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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Have I made a BIG mistake???

71 replies

mummyof2kidsx · 25/04/2013 19:13

We got our little sheltie puppy 2.5 weeks ago. My husband bought him for my daughter for her birthday. I have wanted one for a long time so I was all for it! He is adorable. Laid back, cute, gorgeous but I think I have made a mistake. I can't believe I was so impulsive and stupid. We have a 21 month old and a just turned 4 year old! We went to see him and I just fell in love....we all did. I just don't think I can do it? but at the same time I don't want to give up on him. I have been trying so hard to train him but I am just not getting anywhere. I literally follow him around constantly and when I can't watch him, I put him in his crate with his toys. But he poos and wees in his crate too! This is my first puppy so I'm a little overwhelmed. I said to myself it will be fine when he's trained but I just cant see a light at the end of the tunnel... I know it's only been two weeks and I don't expect him to be trained by now but he really just isn't making any progress. I take him out all the time into the garden. At least twice an hour. I wake up through the night to take him out too! I feel like I have him in the crate all the time but with two young children it's so hard... We should have waited. I knew it was going to be hard and everyone said I should wait but I thought I knew better. I was stupid.... Not only that I am completely stressed out with life at the moment... my marriage is at breaking point... I couldn't cope without a puppy and know I don't know how I'm going to get through this..... Please will someone tell me it gets easier...I don't want to get rid of our beautiful puppy. I love him, my husband loves him and so do the kids. The problem is not the puppy, it's me! My husband doesn't help whatsoever, with anything! Nothing in the house. Its all me, looking after the kids, cleaning shopping etc now a puppy...... I know it's my own fault and I am an idiot for getting him, but now I have him so I'm going to try my hardest.... I just dont know what to do...

OP posts:

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 25/04/2013 21:22

Well, with my dog I used paper over most of the floor. Then I reduced the area of paper over a few weeks to just a sheet by the back door. Then I took the paper up. Pup was used to peeing on paper and went to the door looking for it. Then I took him out and made a huge fuss when he toileted on the grass. It worked for me, and he rarely had accidents. I will say, though, that he wasn't reliably clean until about 5 months. By that I mean the odd accident every few days, usually because I wasn't paying attention.

Original poster

mummyof2kidsx · 25/04/2013 21:26

I bet if I buy him puppy pads now he will have forgotten what to do! I mean I suppose I could use both. I dont have to just let him pee on the pad, I can still catch him when hes on his way to it and take him outside but at least its there for accidents. I feel so sorry for him being in the crate.. I would deffo use the crate at night though, he likes it at night and doesnt cry just goes to sleep

OP posts:

MrsFrederickWentworth · 25/04/2013 21:31

Don't waste money on puppy pads. Newspaper is fine. But chickens method is well tested, everywhere to begin with, then smaller areas.

Floralnomad · 25/04/2013 21:36

If realistically in a few weeks this pup is not clean and you will then want to rehome it would be fairer to the pup to try and get its breeder to take it back now so that he has a better chance of getting that good start in life. Sorry if that sounds really negative but you don't sound that committed to keeping him and TBH in your position a lot of people would feel the same . I think you seriously need to look at what is best for the dog .

needastrongone · 25/04/2013 21:40

Well liking the crate is a big bonus. Many dogs struggle with this.

Just my own opinion, no expert and not wishing to start an argument but I personally wouldn't growl at him. Rather reward the positive and ignore or divert negative behaviour.. I would also worry about the kids picking up onthe growling and using it inappropriately maybe stressing the puppy.

tabulahrasa · 25/04/2013 21:45

With regards to the crate - it's not magic, putting him in the crate to stop him going to the toilet won't really help. The crate helps with house training because they're usually reluctant to go to the toilet where they sleep, but, if he really needs he'll still go there too. The crate is just for when you can't supervise him.

I took mine out the second he woke up from any sleep (not just at night I mean) a minute or so after eating, after any sessions of playing or running about and about every half hour he was awake in between those. Doing that I caught most of it and he only had a couple of accidents a day in the house until it clicked and then the accidents dwindled off.

Scuttlebutter · 25/04/2013 21:48

OP, I am going to go against the flow on this one. From what you've said, your DH is refusing to help, and it sounds like your marriage is in serious trouble. Please take a minute and think about how you will manage a tiny puppy if your marriage breaks up. Many rented properties won't accept dogs (even adult housetrained ones). If you need to go out to work to support yourself that is not fair on the pup. Unlike an adult dog, you simply cannot leave a puppy home alone for hours at a time. I see many, many dogs surrendered and abandoned when marriages are in trouble or around divorces, especially as it's often a time when money is tight.

It isn't fair on you to have this single handed responsibility. I would strongly suggest returning this puppy to the breeder immediately. Wait until your youngest DC is a little older, and you have a more secure footing at home, and then think about a dog.

I wish you all the best as you've been left in a really difficult position and you are going to have to make some very tough choices (not just about the puppy).

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo · 25/04/2013 22:01

no aggression at all. not sure what the sad face is about. you were stating a point, i stated a point. you stated another that i hadn't said so i asked you who said it. that's how this forum business works. i'm not sure how to address your comments without, um adressing your comments.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 25/04/2013 22:16

I shan't comment in whether you should or shouldn't keep the pup as you are going to do what you are going to do.

But I consider that I crate trained, but pup was only in it for my school runs, if I had to go upstairs for longer than a few minutes and at night. Over than night time, he was only in there an hour or two at the most added up all day.

Locking him in a crate won't substitute the kind of thing idirdog suggests. It was really intense and full on toilet training for around 3 weeks for us but then he got it. But this involved following him round the garden at midnight in winter in my pj's in the rain just so I could applaud a tiny wee. It is worth the investment of your time. And in all honesty in it one of the smaller sacrifices you will end up making if you keep the pup. They are utterly worth it but our lives revolve around ours. I couldn't do it if I didn't want that.

Original poster

mummyof2kidsx · 25/04/2013 22:17

yeah we are going through some serious problems. The good thing is that I am a SAHM, and if me and my husband were to split I would go back home to my parents, they have agreed to take me back, the kids and our puppy so he will always have a home. I am going to give it a few more weeks. The puppy does get a lot of attention and will be spoilt. just need him to be housetrained then things will be less stressful. Thank you everyone for all of your advice! My sheltie is called Jake and he is adorbale so i'm not going to give up on him easy. xxx

OP posts:

HoneyDragon · 25/04/2013 22:22

Erm as an aside if you split you do not have to leave the family home. It is your legal right to remain there, and your dcs and your dogs.

But his playstation in a box and rehome him, he needs housetraining never mind the dog.

Original poster

mummyof2kidsx · 25/04/2013 22:28

haha honeydragon thanks. il see if i can purchase a crate in manchild size xx

OP posts:

gymmummy64 · 25/04/2013 23:08

Chickens no no no, this is like when good friends have more kids without any reference to old friends who have no more kids. Why? How? When? Really sorry OP for hjack

littlewhitebag · 26/04/2013 05:58

We got our lab pup at the start of last summer. Both DD (ages 14 and 19 then) were at home because it was school and uni holidays. DH was also off work the whole summer. We worked as a team for around 8 weeks doing the necessary training. Even then we were all stressed and tired at times. I have no idea how I would have managed it my self with small children and no other help. Your DH is being incredibly selfish especially as he bought the pup in the first place. It may be difficult but give some serious thought to rehoming him. If this is not an option go to classes as soon as possible. You will learn so much. Good luck.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 26/04/2013 07:44

Gym - I think I've gone mad. Have been thinking about it for a few months and had a few chats with my behaviouist about how it might work. Decided to take the plunge. New pup comes home tomorrow

FragileTitanium · 26/04/2013 08:35

Well done for being so brave as to admit you may have made a mistake. I was in exactly the same position as you a month ago and was regretting getting my lovely puppy for my little daughter. Was too scared to say so on this forum because I just couldn't handle the passive aggressive abuse some people need to give...

I would say that I am so glad I didn't give up our puppy. Things got a lot better quite quickly and she has become a very loved member of our family. Things that made it easier for me are:

-Early feeding schedule (see other posts on puppy pooing at night).
-3 walks a day.
-She's a small dog, so I take her everywhere with me on my bike and -Carry her in a doggy handbag carrier (see previous posts for abuse on that!).
-Simple Solution Stain and Odour remover - liquid bacteria that eats all the microscopic poo/wee left behind after you've "cleaned" your floor. Takes away all odour and puppy doesn't go in the same place again.
-Gwen Bailey The Perfect Puppy Book - abit like Gina Ford for dogs - gave me massive confidence
-This forum - try to ignore people who provide opinions without facts or helpful advice. They do this to make themselves feel better, not to help you.

Best of luck with whatever you decide. If you do decide to rehome - do it responsibly (which I'm sure you would) and then just forgive yourself for having made a mistake. Everyone makes them - it doesn't make you a bad person.

All the best.

Original poster

mummyof2kidsx · 26/04/2013 10:06

Fragile titanium, thank u so much for sharing what happened with u and your pup. Im so gald to hear it worked out well. Well I am going to give it a few more weeks anyway and maybe try a few different things. I'm trying to get him to go out athe moment. He is just too scared..

OP posts:

kitsmummy · 26/04/2013 11:09

Having a puppy is, frankly, quite depressing. For at least two or three months. And with having small children as well, you will feel that your whole life is about poo, wee and drudgery.

But it does end, and then it's brilliant, you'll be disproportionately over the moon!

But it won't be much better in two weeks time, in fact you may not have noticed any progress at all. You're going to need to give this a lot more time to get better and you need to be truthful with yourself about wether you're willing to give it longer.

Perihelion · 26/04/2013 12:16

I would suggest taking him out without your DC atm. Then you can give him your full attention and even just carry him in your arms to start with, so he can get used to the outside world.

foolonthehill · 26/04/2013 14:21

Back in September 2011 I had a thread called "the husband or the dog?". I really feel for you. In my case the dog was rehomed (he was a rescue and they took him back and we called ourselves "foster carers" he ended up in a great home fortunately).

After some sound advice on the relationship board i also "rehomed" the H.

If you need a hand to hold there are some excellent people over there.

Good luck with puppy, and family.

PS we (me and 4 DC) now have a gorgeous Springer, and life is mostly good.

pigsDOfly · 26/04/2013 16:05

Would second those who say don't be ashamed if you have to admit to having made a mistake OP. Don't beat yourself up if you do end up giving the dog back to the breeder.

My gorgeous girl came to me at 8 weeks crate trained and almost house trained (wonderful breeder) she slept through the night without a murmur from the first night and apart from the odd wee never had an accident. It was nothing I did, I was just incredibly lucky but I still found it incredibly hard work and there were times when I was close to tears. I'm retired and live alone (I've brought up 3 children and would say it's pretty much the same as a puppy) so didn't have your pressures OP.

She 2yo now and she's amazing. Not a day goes by that she doesn't make me laugh and she so positive and jolly. If you can stick it out it will be worthwhile in the long run.

If you do decide to keep your puppy you'll also find lots of useful information on the internet as well as reading books. And keep on coming back on here because there are a lot of well informed people willing to help.

No advice to offer really OP, just to wish you well with whatever you decide.

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