Wish we hadn't

[Chippychop]

We only got her sat (black lab ) Dh thrilled! Me, quite the opposite. I can't go anywhere as she always need feeding or letting out for a wee . Every time I try to clean sweep up she chases the broom.. Can the kitchen possibly have a doggy aroma already! The utility had so much of her crap, speaking of which I hate cleaning up her shit. Oh dear Lord will my opinion ever change????

Oh for goodness sake.. I'm not going to leave her there all day whilst i'm out! We've got a massive cage in the kitchen, doors open to our big enclosed garden. We live in a large detached house in the country.. The place could've be more pet friendly.. But as she's a puppy I can't have her running and jumping up at the kids whist they're eating, I also don't want her locked up in a cage all day. Hence why we think a large shaded run down the side of the house - with garden access would be great. My friend is her vet and she's cool with everything. The looking after was never the issue - it was the feelings!

As the owner of two beautiful working bred labradors that take up hours of my time I have always loved the doghouse because you can admit that the first couple of weeks = awful.

but

they're puppies for lord's sake.

Please take your little lab back and the breeder will find a new and better home for it.

when it's still a puppy they'll be able to find someone easily and you will get your immaculate home back.

some of us aint cut out for this. you know now and far better to stop now than leave it until the puppy won't get rehomed as easily at 8 or 9 months old.

I have a nearly 2 year old and a nearly 5 year old and a 5 month old lab pup. The first few months are a nightmare! Toilet training takes a huge effort on your part, don't forget she doesn't know what you want - she's a dog, a baby dog at that!

I've cleaned up poo/wee/vomit, my house is trashed on a daily basis and I know the teenage phase is looming where she'll forget all the hard work I've put in daily for the last 3 months.

Puppies are HARD work, WAY harder than kids. Your heart has got to be in it 100%, if it's not then the pup will just end up untrained and yet another 6-12 month old lab on 'pre-loved' or some such similar site.

In my family it was me who wanted a dog, my husband wasn't that bothered. Having said that though - it's me who get's up at 3am for a wee break then at 5am for the 'big' walk. I take her to training classes, walk her again in the afternoon, take her to the vets, play with her, clean up after her, feed her, groom her etc. I'm not sure why you agreed to the pup if you didn't want it and the person that did isn't actually there to look after it???? It seems unfair to you. A dog run won't solve your problems.

With due respect to the OP she does seem to be trying to get her head round this situation. I'm not sure as accusing her of almost "mistreating" the puppy is fair though the use of the run could be seen as dubious in some contexts ie- if the OP intended to leave a small puppy in there all day while she went out rather than for half an hour while her children eat.
Personally I have had working dogs who were reared in kennels and they all turned out fine, though our bond is different to that of a pet owner. It was also very detrimental to house training
Perhaps the OP could let us know how she is getting on without a constant tirade of "bad owner" and "send the poor love back"? We all treat our dogs differently (sleeping on the bed is one example ) but that does not make any one way better than another.
The arrival of a puppy is incredibly stressful and the OP was feeling shocked by that. She posted for advice and support not vilification which is where this thread seems to be heading :(

Oh dear, what a terribly difficult situation for all concerned. I think having a new puppy can be a massive shock to the system, such a huge amount of work that, even with careful preparation, can feel overwhelming.

When got our dog 5 years ago, I did have the odd moment when I wondered what an earth we'd done. Standing in the pouring ran for the 15th time that day waiting for him to wee and having a massive spider drop out of a tree onto me was a particularly low point. However, it passed and we went on to get a second puppy a year later. I think it's a bit like labour - you quickly forget the bad bits

Having said that, I did love both of our puppies so that made even the horrid parts bearable. Maybe you're just not a puppy person? Some people prefer dogs that are older and have some manners. If that's the case, then perhaps it's worth toughing out this period - though labs take a long, long time to mature. However, as many people absolutely adore lovely, squidgy puppies, there is the risk that if you don't love her now during this honeymoon period, that you may never develop the bond you'd hoped for.

It's a dreadful decision, what does your gut tell you? Hypothetically, how would you feel if you were told that she had to be returned to the breeder tomorrow? Relief? Sadness? Imagining what it would be like if she were to be taken away may help you to explore how you feel deep down (without your thoughts being clouded by all the drudgery that accompanies a new pup).

Good heavens, talk about over reacting

The Op has made it quite clear that these are her feelings and that the puppy is getting the physical care it needs.

For fucks sake, how many times do we see similar posts about new human babies on here, and everyone rushes to reassure the Op that it is totally normal to take time to bond, even to feel 'oh fuck what have I done'. No one suggests taking the babies back to the hospital as they are obviously not cut out to be a parent!!!

Give her a break. It's hard work the first few weeks/months and in my experience the 'oh shit this is harder than I thought' moments are very common. These thoughts don't necessarily lead to an unhappy, mistreated pup. I certainly felt a taken aback by the intensity of having new puppies, but now have 2 wonderful, loved, well trained dogs.

It takes time to bond sometimes op. If you are confident that you can give the puppy the attention and training it needs, that will suffice until the love kicks in, which I am absolutely sure it will.

I think I tried to say that ^^ fernando only it didn't come out as succinctly :o
still distressed after DPup shat in the back of my car yesterday!

Thanks fermando and topbanana. I just want a bit if support and encouragement and quite honestly will think twice about asking for any support in here again - Talk about guilty until proven innocent. In reality the puppy in is up and first walked at 6, she's with me all day ( I'm a SAHM,) is fed and watered and played with she s being socialised and training starts next month. All text book. Forgiven me if animals come below humans in the pecking order in this house but that is normal. I have no intention bringing up a fat, indulged animal.

I am a bit too OP. I didn't get this reaction at all. Hang in there if you can.

My only concern (meant in a concerned way!!) is that you were less keen on the dog than your DH when in reality, it would always have been you doing the majority of the work, which seems a bit unfair tbh.

How do you feel about this, do you think this might have influenced your feelings?

It's a massive life change I feel, having never had a dog before.

Needastrongone, I think the difference was the wording of the OP. Through your posts it way easy to tell straight away that you were doing everything possibly to meet your pup's needs - in fact doing a bit too much. Whereas, the OP of this thread came across as p'd off, frustrated and angry. It's only much later down the thread where it becomes clear that the pup's needs are being met. People reacted particularly badly to an 8 week old pup that had only been in her new home for a couple of days being left home alone because the children want to go out, as it's the summer holidays.

In my post I pointed out that I have found it really hard going this time round, despite this being my 7th dog in over 24 years and suggested that a frank discussion with the OP's husband was in order, while the pup is still young enough to go back to the breeder and find a new home, should that be the conclusion they come to.

My concern is that it's the OP's dh who really wanted the dog, but he isn't around during the day to shoulder the lion's share of the hard work that goes into raising a pup to become a well rounded adult. It sounds from the thread like the OP has gone along with it and the reality is a lot harder than she expected, hence my suggesting that a frank discussion might be in order.

At the end of the day, it's the OP that is going to be with the pup all day every day and it's her that is going to be dealing with the toughest parts of having a pup in the house, which isn't really fair, considering it wasn't her that was desperate for a dog.

OP, you don't necessarily have to have a close bond with a dog to care for it's needs. There are no rules that say a dog will bond with it's main care giver, in my experience, different dogs attach themselves to different members of the family. If the dog bonds with other family members and has it's emotional needs met by them, it is perfectly possible for it to be both well cared for and happy, without being closely bonded with you.

I think people have been concerned by the talk of leaving a young pup alone and the suggestion of an outdoor run probably inflamed that. You can see how one post complaining that they can't go out and about in the holidays and then another saying they're building a dog run, is likely to be interpreted.

If the run and crate are only used for short periods, eg while the dcs eat and when the OP can't directly supervise the pup for a few minutes, there is nothing wrong with using either facility, it only becomes a problem if, as a result of having pup foisted on her, she ends up using either one for increasingly extended periods.

why did you get a dog what did you think a puppy would do she chases your broom cos it is fun and exciting either play with her or move her away start training her and shit did you think the shit fairy would clean it, up I think you will always resent this dog she is always going to shit need feeding and walked this dog could live for at least 12 years you are going to be feeding her and picking up her poo can you see ypurself doing that,

Forgiven me if animals come below humans in the pecking order in this house but that is normal. I have no intention bringing up a fat, indulged animal.

but you resent her you find her annoying and you cant stand picking up poo, my dog isnt fat indulged or put before any of my family but i certainly didnt feel like you a few days after getting it, your puppy is going to start jumping and nipping in a few weeks are you ready for that ,

but a puppy needs that love and reassurance to grow into a happy dog. That's the bit I worry about in this instance.

that my dog is a rescue he didnt get the proper care he was well fed etc but he has a lot of things going on because he didn't get the proper emotional needs met, a puppy is a little being they need their emotional and physical needs met if you want a well rounded family pet,

I stand by what I wrote in my post in response to the original OP.

Returning to the breeder is a viable option at this age - as someone who is very heavily involved in rescue, I see the consequences of this type of situation practically on a daily basis. It would be far, far better for the pup to be rehomed now than to wait until it is a giant cannonball adolescent who is no longer cute - rescues are full of unwanted 2 year old Labs.

God knows we also see regular threads here on MN about people who for various reasons can't or won't cope with the reality of puppy ownership.

Re-reading the OP - it is not a lighthearted letting off steam, and the OP uses words like "hate", complains about the smell and even complains about the pup's stuff - that read to me like someone who really, really doesn't like their dog.

OP, there are plenty of puppy support threads if you want them. If you are seriously having problems with your dog then say so and we will try to help you.

No-one who has posted has suggested you bring up a "fat, indulged animal" - (such a charming phrase) simply that we are concerned about both you and the pup. Don't worry, OP, won't happen again.

your dog is going to be hard work until at least a year old it doesn't automatically happen you need to bond with her so she responds to you as you are at home all day with her

It's possible, Chippy, that the problem is not the dog, per se. It sounds as though you have had the dog foisted on you. It's no fun to have to look after something that doesn't really fit with your life. I expect I'd be pretty upset if I was expected to look after an animal I wasn't very interested in. The whole family has to be involved with the addition of a dog so everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet and agrees on ways to behave. It sounds a bit as though you have been dumped with the responsibility. Perhaps a frank conversation with your dh about expectations and who is going to do what etc, might help.

Sorry scuttle but I think that you are stretching what Op has said so justify the reaction that this thread has received.

I freely admit to hating picking up my dogs' poo. I also dislike when they wipe their ears on the carpet after a meal, and when they have a drink and turn the kitchen floor into an ice rink. However, this absolutely does not mean that I actively dislike my dogs!! There are shit and fantastic aspects to most things; dogs, kids, relationships - but it doesn't mean that someone is unsuited to those things if they find certain parts tough.

And no where have I read that the Op is leaving this puppy for prolonged periods. Popping to the park or to the shops for an hour a day will do a puppy no psychological harm folks. Also a puppy run sounds like an eminently sensible idea. If someone suggested a play pen for a baby, would you automatically accuse the parent for intending to leave their child in there for hours?? No timescales have been mentioned in the Op's posts but some of you have taken a few words of her post and blown them out of all proportion.

My darling puppy, now at 6 months old, shat all over the back of my car yesterday. For no apparent reason other than I had the temerity to park outside the police station, run in and drop off a form and run back out again- I was gone for 1 minute max.
I was so incensed by this I could have written a post like the OP and I have LOTS of experience with puppies and my car is a shit tip anyway
My point is that 20 minutes later I would never have written it but in the heat of the moment, when it all gets too much it is easy to write a ranting and self indulgent post that you really don't mean half of (which is why I never MN drunk!)
If the OP truly "hated" the dog from the core of her being, I doubt she would bother to come on here and post about it.

I agree a bond is vitally important, but it doesn't necessarily have to be with the op. I think it is possible for her to bond enough to meet the dogs functional needs without being the one who has the close emotional bond, it's far from ideal, but doable imo. BUT - I don't think she wants to and will struggle with the long-term commitment, hence my suggestion of having a very frank talk with her dh and possibly/probably returning the pup sooner rather than later.

As Scuttle said, the op would be very welcome on the new puppy thread (the title 'puppy mommies' is very tongue in cheek - hence the 'blerk' afterwards) and we will give her all the help and support she needs if she wants to stick with it, go ahead and try to develop a bond and enjoy owning a dog.

Also, op, none of my dogs have ever been fat or indulged. They don't come before my family, but neither do I meet the needs of any member of my family at the expense of another. Dogs, particularly puppies are as reliant on us as young children/babies to ensure all their needs are met promptly and appropriately and just like when a new baby comes home, it's needs will have to be prioritised for a while, sometimes at the expense of what other family members want.

the thing that got me about the OP she has only had the pup a few days and already having negative feelings about it, I dont think she is being cruel to the puppy just to have such strong words about a little dog seemed to be that she didnt want the dog in the first place , which isn't fair on anybody ,

You will cope OP and the pup will be fine in the long run.

How old is she? If she's old enough to go for walks I assume she's 12 weeks plus?

If it makes you feel any better 2 years ago this oct we got a 6 month old whippet puppy. Desperately wanted by me. Talked DP around and picked her up.

Now, I had an ideal in my head over what she would be like. She would follow me around the house like a little shadow, behave immpecably at all times, never chew or break anything, come to the stables to do the ponies and curl up on an old rug whilst I pottered around. Even accompany me on hacks! As she was 6 months old we'd miss out all the toilet training, the chewing and howling at night.

The reality was vastly different lol. I spent 6 months trying to housetrain her, she chewed 6 pairs of flipflops, 4 pairs of slippers, a viv westwood wallet, numerous chargers and wires including the fridge one which tripped the electrics out one night, god only knows how many biro's and bits and pieces from my desk, 2 mobile phones (insured luckily) and a purse.

She had no recall whatsoever and it took forever to establish on the end of a long line. And the is a terrible theif where human food is concerned. She can't come to the stables with me as she chases the chickens. And would murder them if she got them.

She also has a fetish for DP's stoma bags and we have had one or 2 incidences where she has pinched a dead poo bag out the bin and gave it a damn good shaking to make sure it's really dead. Not sure whether that is worse than the fox poo to be honest.

She was hard work. And even today and yesterday she's in the bad books for rolling in some fox poo. Bleurgh.

But I adore her and have done the hardwork now so get (hopefully) about 15 years of the pure pleasure that comes from owning a well trained dog. Although the fox poo I could do without.

I work from home and she is my company during the day. She loves nothing more than curling up on the sofa with me, she loves a long walk and also comes on the school run twice a day. She is my DD's company when its too wet to go out much and the apple of my DP's eye. He dotes on her.

So yes it will be hard. And yes it may get worse before it gets better. But in the long run you will bond with her and if you do the work now, be rewarded with a companion who asks nothing from you except a walk, a full tummy and a cuddle every now and again.