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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Husband wants to "get rid of" our puppy :(

39 replies

SweetTeaVodka · 20/12/2014 15:33

We have a beautiful 14 week sprocker spaniel puppy. I am head over heels for him but since he arrived my husband's depression has worsened and he blames the dog. He has no patience for normal puppy behaviours and will often refuse to even be in the same room as the dog. Husband keeps saying that we wants to "get rid" (I.e. rehome) him. Doing so would break my heart and I'm not sure how I would ever get over the anger at him it would (and is) cause. But as it is my marriage seems to be in tatters. I know no one here will have any magic solutions but I just need to talk to someone. It's like trying to have a conversation with a wall talking to him at the moment. People around me keep pushing me to make a decision. It doesn't help that my own depression and anxiety had massively improved and I'm worried the grief from rehoming the puppy would cause me to deteriorate. Being torn between the two of them is already having a negative impact but I can't just go back to how it was before he was here as if nothing.ever happened (which is what my husband seems to want).

OP posts:

antimatter · 20/12/2014 15:34

Is he taking medication or having some other treatment for his depression?

Fairylea · 20/12/2014 15:38

Was he keen on getting the dog? Who made the decision in the first place?

Original poster

SweetTeaVodka · 20/12/2014 15:40

He refuses to take any medication. He is on a waiting list for counselling. He doesn't see why he should have to learn to live with anything that upsets him or take medication when he can just "get rid of" what he sees as the problem. He refuses to recognise how low his mood was before. Apparently medication etc is ok for me but not him as it's apparently somehow different.

OP posts:

Original poster

SweetTeaVodka · 20/12/2014 15:41

It was his idea to get the dog. He chose him from the litter.

OP posts:

Fairylea · 20/12/2014 16:25

Hmm it seems unfair considering he chose the dog! Personally I think I'd tell him the dog is staying until he gets help for his depression and then you will discuss it again - maybe if he gets help for the depression he might feel differently.

(However I am not a dog person myself and would never want a dog despite growing up with 3 of them.... too much hassle for me. I think it's unfair for him to backtrack though).

sanfairyanne · 20/12/2014 16:32

who would you choose? him or the puppy? maybe he is jealous? i cant believe he is the one who wanted it!!! v irrational

Jackie0 · 20/12/2014 16:38

He made a commitment when he got the puppy and he is being very unreasonable.
There no way I'd let him rehome the pup you have fallen in love with.
He's jealous

prettywhiteguitar · 20/12/2014 16:40

The fact that he's so willing to get rid of the puppy so soon after he's chosen him says a lot about his personality.

What will happen if you put your foot down and say no ? You picked him and now are responsible for him, then ignore his protests. ? If you are feeling better because if the puppy I would be extremely reluctant to rehome him. There is every chance your dh might change his mind and then you will be devastated if you'd rehomed him.

antimatter · 20/12/2014 16:42

Having puppy at home is exhausting but upsetting you with his change of ind and unwillingness to try anti depressants is quite selfish too.

Who takes care of the pup?

AlfAlf · 20/12/2014 16:48

He's being very unreasonable. I am sympathetic to his depression, but it's abviously not caused by the puppy, and it seems unfair to you and the puppy to get rid him.
Do you have children?

TheTruffleHunter · 20/12/2014 16:48

Rehome the husband?

AlfAlf · 20/12/2014 16:48

I do know how to spell obviously

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/12/2014 16:51

Lose the dh, keep the puppy.

FurryDogMother · 20/12/2014 16:53

I agree with Fluffy - ditch the husband, keep the pup.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/12/2014 16:56

rehome the husband.

Honestly with or without the depression you can't go through life not getting rid of everything or everyone who annoys him.or refusing to face things.

given he's refusing to help himself at all by taking his medication I'd personally tell him to shut the hell up.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/12/2014 16:57

Sorry ignore the first not

Fairenuff · 20/12/2014 16:57

He is being unreasonable and irrational. Keep the puppy if you love it and want it. It is not causing your dh's depression. You will feel better once the decision is made, especially if you are under pressure to make that decision. So tell him and everyone else, the puppy stays. What he does about it is up to him.

TooMuchRain · 20/12/2014 16:58

For the sake of the puppy, I would actually say re-home while it's young - it doesn't sound like this is something that is just going to go away if you put your foot down, and if you change your mind later it will be much more difficult to find pup a home. Then maybe later, when things are more stable, one way or another, you could get another?

susiedaisy · 20/12/2014 17:03

I suffer from depression and anxiety and thought a dog would help me and my dc were desperate to get one, People went on and on about how pets are therapeutic, good for a persons mental health etc. I love dogs and grew up with them anyway so after months of consideration I decided that we would get a puppy we were so looking forward to getting her and bought an 8 week old JRT
but almost as soon as we brought her home my anxiety went through the roof and I basically freaked out at the thought of the dog in my home.

I couldn't cope with the change it brought, my low mood came back with a vengeance and I blew everything out of proportion and blamed the puppy. after 5 days I gave her back to the breeder and she was purchased the following day by another family.

I was devastated as were my dc but I just wasn't well enough to cope it took about 3 months for me to stop crying everyday about loosing my puppy. Depression is a bastard it robs you of being 'you'. Not sure this story will help you op but I'm sure your husband had the best intentions when he choose the pup and probably had no idea he would react like this.

Hobby2014 · 20/12/2014 17:47

Do you know anyone who could have the dog for a week or a few weeks and see if his depression changes. If it does improve then ok time to find a permanent home for the puppy. If it doesn't then puppy back and he needs to sort medication out?
That's what id do.

VivaLeBeaver · 20/12/2014 17:50

I'd agree, rehome the dog now while its young and got the chance of another home and also before you get more attached.

It does sound unfair if he was up for a puppy but I can see how you just have no idea how messy, noisy, etc they are until you have one. You read it and then when it hits you its still a shock.

Not fair on the puppy to be in a home where someone actively doesn't want him.

EvenBetter · 20/12/2014 18:11

You know whatever happens you can never have another dog again, right? It's not fair to ditch a dog, or make it live with someone like your husband, so you're choosing a dog-free life if you stay with this person. He needs to take responsibility for his own health and stop inflicting misery on everyone in his wake, FFS, not even bothering to get anti depressants and ruining your puppy's babyhood too. What a peach.

Gingerfudge · 20/12/2014 18:14

I think it's hard enough dealing with a puppy when you are feeling well, can't imagine how hard it is when you are depressed. It's hard to know what to suggest...some time away from the puppy might help and some fun time to bond. Your Dh is not a bad person for not being able to cope with a puppy, he's ill and needs to concentrate on getting well.

MinceSpy · 20/12/2014 18:19

Sadly I think you have to make a quick decision for the puppy 's sake. Rehome the puppy or tell husband to leave.

LadyTurmoil · 20/12/2014 18:53

Depression is an deep, dark and agonising thing to suffer from.

Your DH's mental state is probably so debilitating and all-consuming that he simply can't image a time when he'll be able to deal better with day to day life, let alone looking after a puppy/dog.

The realisation that he has taken on a long-term commitment has probably just hit him, which may well be freaking him out. The change in routine will be very hard for him as well. He also can't imagine how he could every possibly feel better, which is why he can't get to the point of acknowledging that anti-depressants (or similar) may help him. It took me 4 years to acknowledge that I needed help.

Don't let other people push you into a decision - you have to feel you're doing what's right for you, although I know it's incredibly hard. It may well be that it's just not the right time for both of you to take this on.

It's very, very hard but you can't blame him for feeling this way. It's awful if you've bonded with the puppy, but susiedaisy is absolutely spot-on in her description - it was exactly the same for me.

You should talk to the breeder, or to some local/national rescues about rehoming. Some may not be sympathetic but you will find some who will understand where you're coming from and will help.

I think you may have to decide to return the puppy, it will be very difficult but it may be better than feeling guilty and torn between you, your husband and the puppy. But try not to let any guilty feelings get too much for you, just try to acknowledge that it wasn't the right time.

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