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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

memo to my dog

39 replies

thewizenedone · 25/04/2012 08:21

Please note, on our daily walks in the fields the following:-

  1. I am in charge, no really, when I call your name its because I want you to come to me- standing with the occasional nonchalant glance my way does not count as your undivided attention [hmmm]
  2. Deer- I know you have never seen one before but the fact that it legged it indicates it really really did not want to make your acquaintance- chasing it proved one thing, it runs faster Grin
  1. Cow pats- these are not, and I cannot stress this enough, a food source- Confused and the green/brown face after is not an attractive look

that is all Wink

OP posts:
Toomanychoices · 25/04/2012 09:32

To my 13 week old GR. Don't bite DD2, she will stop playing with you and you know how much you enjoy playing together

MessyTerrier · 25/04/2012 12:28

Dear Terrier,

When we meet new dogs on the street/at the park please don't growl and assume the "pounce" position as an invitation to play. I know what it means because I'm used to you but other people don't and it can be interpreted as aggression.

Other than that, carry on as you were. Smile

ThunderboltKid · 25/04/2012 12:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

SnoopyKnine · 25/04/2012 13:55

Thank you for the fab times we have at agility. I know your were frightened and terrified of all the other dogs and the noise to start with but I am so proud of how you have learnt to trust me and now tolerate other dogs so well. You are a star to compete with me and understand when I save left I always mean right!

ScarlettInSpace · 25/04/2012 15:10

The kitchen roll I am using to clean up your indoor accidents is not repeat NOT a new toy to chase/attack...

Although it is very cute to watch when you are doing it to OH on the rare occasions he cleans up indoor accidents

Kladdkaka · 25/04/2012 15:42

Dear Westie

The big, black dog down the road is a Rottweiler and about 10x your size. I know you think it's fun to annoy him and try draw him into a fight. When he does eventually snap and fight back, please don't expect me to wade in on your behalf.

FundusCrispyPancake · 25/04/2012 15:57

Dear Terrier

She is MY baby, you cannot help look after her, you are a dog.

When she cries at 4am, scratching at the kitchen door and howling does not help me get her to sleep.

Playing with your squeaky ball does not help her to stay asleep.

Licking her face does not help me to change her nappy and is not very hygienic.

Whoopydofoxpoo · 25/04/2012 18:24

Yes I know the news says there is a drought - but have you looked out the window today ? Walkies later - promise (as long as it stops tipping down ) x

MrsGypsy · 25/04/2012 18:35

Dear Beagle

I do the recycling, not you. That means you don't have to get up in the middle of the night to tip over the rubbish bin and sort it into piles of stuff that has come into contact with food, and stuff that hasn't. Leftover food in the bin is not the motherlode that needs to be eaten. You get your dinner at 5pm. It would be nice if we could finally move you off the really bloody expensive diet food, but you are fat because you eat so much.

Horse poo is not food.

Goldie is a very large, slightly overweight Bull Mastiff. You are a little Beagle. It ain't going to happen, mate. Particularly when you try to have sex with the wrong end and shag her face by mistake.

Newtothisstuff · 25/04/2012 18:38

Dear border collie

STOP SHITTING ON THE DOOR MAT !!
It's to wipe your feet on not your arse, you are seriously getting on my nerves !!!! Grin

Kladdkaka · 25/04/2012 20:27

Dear other westie

That flash of fur you can just about see through the gap under the cellar door that you spend all day watching is The Cat. She is family. SHE IS NOT DINNER!

PS to first westie.

Do not egg her on. You may find it funny, The Cat doesn't.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 25/04/2012 20:35

Dear Lab

I know you love me. But sidling silently up behind me and waiting for me to fall over you is not the appropriate way to alert me to your presence.

I will swear. You will look hurt.

When you want fuss your patented nose under elbow flick when I have a drink in my hand is annoying for us both.

I will swear. You will look hurt.

Rowgtfc72 · 26/04/2012 17:49

Dear big Jack Russell
Stop crapping up the wall. I know its been your party trick for 14 yrs but its starting to take the paint off. Park your bum on the floor like normal dogs.

Rowgtfc72 · 26/04/2012 17:51

Dear small Jack russell
Commando crawling across the floor to steal food is not endearing. Neither is humping the big Jack Russells head. Especially as you are a girl. And he isnt.

LtEveDallas · 26/04/2012 18:12

Dear Mutt. Its about time you learned the truth. You will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER catch a squirrel. I'm sorry, truly I am, but even though we think there is a touch of whippet in you, a squirrel will always be faster Sad

Also, you are not allowed to sleep on my bed. We have had words, many, many words on the matter, yet I still wake up as you push me out of the bed. If you are going to disobey me, at learn least be nice about it Hmm

Oh, and cows are not bigger MuttDogs, they may have the same markings, but there is no point in taking a cow a tennis ball - he doesn't want to play fetch.

cocolepew · 26/04/2012 18:23

have you all seen texts from Dog ?bit sweary but very funny

CiderwithBuda · 26/04/2012 18:31

Love the texts from the dog. So funny.

To my two labs. Yes you can go out in the garden in the rain but please remember that you will then be in the utility room till you dry off. Then I will let you back in the kitchen. Then you will both want to go out again. In the rain. This is why you spend so much time in the utility room.

cocolepew · 26/04/2012 18:36

Dear Mol, Please stop licking your bits and then trying to lick my mouth. You don't have to follow me everywhere I go, I find it hard to wee while you sit staring at me.

Oh and you are not a human, stop sitting on my knee with your 'arms' around me. You loon.

morethanyoubargainfor · 26/04/2012 18:39

Dear curlybutt,

We are your owners not your staff!

You are supposed to walk everywhere, you are a dog not a cab riding human,
We bath you because we like to share a house with a nice smelling dog, i understand you put in a lot of effort to change both your colour and scent but we do not appreciate it Grin.
You are not a single dog, you have 2 doggy friends who live us (and that means all of us). However hard you try they are not going anywhere. Get used to it!!

Dear loopy lurcher,

we understand you are a dog and therefore everything in the world is your favourite thing to do but,

It would be nice to get dressed alone every once in a while, just because we put our socks on does not mean you are going out walking right away,

It would be nice for us to have a pee without you sitting looking at us or without you whinging outside the door if we dare to close it!

Could you understand that not all food in the house is yours.

That the alarm clock is not your signal to join us in bed in the morning, it is simply a sound to wake the humans!

Dear Chihuahua,

You have only lived with us for 12 days and so far so good, please do not copy the big lads bad but endearing bad habits. Grin.

Love from

Me!!!

boringnickname · 26/04/2012 18:39

Dear JRT - you knew that running in the mud flats was going to end up with you having a bath and a blow dry, so there was no point in giving me THAT look.

PS - i love you xxx

Choufleur · 26/04/2012 20:03

Dear gorgeous springers

My life in the house is not dedicated to letting you out the back door, and then back in again, and then back out, and back in .....

Birthhippy9 · 26/04/2012 20:10

Dear Bertie,

I don't appreciate you waking the house up at 5:30 every morning to be let out but when I see how patient you are with my puppy children (3 year old cuddles and strokes him) you melt my heart and I forgive you.

TwllBach · 26/04/2012 20:15

Dear collie dog,

I love you. Very much. As I write this you are being my pillow and I am very cosy and comfy. You make me smile in the morning because you are always happy to see me. However, rolling in cow shit is not endearing, neither is jumping at people when they come through the door. You could be worse though Grin and I appreciate that I do things that annoy you too.

CupOfBrownJoy · 26/04/2012 20:23

Dear Spaniel

I love the fact that you are independent and have so much personality, I do. And I am in awe of your unending confidence in all social situations.

However, when we go for a walk, I'd like us to walk together, preferably please. Or even near each other would be good.

I know you know where you are, but a cheery smile and a "see you back at the ranch!" look in your eye is unacceptable. We walk together. Its embarrassing to have to go and look for you in front of other walkers....

Aside from that, you're wonderful and I love you. And thank you for becoming vaguely better behaved now you're 4. If you had remained how you were at 2 years old, I don't think we would still be friends..... Sad

Cup xxx

CrustyOnion · 26/04/2012 20:48

Dear Border Collie

Other people are allowed to walk on the field behind our house. They do not need to be told off. It does not matter if crows land on it either.

Yes. Yes, I can hear that faint high pitched whine you do. While my hearing is not as acute as yours I can still hear THAT. It's annoying. Please stop.

Humans communicate by talking. This is how I know that you are lying when you insist that you haven't been out in ages when I know you have been taken on a 10 mile hike.

Please look behind you before walking backwards. The toddler is fed up of being pushed over.

Why do you walk directly in front of me and then block the way to the wishing machine when you see me carrying the full laundry basket? Do you like being tripped over?

Thank you for all the lovely cuddles and leans you give me. You make me smile every day. I really do adore you and you are a fantastic family pet.