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The doghouse

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Original poster

I don't like my new dogs:(

38 replies

BadDogOwner · 03/01/2015 13:00

I've name changed because I am so ashamed and I feel like a horrid person.

We pick up our new dogs on new years day. Two boys that needed a home together. Beautiful dogs. Well behaved. We had met them before more than once and over 3 months and I really liked them.

They are just what I wanted. Perfect for us. I was so excited to get them but now they are home, I really don't like them. I don't even know why.

I am a very experienced dog owner and I know that getting a new dog (never mind two!) is really stressful and hard work but I am really shocked at my reaction.

I know it is really early days but I don't want them, I don't want to be around them and I don't like them. I feel miserable, anxious and like a complete failure and time waster. I can't seem to stop crying.

Please tell me this will get better? How do I fix this? I really would feel awful if I take them back.

OP posts:

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 03/01/2015 13:02

Are they from a rescue centre?

SnakeyMcBadass · 03/01/2015 13:03

Do you suffer with anxiety generally? Why did you choose these dogs?

judydoes · 03/01/2015 13:07

I would give it more time. I rescue dogs always have, I have just acquired a spaniel that needed a home, when I first got him I went through a week or so of thinking 'I shouldn't have done this, he's not happy, I'm rubbish' but I love him now.
It sounds as if you're not feeling so well yourself, though. Is there a back story here?Have you got support from OH/other family?

AimlesslyPurposeful · 03/01/2015 13:15

I'm so sorry you feel this way.

You're going through a period of readjustment and it's normal to have mixed feelings at first. As they sound like such lovely well behaved dogs I don't think your dislike of them will last.

It's a difficult time of year to have a dog - I have five and have to walk them in shifts and in this cold and rain I really do not enjoy our walks and often ask myself why on earth I have five dogs!

Come Spring I'll love the walks and be so pleased I have all my dogs. I take them to coffee shops and the garden centre and everywhere we go people stop to talk to us and it's lovely.

Could you start doing fun things with them? Is there a local pub you could take them to? We have one nearby with sofas to slump in and they serve lovely coffees and it's great sitting there with a couple of dogs as they get lots of fusses and people talking to them. Or what about looking to see if there's a local dog walking group near you you could join or agility classes or just general behaviour classes so that you do something with them that helps you bond?

Original poster

BadDogOwner · 03/01/2015 13:18

They were returned to their breeder who fostered them out until they found a new home. There previous owner became too unwell to look after them.

I have bipolar but have been ok for years. It has come as a major shock to feel like this. DH is been very supportive.

We chose these dogs because they would fit in with our lifestyle and had traits I like. Like I said we had met them before and they are lovely. They have been really good since we got them. We have even been saying how much easier they are already to deal with than our old dog was when we got him.

I really hope I feel different about them soon.

OP posts:

Original poster

BadDogOwner · 03/01/2015 13:21

Thanks Aimlessly. I expected to feel a bit anxious about them but not like this.

The only time I like them is when we are out.

Dog training classes start on friday. We used to do obedience, agility and rally so hope to do that with these two.

OP posts:

SunshineAndShadows · 03/01/2015 13:28

Hi OP I think it's harder to bond to 2 dogs rather than 1. I'd had my first dog for 5 years when I adopted my second from horrific circumstances.

I adore my first dog and my main motivation for getting a second was as a canine companion for the first. They get on fine so no problems there. It's now 18 months since I got my second and she's a great wee dog especially considering her start in life but I am only just starting to 'love' her like my first. I was pretty ambivalent towards her/irritated by her for a long time. She felt like a space invader even though she's a pretty good wee thing.

I think the dynamic of having two dogs is totally different. They bond to each other and can be less affectionate and I think it's easy to feel less bonded and less wanted/needed by them.

Give them some time, build a relationship with each of them, spend plenty if time training and you'll see their personalities emerge and their relationship with you develop
Good luck

JoffreyBaratheon · 03/01/2015 14:35

I think bonding takes time. We expect it to be instant - maybe moreso when the dogs aren't problematic in any way. But it's normal for it to take time, and whenever you take on one dog, let alone two, you are changing your whole life so massively that it is totally normal to have a bit of a panic.

It took me a good few weeks to bond with our puppy. Our old dog only died in Sept and maybe I got the new pup too soon, the grief was so raw. But 9 or so weeks on from bringing her home, she is so completely one of us and so loved (and she has a lot o challenges, being so young, slow to housetrain, very puppy bitey etc). My kids and husband fell for her instantly so I kept quiet that I didn't. especially as I was the one caring for her most of the time and had been the one pushing to get her. It's only after the dog comes home you realise the enormity. We went from having an elderly, blind, very undemanding dog to a bouncy, wild, not blind puppy. I just gave myself time and sure enough, the love grew.

I realised how much I loved her only several weeks in when the neighbour's dog went for her! (Just a motherly grabbing of the scruff of the neck but pup yelped as if she was being murdered and after I took her indoors and everything calmed down, I realised how much I loved this little thing).

A practical tip - find sympathetic, positive training classes. However well trained they are. Training is a HUGE aid in bonding. And train with them yourself. (Good links on here to FB training group and other resources). Do it even if you don't feel like it.

Be kind to yourself. Do nothing rash. Stick by them, and see it from their POV - at last, a stable, loving home. The love will come. Give yourself time. You need to do things with them - go on days out, train, do fun stuff. Bonds aren't always instant - just as they aren't with babies.

Original poster

BadDogOwner · 03/01/2015 14:54

I didn't expect to love them so soon but I thought I would like them. I really really don't like them

I will give it more time as it's only day 3 of having them but I am not looking forward to monday when DH goes back to work.

They are very affectionate and seem totally happy with us. They are currently both alseep on DH!

OP posts:

judydoes · 03/01/2015 15:07

You might feel totally different given a bit of time, OP. Just be kind to yourself and do the basics one foot in front of another with your dogs. I agree about bonds not always being instant-you might look back on this in a few days time and feel completely differently!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 03/01/2015 15:12

Can you pinpoint what it is you dislike about them OP?

Original poster

BadDogOwner · 03/01/2015 15:43

I have no idea why I don't like them. I really liked them before we brought them home, if I hadn't we wouldn't have got them.

Months of planning and prep have gone into getting these dogs and right now I really wish we hadn't got them.

OP posts:

muttynutty · 03/01/2015 15:46

Your new dogs deserve better than this. You chose them, you rehomed them - they are ready to give you unconditional love and you do not like them. Tbh you do not know them after 3 days so to have formed an emotional reaction of not liking them to me is a big concern.

The dogs have done nothing to you so I would be looking at yourself to see what the problem is. Is the prospect too overwhelming, do you not want to have the responsibility? - you need to think about this quickly and make the correct decision for these dogs. It is not a problem is this is the case but do make the decision soon for the sake of the dogs. Dogs ownership id not for everyone at everypoint in their lives no worries and no judgement on you.

No one is making you have a dog it is a personal choice - if it is upsetting for you and making you unhappy that is nothing to beat yourself up about just act soon for the sake of the dogs.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 03/01/2015 15:52

It's going to take everyone, dogs included, a bit longer than 2 days to settle down. Try and stop worrying about it and just go with the flow for now. I bet you you'll re read this in a month and wonder what you were worrying about. And if you don't, that's the time to start worrying. Not now.

Good luck!

lougle · 03/01/2015 16:02

It took DH around 14 months to fall in love with our dog (had him from a pup). He adores him now.

Perhaps you planned for so long that you just need time to adjust to the reality?

Tutt · 03/01/2015 16:02

When I brought home my 2 rescue adult cats many, many years ago I spent 2 months thinking WTF have I done, I really, really hated them being in my home.I have had cats before so was really upset over my reaction.

15 years later and they are still with me BUT I love them, absolutly adore them both.

Give yourself some time or take them back so they can find forever homes, good luck.

Original poster

BadDogOwner · 03/01/2015 16:08

LikeABadSethRogenMovie its the strenght of my negative reaction that worries me not the fact that we don't have a bond.

Muttynutty I am totally the problem. The dogs are just as I imagined they would be. They have done nothing wrong at all. I'm not sure why I feel this way, no dog we have had previously has settled so well so quickly. They are perfect.

Lougle and Tutt that is very good to hear.

OP posts:

Galmptongirl · 03/01/2015 16:10

It took us a good 18 months to like our current dog. Through that whole time we went through the uncertainty of whether to give him up as we just couldn't enjoy him. Fortunately we persevered and several classes / behaviour therapy sessions later we all love him despite his quirks. Couldn't imagine being without him but it did take a very long time to feel like this. Good luck.

muttynutty · 03/01/2015 16:18

I am not you but I think you are just overwhelmed by the prospect, you have two demanding strangers in your house - everyone would feel pressured but don't worry too much.

Don't try to hard, just do the day to day stuff they like, soon you will find yourself looking for their head on your lap as you sit down, or you will miss them when your DH is walking them.

You may find that if they have come as a pair they will be bonded together well - they will not need you in quite the same way as a single dog - do not take this personally they are just used to being together. So expect it to take a bit longer for them to look to you for affection etc.

Equally do not beat yourself up if they are not right for you, it is not an essential part of life to have to love dogs and enjoy picking up poo and walking in the rain so do not judge yourself if they are not for you - just don't hang about to make the decision.

Is it in really bad taste to bet money this time next month you will feel differently - that's what dogs do - get under you skin when you don't notice - let them work their magic on you thats a dogs job you just sit back and enjoy the ride

muttynutty · 03/01/2015 16:19

sorry about all the [smiles]

muttynutty · 03/01/2015 16:19

fgs

crapcrapcrapcrap · 03/01/2015 16:24

Can I suggest that as much as is practical you and DH take responsibility for one each and perhaps walk them separately. You need to bond and get to know them - that is hard to do when they are already bonded to each other.

Have you ever clicker trained? You don't even need a clicker, you can use a vocal marker such as "yes!". It's a great way to get the foundations down quickly.

I sympathise - DH's dog and I have never gelled. He came with DH and has been in my life for well over a decade but he was understimulated and unruly when we met and I understood dogs much, much less well than I do now. I'm sure if I could start over we'd get along well but as it is he's an irritation of which I'm quite fond - try the clicker, it helped us make good strides.

SunshineAndShadows · 03/01/2015 16:27

Don't beat yourself up OP. Be kind to yourself and just give it some time. The chances are that all of the research and prep you did will lay off in the long term. It's very early days and an adjustment period is totally normal

willowisp · 03/01/2015 16:28

You sound like a kind person & I can understand how you're feeling I think. Did you feel that when you got the dogs something within you or the house would change ? Perhaps there's an anticlimax ?

When we first got our rescue (& Velcro) dog I felt a bit irritated that she wouldn't leave me alone ever () but she is very much part of the furniture, we love her dearly & be lost without her.

Also do you think because you have 2 dogs they don't need you as much & perhaps you're feeling the spare part ?

Chattymummyhere · 03/01/2015 16:41

Could it be a bit like Christmas?

You have built it up over 3months planning your life with them just how everything would be in your head but the reality does not live upto the real thing so you just feel meh about them.

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