Desperate for some advice, someone please help!

[Nades84]

This is a bit of a long post so please bare with me! I am absolutely desperate for some advice regarding my partners dog and the soon to be birth of our first child together. He moved in a couple of months ago along with his 9 year old male border collie. I feel like I'm at the end of my tether and I'm terrified of what it's going to be like when the baby is born in 6 weeks time.

I'll start with a bit about the dogs past; he was bought from dogs r us by his original owners. They couldn't cope with him so gave him to someone else, new owners couldn't cope either so gave him back to the original ones. They decided to rehome him again so my partner then had him when he was 18 months old. Lived with his ex and dog until they split and then it was just him and the dog until we met a couple of years ago.

Now the dog is an absolute nightmare! Here's a few of his 'problems':

-Recall is none existent
-Pulls on the lead
-Tries to herd everything that moves including cars and people
-constantly jumps up at the tv
-barks at every little noise
-demands attention all the time
-begs for food
-goes mental at other dogs
-will only sit after telling him to do so numerous times
-he's very dominant
-growled/nipped at me and my partner
-growls/barks when anyone tries to leave the room
-he's very jealous if my partner comes near me

And they are only the things I can think of off the top of my head! BUT the thing that is really worrying me is his reaction to babies and the way he tries to herd my 12 year old son. Whenever he sees/hears a baby he barks/whines/growls and tries to lick/sniff it and goes beserk if he isn't allowed near. Even if the baby is on the tv his reaction is just as bad. Obviously being due to have a baby soon I'm constantly worrying what he will be like. My dad (who has had/trained working dogs for years) says he wouldn't let him in the same room as the baby for a second. I just don't know what to do? My partner treats him like his baby and I don't think he realises how much it's getting me down. He works long hours so it's down to me to look after him while he's at work.

I just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'm surprised she hasn't introduced anything for him to do instead of pester you - for example, feeding him via kongs or other food toys will allow him to get some rewarding stimulation while not pestering you all. Perhaps this is something you could discuss with her.

Personally I think she's missed out a vital part - teaching the dog what behaviours DO get attention. Otherwise they do tend to up the ante - as you've found out - and can become incredibly frustrated and develop yet new, worse behaviours!

She should have equipped you with the tools to teach the dog things like go and settle on mat, sit/settle for attention etc. Just ignoring the dog is pointless and unkind.

She's just told us to completely ignore him and take all his toys off him including his kong (he was using them as prompts to get attention). I can see where she's coming from after her explaining it to us because it does have to be about him all the time but I'm just not convinced it's going to work. Told us to carry on with the doll, carrying it round etc. DP had it the other night and he jumped up and bit it on the head! Baby will be here in 4 weeks time, I'm terrified

I agree with CK, but you've made a start and met with this woman, and as an APDT member she should have a reasonable level of experience and skill.

Perhaps give her a call, explain that you think the frustration level he is experiencing is counterproductive (does she know that he has snapped at your DS? This might be a red flag that the dog's arousal levels need to be looked at) and that you feel that a different tack is needed already. She needs to hear in detail exactly what is happening - video or keep a diary?

Yeah I think I might give her a call myself tomorrow while DP is at work, he tends to sugarcoat things when it comes to the dog! She knows about him snapping at DS, again put it all down to attention and said he's trying worse behaviours to see if that gets something out of us, I'm just worried about how much worse it's going to get if he's already doing that! I've been videoing him quite a bit so will try and send them to her somehow

Let us know what she says. I'd be interested in why she hasn't suggested teaching the dog acceptable ways of getting attention.

How's it going OP?

I hate to sound negative but I think you need to rehome the dog. Even with the best will in the world 4 weeks is not enough time to turn a dog around and you will then have to deal with a newborn and a difficult dog. The dog needs more of your attention and time (both for training and exercise) and I can't see how either of you will be able to give it that with a new baby in the house.

Even if you decide to rehome the dog now it will take a long time to find it another suitable home so keep that in mind as well.

Well DP and I have spoken to the trainer again, the ignoring him was clearly not working and just making things worse. Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday after he'd bit me twice during the course of the morning, told DP I can't carry on living like this. The trainer has given us a new thing to try, have him on a training lead at all times and as soon as he goes to bark at the "baby" or jump up at the tv etc we have to grab the lead and remove him from the room for 5 seconds. Now I can't honestly see how I'm going to be able to do that! And it will be me having to do it because DP is at work all the time. Being 36 weeks pregnant I struggle to put my own socks on half of the time so how the hell I'm going to jump up and grab a lead I'll never know

Unfortunately I agree with you Booboostoo but I can't see DP feeling the same, although he did look like he was beginning to understand how I feel when he saw how upset I was yesterday

So sorry you are having to deal with so much at the moment Nades, and with your baby due so soon...

Definitely wait for the pros to comment, but it seems, like others have said, that there;s no positive effect for your dog to concentrate on - no positive behaviour to be praised etc. (not meaning you! rather the behaviourist's advice)

I am by no means an expert though, but this is what has stood out for me when reading your thread.

I really hope you get it all sorted in the best interests of everyone - you, your family and the dog :)

Good luck
Threesteps x

Time out, the removal techinique the trainer has suggested, works remarkably well for a lot of dogs, however I think your dog also needs a lot of constant training for every aspect of his behaviour and a lot more exercise.

Getting bitten by the dog on a daily basis is not acceptable and not an environment you could ever control enough to be safe with a baby. Time to have a very serious chat with DP. I don't think you would be exaggerating if you said "it's either me or the dog". Your DP sounds very reluctant to accept the reality he has helped to create by not acting sooner but now he has to take responsibility - there is no more leeway.

I agree with Booboo's last post. My worry is that this frustrated, overexcited dog will only become further aroused by being removed from the room. However, I haven't met the dog so we have to trust the trainer here.

I do think this is a situation where you might be able to get it under control given time, but you haven't got that luxury.

Provided it doesn't directly contradict what the trainer has advised, may I suggest that you put away his food bowls and instead give him all of his daily ration in food toys such as balls or kongs. Every moment he's busy with one of those is a moment less you have to spend managing his behaviour and furthermore this reinforces to him that quiet calm behaviour is rewarding. It will also use up some of his mental energy. If he is lying quietly chewing a toy try to drop pieces of cheese or chicken to him as you pass - this further reinforces that lying quietly is rewarding.

Thank you Threesteps baby will be here on the 6th of May so we really need to sort it.

Booboostoo I think you're spot on, DP doesn't want to accept that the way the dog is is totally unacceptable and especially will be around a newborn baby, ultimately it's his fault and he doesn't want to admit that. I can see an "it's us or the dog" on the horizon but I'd hate to be the one who makes him rehome him, he'd resent me forever, I'm hoping he's going to see himself that that's probably going to be the only solution but I'm afraid that's wishful thinking!

Cashewfrenzy we've been trying out the time out method and as you said it just frustrates him even more! Last night we had a real baby in the house, knew it would go one way or another and unfortunately it went the way I was hoping it wouldn't! DP had to spend most of the night removing him from the room as he was constantly barking/jumping up trying to get to the baby. Funny thing was though, that when he was in his baby walker he didn't bat an eyelid but as soon as he was picked up he went beserk?! Really don't understand that one at all. We've been giving him his tea in his kong for the past couple of days, keeps him quiet for all of 5 minutes!

Is this a new partner? You said he moved in recently. Is the baby his?

Your partner's lack of response is concerning in the current situation and doesn't bode well for the relationship.

But I think YOU have to take responsibility today and make some decisions. You already have one child in the house and you're about to have two. You have to keep them safe and this dog could harm them. If it were me the partner and the dog would have to live somewhere else until the behavioural issues were resolved.

I cannot imagine that it will be safe to have this dog around the new baby (which could be born any day). Draw a line and make your kids safe.

Good luck.

Hi OP, I've just read the thread and I have to say I agree with the others saying you need to rehome this dog and you need to do it now. You'll be term on Tuesday, the baby could come at any time from now on, so don't assume you have until May to sort this out.

Neither you nor your partner will have any time for dog training once the baby arrives (or the energy probably) and even well-behaved dogs suffer a bit from lack of attention once a newborn arrives. It just sounds far too dangerous to take the risk with a highly strung dog and a new baby when you won't have the time or energy to address the dog's needs.

I never thought I would recommend that someone give up on their dog, but DD is 3 months now and I've seen first hand how little time I can give our dog at the moment. He's coped as he's well-behaved and very tolerant, but I can't see your dog coping with a baby .

Mooseymouse No we have been together over 2 years, but just recently started living together, the baby is his. I think he's just so attached to the dog he's really hoping that he'll change but I know for a fact he won't, it literally is man and his best friend!

I've told him now that there is no way I'm having him in the same house as the baby, he just can't be trusted at all.

Hi whereisshe I have my section booked so I'm hoping baby doesn't make an early appearance! Yes I think that's what he'll struggle with, the lack of attention, even now he's bad enough when he doesn't get any! With it being DP'S first child he just doesn't understand how much hard work it will be and that he won't have much time for the dog, I've explained it but it's probably one of those things that he'll realise when the baby is here. Who'd have thought that one dog could cause so much trouble! Should be relaxing and enjoying the last weeks of my pregnancy, not stressing like this

Poor you. I'm sure you could do without the stress at the moment. x

The dog has bitten you twice? Poor you. It has to go from your home.

i am a dog walker ad i will reiterate what others have said

this is a BC - a highly strung breed that needs tonnes of mental stimulation and exercise and i can assure you that this is the problem - i would ask him to be rid of the dog and give the poor dog a chance in life - he obviously hasn't given the dog boundaries, enough exercise or a job to do

i dont mean to be harsh but this is how the story usually goes. this dog will not do well with a baby. these dogs are herders!

perhaps a neutering might help. also - collies do a lot better on a low protein % food such as Skinner (19%) - high protein food 22%+ will make them very hyper.

Hi everyone, just a little update and a thank you for all the advice that everyone so kindly gave me

Our gorgeous little girl was born last Tuesday, a week earlier than planned, she's perfect in every way! Unfortunately though the dog doesn't think so his reaction to her being here has been worse than we ever imagined. At first he just barked when she cried, now he barks and goes beserk as soon as he sees her. He's tried to bite and paw his way through DP to get to her and the look he has in his eyes is terrifying! Never seen him like that before. So we're currently living with him in the back garden with his new kennel (that he refuses to go in), listening to him bark constantly. Can only let him in the house when DD is upstairs with me and he even barks the house down when she cries in the night, our neighbours must love us at the moment DP's attitude has completely changed since she's been born and now he realises that her safety comes first. So unfortunately we're currently trying to find a new home for him, we can't live like this and it's not fair on the dog either

So thank you again everyone for the advice, we tried everything we could but unfortunately there's no changing him and it's come down to the worst case scenario

Have you been in touch with any breed specific rescues to see if they will take him in?

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I hope you are feeling well yourself :)

Huge congratulations on the birth of your lovely daughter. I'm so relieved your partner has seen sense and I hope you are able to rehome the dog as soon as poss.

www.bordercollietrustgb.org.uk/

www.thebordercolliespot.com/

Congratulations for your baby!

A couple of links for you, hope they help.