOGHOUSE who are only too willing to give advice, or tell you what worked for them, but dont give up it will give you a good insight what you DS will be like during the terrible two's lol :)

Amantes what a cruel post . The OP has written that post at her wits end and your post is unkind in response . Would that be your RL response ?

Damn straight! I know it touched a nerve for you, Pippioddstocking but unlike you, op is going to work with her pup. I'm as happy about that as I am at the though of someone 'hating' their poor pup and ditching them for normal, puppy behaviour.

Op, your pup messing when he's away from you (upstairs) is a 'dirty protest' at being left alone. As with his dislike of being left in a crate, he has seperation anxiety.

This is completely normal in puppies. They need to learn that 'alone time' is OK. That nothing bad is going to happen, that they are safe without you and that you will return.

I would go back to crate training. It can take weeks to months, for them to settle happily and it really is worth persevering, because this will become his 'safe space'.

His safe space is somewhere for you to put him when needed (when popping out or even upstairs) and also somewhere safe for him to retreat to - an important thing to define in a busy family home.

Do you use a clicker? Is he food orientated? I'm making huge progress by teaching my dog 'standing still'. I come in the house, he bounces and paces with excitement. I totally ignore it. As soon as he is standing still, I say 'good boy standing still' and give him strokes.

He's 3 years old. A 5 month old puppy should get that very fast.

(I'm as happy about that as I am annoyed)

Hi again OP -I know what it's like, i think everyone feels like they hate their pup after a bad day! The weeing and pooing when you have a 1yr old must be very difficult.

I would recommend a behaviourist - we used one for our older dog, and he was excellent (an ex police dog trainer) - he charged £50ish for a home consultation, and worked with the dog on a 1-1 basis. They can deal with separation anxiety and so on - which is prob what's causing the wee/pooing while you're getting your baby to bed.

If you're in the Kent area, pm me and I'll send you his details.

Wrt crate training. If you choose to ahead, place a worn item of your clothing in the crate with him, leave the TV or a radio on, consider covering his crate (works for some), leave him for 5 minutes, go back, release. Try to release at a time when he's quiet. Add a couple of minutes per day until he starts to settle and then keep creating him for ten or twenty minutes daily, so that he stays in the habit of crate use.

OP - I was posting like you when my dog was 5 months old. I was beside myself at his behaviour. He (puppy) bit, he pulled, he stole, he had no recall... and he was to boot a picky eater and couldn't care less about treats, however "high value".

Some people can be very high-handed and make out it's the owner at fault, and not the dog. Well, all dogs are different. Some respond straightaway to training - some couldn't care less. In fact they're really just like children! "Experts" in books/online make it all sound so easy and it's easy to get downhearted when your dog doesn't immediately learn what's required.

I went to dog training for weeks on end and was in tears at how some dogs did whatever they were told and didn't take their eyes off their owner. My dog was only interested in bounding round the village hall and even the trainer eventually lost their temper with him.

Anyway, dog is now nearly 2 and he is the love of all our lives. He has his moments, but by and large he is the best dog in the world and two fingers to all those people with instantly obedient dogs. We got there in the end, it was just a longer and more arduous journey.

If I were you I would get a personal trainer. Someone to focus just on you and the dog. My trainer helped me with so many things, and moreover was a shoulder to lean (cry) on.

You have my sympathy our dog Eric was a pest at about five months too. Now he's just over a year old and the sweetest little dog and those bad days are long gone (but not forgotten)
It sounds like you need to go back to basics with it all,take him out every 20 minutes on a lead to toilet,if he doesn't go bring him in and carry him for five minutes before taking him back out.
For separation anxiety you need to start with him being left for five minutes and build up really slowly, I think at 5 months Eric could be left for fifteen minutes and now he's fine for up to four hours (no mess no upset from him) it's just a case of taking it slowly really.
I don't envy you having a pup and a baby though I found it tough and dd was 11 at the time.

I would be working on preventing the unwanted behaviours.

When he goes outside put him on a long line so you do not need to recall him - just get hold of the end of the long then call him and reward him.

Often at this age owners feel their dogs are house trained and just relax a bit so the puppies tend to forget. I would get back to taking him outside regularly. You will need to stay with him outside and reward him when he does wee or poo. If he wants to be with you he probably goes outside then rushes to get back to be with you rather than concentrating on weeing etc.

Can he be restrained in a smallish area when indoors? Not a crate if that is causing more trauma. The hopefully the cat can be encouraged to not enter that area and your DC will not be jumped on. Put him in this area after exercise or a game when he is tired and so he learns that this is chill out time - you could give him his food in a kong in the restricted area

What is he being feed?

When the dog comes out of this area can he be on a lead and be taught that he needs to be chilled and calm when in the rest of the house.

To build up on him getting used to being left - sit with him in his safe area but ignore him. For a second go out and then come back into the room but ignore him. You could throw treats on the floor as you leave to side track him. Just gently and slowly increase the time he is left.

This may not be possible but if you have a big garden it can make life easier if you fence off a small area so that you can control what he finds in it.

You have had babies and horses - you can do this

sounds weird but is he getting enough sleep? our pup was ultra-badly-behaved when he needed a nap - just like a child! He would get over tired and fight it.

You sound like you are really struggling - but please, your pup is only 5 months, 20 weeks, old. I'm not judging you, but you do need to remember that!
I have had dogs for years, and each time I get a new pup, I find I have forgotten just what hard work a puppy can be. The house training [youngest Ddog still asking to go out for a pee in the middle of the night at nearly 10 months] the chewing, the play biting, the hours of training...
Don't worry, you are not alone!

House training at 5 months is usually well under way, but not complete. Have a look at this:

here
which should help, it did me.

There is a lot of good information on the same FB page, including on separation anxiety, play biting and jumping up. Well worth a look.

I would also go back to a training class, choose one which uses positive reinforcement and learn fun stuff to do with your dog, perhaps learn clicker training. Remember, the devil makes works for idle [or bored] paws!

No advice, just sympathy. We always has dogs growing up so I thought I was prepared. Duh. Our lab was/is such an utter arsehole at times that I thought I was losing my mind. Now 15 months old, started being less of an arsehole at around 12 months. Now 90% wonderful 10% arsehole. Hang in there

Novice here - but I assume you know all about Kongs for when you go upstairs? The other thing I do is smother a bit of peanut butter or gravy over the inside of a cup (a cup that belongs to pup) and it takes a while to lick off. I'm not sure if I should do this, but our pup loves to get inside a Covent Garden, or similar, soup carton and give it a good clean once the bulk of the soup has gone. She can lose a good 15 minutes doing that. I also make toys out of boxes with a treat inside so she has to work out how to get it out. Do you leave the radio on when you go upstairs?

Thanks everyone. Only had one pee inside so far today and one poo (my fault I was putting the baby to bed and hadn't let him out before). Also been out for a while today as it's friends baby's birthday and came back to no mess. Just chewed up cartons that I left him.
Thank you to everyone who has given support and kind words. I was stressed. And I love him very much.

Amantes- I'm now speaking directly to you. I was stressed yesterday. And very upset. You must know the feeling when everything seems to be falling apart? I felt I was failing both my son and my dog. Honestly, I wanted a bit of advice or just some uplift. However, your response was made totally to guilt trip me. And even if you felt bad for my puppy what good did it do? Of course I don't really hate my puppy. Something happened and I was angry. In future I will think before I write nasty things like that down. Maybe you could do the same.

OP we have a beagle. He was hard work for quite a long time! Took a long time to fully master toilet training, was destructive and suffered from separation anxiety. He's now 4 and by and large the perfect pet. He needs a lot of exercise but that's to be expected. We also have a 14 month old DD and they adore each other. They're best of friends. PM me if you want any advice or a rant, I definitely went through phases of thinking 'what the hell have we done' at the beginning. It will get better.

I'm going to be flamed but-

We spent eight months and two replaced carpets trying to house train our dog. Doing all the right things, loads of praise, always taking her out, staying outside with her,it made no difference, not one bit, finally we started punishing her for wees and poos inside. We would show her the poo, her face really close up to it, and hit her and tell her off, this solved the problem in a weekend and has never caused any other problems with the dog. She's 13 now and we all love her and wouldn't be without her (she's still naughty in loads of other ways!)

Oh about the biting/rough play, maybe you could try this-

As soon as he gets even a little bit rough, very very first tiny nip, take him straight out into the kitchen (for example) any room you can close him in away from you all. Leave him there on his own for a small amount of time, 30 seconds/one minute, then let him out. He will probably come out and just do the same thing straight away, just repeat until he stops.

sashnmax. I responded, with thought, to the content and tone of your post which was, quite honestly, vile, to me. 'Hating' a puppy? Talk of 'getting rid'?

You must know the feeling when everything seems to be falling apart? I felt I was failing both my son and my dog.

I am a single parent to four dc. I have two adult (rescue) dogs and a puppy. I have not yet met a day where I would even dream of discarding any of my gang, either through anger or my own ineptitude - and I've met some pretty shit days.

Given I do not have experience of 'falling apart' over a child being a child and a puppy being a puppy, maybe I shouldn't have commented?

Or maybe, tough as you found it, I offered you a perspective which people the world over agree with - hating and/ or discarding a puppy, through no fault of its own, is absolutely dispicable.

My posts were made in absolute honesty. If you felt guilt, it is your own doing. I.e. maybe you had something to feel guilty about?

Yes I put I hate him (which I accepted was wrong). Never did I say I was going to get rid of him. I said everyone is saying I should get rid of him but I feel I would be letting him down. I did however say I need to vent. Which is what I did. And I had some lovely and honest responses that made me feel a lot better. Yours, somehow, did not.

I did feel guilty. -I felt as though I was failing both my son and my dog-.

4 kids and 3 dogs. Honestly I'll give it to you. Well done. But only because you haven't had a bit of a breakdown (note again I didn't say I was getting rid of him). Does that mean others can't?

Yes you offered a perspective - that was both offensive and rude. I.e. putting little sarcastic quotes. Also making comments about people giving away their dogs. Didn't you ever tell your children if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. I think it applies here.

Thank you so much gottobeinit xx

But only because you haven't had a bit of a breakdown (note again I didn't say I was getting rid of him). Does that mean others can't?

We obviously they can, just as you have and I have the right to disagree with you taking your problems out on your puppy. Yes?

Yes you offered a perspective - that was both offensive and rude. I.e. putting little sarcastic quotes.

You found it offensive. I have no problem with that whatsoever. I used quote marks when quoting you. You found that offensive and rude? How odd.

Also making comments about people giving away their dogs.

Yes. Because I disagree with people doing so without good reason. Puppyhood is not good reason. Dogs are not disposable items and in a humane world, really shouldn't be treated as such.

Didn't you ever tell your children if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

No! I teach them that silence condones. I encourage my dc to be true to themselves, to stand up for their beliefs and to be honest. I teach them that people might not always agree with them but that their opinion is valuable and their voice worthy of hearing, all the same

I think it applies here.

So, I should agree with you or shut up? Stop being silly. I've given you some worthwhile advice on this thread. I shit you not - your 'rude and offensive' (direct quote) failure to acknowledge it, does not concern me in the least. In fact, it kind of amuses me, given your erroneous application of those behaviours to me.

Now, I'm glad you've been able to vent and vent again. I also hope you feel more positive. I do wish you and your puppy every success in the future. May it be a long and happy one together.

it's safer ho hum to vent on mumsnet than in real life. I hope in real life you're feeling better and more able to cope, OP.

OFGS Amantes, lay off the OP. She's not taking her problems out on her puppy. Pups can be hard work - she was getting it off her chest.

I can think of a million responses. The only one I will say is that I never took it out on my puppy. Thank you for your well wishes. Same to you too.

It does get better OP, but I can so relate to how you feel. This is the short, very abridged version: Our young boxer pup nearly drove me to the wall and back. He was eight weeks when we got him and things were very not good for a while. He's almost eight months now and well on his way to being a great dog.

DH has just arrived home from work, having picked DPup up from doggy day care on the way and he (DPup) is sprawled out on his hammock bed on the deck resting up while he waits for his dinner. For us puppy play/doggy day care was/is a god send. As soon as DPup was clear of his final vaccination we started him at puppy play one or two days a week, which meant I was able to actually get some work done; faffing around after him cost me a lot of downtime from my home based business and so caused me a lot of stress.

As well, DH and DPup did a beginners obedience course last year, and last night enrolled for the advanced class which starts last night.

I've just had a wine placed in front of me now so I'll finish now. Chin up chook! :)