Wish we hadn't

[Chippychop]

We only got her sat (black lab ) Dh thrilled! Me, quite the opposite. I can't go anywhere as she always need feeding or letting out for a wee . Every time I try to clean sweep up she chases the broom.. Can the kitchen possibly have a doggy aroma already! The utility had so much of her crap, speaking of which I hate cleaning up her shit. Oh dear Lord will my opinion ever change????

I think the problem here is that the OP didn't actually want the dog in the first place and probably didn't realise the amount of work involved, which is unfair to her and the pup; all very well for her DH to be 'thrilled' but he's not the one doing all the hard slog. Maybe he needs to be doing more.

Just imagine what it would be like to have a new baby foisted on you that you didn't want and didn't care about. Awful.

I really think you need to lay your cards on the table with your DH Chippy, and if you don't want the work and commitment then it should be your decision if you feel you want to give the dog back to the breeder.

Dogs are hard work but should be fun, and something I found very telling is that you find it really annoying when you're trying to sweep and the puppy tries to run after the broom - most people with a new puppy would find that sweet and funny and endearing and want to encourage the fun.

It will be hard work for a long time, remember you've still got adolescence to get through - my dog 2yo now, was the easiest puppy imaginable, but I was nearly in tears several times with her disobedience when she was going through her 'teens'.

Be honest with yourself and your DH OP, some people just aren't dog people. If you really hate it, don't put yourself through the stress.

fernando actually the OP did say :
also don't want her locked up in a cage all day. Hence why we think a large shaded run down the side of the house - with garden access would be great.
I think that could be construed that the pup will be left in the run for prolonged periods . If that is not what the OP intended people to think then perhaps she should proof read what she writes before she posts it .I actually think this is a bit of a wind up .

Hi - Chippychops DH here. I have never been on this site before, but as my DW rang me in tears tonight and said she had recieved some upsetting comments on here about our new puppy I thought I would register and take a look.

Firstly and Most importantly my DW is the most loving, gentle and caring person I know. She would never harm an animal and I think that some of the comments that she has made in frustration have been misinterpreted. However, bizarrely I find myself responding to DW comments and the other threads via this message as my DW has all but shut down and become uncommunicative since i collected our beautiful puppy on Sat!

To clear up a few points that have been raised, we did talk extensively about getting a puppy. 4 years of discussion to be exact. It was either the wrong time (both of us working), the wrong location (we didn't want to have a dog in a flat in London) etc. The focus has always been the welfare of the dog although in hindsight it seems the time it took was due DW reluctance to have a dog. We moved to a larger house in the country 2 years ago and DW stopped working last summer, so seemed the ideal time to get a dog. DW pointed out a litter of lab puppies 7 weeks ago, we went to see them and spent a long time discussing the pros and cons. I was v excited, but made it clear DW and DC should make the final decisions as they would be with her the most. I leave early and get back late, so only get to walk and feed our puppy first and last thing and at weekends.

So we find ourselves in this awful position. I suspected DW wasn't onboard when I got back with the puppy on Sat. This dark cloud hasn't changed and DW has nothing positive to say about her. DC are understandably nervousness about the puppy and they both need the time to get used to each other and to join in with her training. We all need to support the puppy as a family and make her feel safe, wanted and loved. I have taken the next 10 days off to spend time with her and to start her training / get the kids used to her. Sadly I think this will never happen as DW has clearly had a change of heart and I can't integrate her into the family properly on my own.

DW texted me repeatedly today about 'the dog' (she won't call her by her name) and when we spoke she was the same cold, unhappy, depressed person that she had been since I collected our puppy.

So we find ourselves in a terrible position. I love our new puppy to bits. I've waited so long and we have thought so carefully about bringing a puppy into our family. We have had her for less than a week and she makes me truly happy. She lights up my morning and is always so pleased to see me. I was so looking forward to her being part of the family and seeing my children getting the rewards of having a dog in the house like i did when i was growing up. I will be absolutely devasted if we have to give her away, but I can't see that we have any choice. DW has taken on the significant responsibility for her while I go to work and this is no small undertaking. However as much as I love our puppy, I can't bear to see her being seen as a nuisance and not receiving the love that she truly deserves. Unless DW engages with her in the next few days I think we have little choice but to send her back - absolutely gutted

Thanks ever long. Fingers cross, but at the end of the day I know I have to do what is best for our puppy - as hard as that may be

I feel for you both, tbh. I hope you can both come to a decision which everyone can live with. Puppies are bloody hard work. I can't imagine having to cope with it under sufferance.

Oh :( I'm sorry your DW has had a tough time on this thread, completely uncalled for. Our dog is now 20 months and I could have easily sent him back in the first few days, but then the bond started and we loved him. Bringing up a pup is really hard and needs to be a family effort really, especially as your DW will be doing the majority of the caring.
Maybe your family is not ready yet for the commitment of a pup? Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks ever long. Fingers crossed, but at the end of the day I know I have to do what is best for our puppy - as hard as that may be

I can sympathise with you OP. I agreed to getting a puppy for dp and dc. We have had a dog previously so have had experience.
The first few weeks were very hard. We are 9 months in now and it's still hard but in different ways.
If you can't see yourself getting on board with the puppy I do think it would be for the best to return her.
If you are doing most of the work you have to be able to deal with everything a dog brings. You don't have to enjoy all the aspects of having a dog but if you aren't enjoying any of it I would say its not for you.
It has taken time for me to adapt to having our dog , but the dc and dp can't get enough of him and for me that's worth it.
We are slowly getting there but don't worry about this rush of love its early days yet. Maybe a couple of weeks from now she will start to settle in and you will get used to her.
Good luck in whatever decision you make.

When my friend got a dog she said it felt like PND all over again. She did get over it, the dog settled, she realised it could go into kennels so they could have dog free holidays and now she loves him to bits.

I hope it works out for you all. I would love a dog but I know I would resent some of the work that would come with it so as yet I remain dogless

Hello chippys DH :)
Sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you and your DW. I think this tread has escalated (as they tend to on MN!) and while people are genuinely concerned, it is easy to project your own situation and feelings on the thread which has little or no relevance on the true situation.
It's great you are taking the time off though I think I would have been tempted to do that in the first place.
Your DW may well find that things are much easier when your DCs are back at school and she is not quite so harassed. Also what others say above that things do get easier and quickly too even if it doesn't seem it at the time.
Good luck to you both, keep us updated :)

Perhaps you would be better with an older dog who is already house trained ,knows the basics of training and can be left for a few hours . I actually don't think anyone on here has been particularly unkind just concerned for both the pup and the OP . Good luck ,whatever decision you come to ( I assume this pup is vaccinated if you are walking it)

Aww, that's so sad that you feel so much love towards your pup whereas your DW doesn't. I felt an overwhelming feeling of responsibility when we got our first puppy ... but have had another five since then. The puppies we've had have all been toilet trained very quickly (outside after waking up and after food) - I think once that's done then it does make life much easier. Though even now, with elderly dogs, there's still the odd pile of vomit to clear up. I also think it's a good idea to start leaving a puppy on its own for a while, increasing the time. Then they get used to the fact that the family aren't always there. She'd probably sleep in her crate whilst you were out anyway. As someone else has said, in future you can board her in kennels or home boarding when you have a holiday. When you start the dog walking routine you'll probably befriend other dog owners who can let your dog out for a wee during the day if you have the odd day out (though this is normally a reciprocal arrangement!) I hope you manage to work it out, maybe now you're home it will make life easier all round. Good luck, whatever you decide.

This is such a sad thread. We've had our lab 3 weeks now and much as he's a nippy, bitey, chewy, jumpy pain in the neck sometimes we all totally love him. I don't really know how the OP will change how she actually feels about this

Puppies are a nightmare.
I have had quite a few forever dogs and numerous short term fosters so when we took on a 3 month old puppy, I thought it would be a breeze. After all, I know about dogs, don't I?

HAHA

No, clearly I do not. LittleDog had reduced me to actual tears sometimes. He took 4 weeks to learn how to sit.
The only reason I carried on trying to teach him anything was because I refused to be beaten by a puppy.

His recall....well it was ok. Until he hit 7 months. Then he would sit and look at me, as if to say "I know you want me to come back. I also know that as soon as you walk towards me I am going to run. So there"

He chewed my carpet, my mattress, and the arm of my sofa amongst other things.

He's 16 months now. And he is getting there.
But there is nothing on earth like a puppy.

And, I'm afraid if you didn't really really want a dog and you don't love it to pieces even whilst it is pissing on your sofa or eating your wires, then you won't get much joy from it.

It's hard work to train a puppy. You have toilet training, puppy classes, recall, not chewing, basic commands.
And then they do through adolescence and you have to do it all over again.

Maybe, if you both really want a family dog, an older rescue would be better for you?

I really hope the the pup is not left in the run or crate all day.
BigDog came to me having spent his first years in a crate for most of the day, only coming out for a short walk.

Dogs can't really be left for hours whilst you take the children out, especially puppies that have only just arrived in your home.
We only go places we can take the dog. There are actually loads of dog friendly activities that children will enjoy as well, you can look on the dog friendly website for your area but please don't leave the puppy whilst you go out.
He is too young to be alone.

I think puppies CAN be left for a short while on their own ... after all they are left on their own at night, usually. Start off with little absences and then increase them ... better than staying with pup for a whole week and then leaving for ages!

Yes, for a short whole they can be left, obviously they can't go everywhere with you.
But IMO it has to be very short periods of time at first, building up to longer. I wouldn't leave them for longer than an hour.

It's just, if you are saying, well I had to take the DCs out, it's the summer holidays, that sounds like more than a 15 minute trip to the shop IYSWIM.
But obviously I could be wrong. I usually am

I was at my wits end with my puppy we got him at 7 months the doghouse saved me and him I know that sounds dramatic but I used to cry in frustration some days nobody is saying pups are easy but I do think you need to be prepared for the worst then rock in a corner when the worst hits

well I couldnt have too much wine as when he first got here he was up at 6 am demanding out for a pee, I have got him up to 8 am though so i can have an extra glass

Moosemamma

Some great advice. I agree that the bond doesn't have to be with the OP. Our dog adores DH beyond reason, despite me being with him the vast majority of the time. However, 6am to 8pm is a long time to take the responsibility too.

DH was the one of the family who least wanted a dog, but, as soon as the dog entered his life, he adored the very bones of him and didn't resent any aspect of dog ownership. He even shared his ice cream with the dog today on the beach, doesn't even let the DC do that

That being said, we are on holiday at present and DH, who works similar hours and works away a lot too, has noticed just how much work they are 24/7 and has seen it from my perspective a little bit now too, which for me, has been welcome.

How are you guys feeling today as a family?

I agree with Everlong too, our Lab puppy is 10wks and we've had him two weeks now. I feel like a prisoner a bit but I knew it would be hard work with a puppy. He wakes up between 5.30-6.30 yapping to get out of his crate and then is a ball of energy for the whole morning. I had arranged to meet my friend at the playground at lunchtime yesterday, so I literally ran round the garden a few times to wear him out, played tug of war with him and then he was happy to go on his crate while I was out (and Tess Daly was at said playground with her kids and dog!) So they can be left for short periods of time in a crate so you know they are not getting up to mischief.
I also have a puppy kong so I put a couple of treats in it to keep him busy for a while.
Things will improve, I have an 8yr old lab too and he is fab so I'm hoping puppy will learn how to behave from him!