To give my elderly dog away

[Piggyleroux]

I am so distraught that I can't think clearly.

I have a 15 yo JRT bitch and a 23 mo ds. Here's the problem:

In the last three months, ds has taken a sudden interest in the dog i.e wanting to ride her, chasing her relentlessly wanting to cuddle her. She is elderly and snappy and I have had to resort to putting a babygate up in the kitchen and keeping her in there while ds is up and about. I have repeatedly told him, no, leave doggy alone, to no avail.

Walks are a major issue. It is a fight every morning to get ds to put a jumper on, let alone a coat, he won't sit in the buggy or get in the car without a massive fight and if I let him walk, he wants to hold the lead and we end up walking at a snails pace so the dog doesn't get any decent exercise.

She has started exhibiting behavioural issues, barking and scratching herself and seems really unhappy. I am so stressed with it all I cry every morning.

Dh works away during the week, so she does get a weekend walk with him but it's not enough. We can't afford a dog walker.

My inlaws called me last night (I've told them about the issues) and said that their good friends have just lost their westie and would love to take pippin on. They live in north Wales on a small holding so if she went I would never see her. i have met the couple, they are in their late sixties and are really lovely but that makes it no easier. I feel so shit about this, I can't bear to give her away but she has a such a shit existence here, no walks hardly, and being stu in a kitchen while ds is awake is really stressing her.

Advice? This is tearing me apart.

My childhood dog died the year before last at about that age and we were all heartbroken.

I would honestly advise you to get your DS into line. He will need to cooperate when he goes to school and he is old enough to start learning that now. If not, I would put the jumper and coat on him and strap him into the buggy forcibly. If you put the jumper and coat on everyday, regardless of any fight he puts up, he will soon learn that's what's going to happen. If he can undo the straps, put more straps on so that he can't. There are times when toddlers have to sit in buggies and your walks with your dog are one of them.

If he fails to leave the dog alone, gate your DS into the kitchen. Every time he touches the dog, gate him into the kitchen (for 2 minutes at a time, as he is nearly 2) as a sort of naughty step. Every time, remind him at the start and end of the 2 minutes why he is behind the gate.

My children are a little older, nearly 4 and 6 and both went through a wilful phase. They do need to learn that they are not the boss and if you tackle it with no nonsense as soon as it arises, they are more likely to behave properly in the future.

Consider instead if you had a newborn right now and your DS was jealous and interfering with the baby. You couldn't rehome the baby, you'd have to get your DS to behave.

How stressful for you. However, you can try to make the situation is a positive one by using it as a starting point to teach your son to listen to you. He has to learn that 'no' means 'no', most of all for his own safety. Also, he has to learn that if you want to dress him, he has to co-operate, no way round it. You cannot have daily battles about such futile things. It would make him more and more headstrong and would store lots of problems up for in the future. Good luck.

I've got 2 springers and my 2 kids have grown up with the kids. We allowed the dogs to be wherever they wanted to be as we felt that shutting them away was too stressful. My 2 kids both at ages 2 and 3 have hit the dogs but the dogs have either learnt to stay away or they have snapped at them and the kids then learnt the hard way. Now one of my dogs loves to be with the kids as they've grown up and adores their friends being here and constantly wants to play. The other dog just stays out of the way but loves the food they chuck him. One parent of their friends said her son was scared of dogs so we helped him to feed and play with our dogs and now they have a dog of their own. I would have to get the double pushchair with both kids in to walk the dogs and sometimes the kids would be happy sometimes they wouldn't and it was really difficult so I do sympathise but I think I would try to give it one last chance.

I think it partly depends on the dog, I have 3, one of them is seriously independent and self confident and I am sure if (god forbid) I had to rehome her, she'd just take it in her stride, the other 2 I wouldn't be so sure about.

OP you know your dog best so do what's best for her, if you are confident she would be happy to retire to the countryside don't let your feelings stop you. BUT if you are really not sure about it then it might be time to set some boundaries for your DS, there have been some very good suggestion on this thread.

You need to consider your childs safety as well as your dogs happiness - a stressed and upset dog who is not coping with a toddler may turn on your DC (the dog is already being snappy.....).

The child and dog should not be in the same room AT ALL - it's going to stress the dog more. I think dog and child need their own space but that doesn't mean rehoming is the only option, if you are able to reorganise things a bit - can the dog have the run of certain rooms (in my house that would be kitchen/utility/back garden, but shut in Utility room/garden if child was in kitchen), during the day and have nice "family time" with the adults when DC is in bed?
I don't have dogs myself but this is what we do with my mums dogs when she comes to stay, and it keeps both dogs and children safe/happy. The children and dogs do mix for playtimes in the garden of course but we want them (dc and dogs all being calm and sensible indoors!).

Of course the dc need to learn to leave dogs/other animals alone, but that takes time and some kids really want to be at animals all the time, separation is the best course of action.

Your poor dog. YABU of course, because your dog is elderly and will be devastated to be abandoned by you even if she is going to a nice home. YABU to let your toddler terrorise your dog too, it's no wonder she is exibiting stress behaviours. I've got an elderly greyhound and a snippy JRT and DD learnt very early that she was not to annoy them. It's not rocket science.

As for your toddler not doing what you say - you need to nail this one now because he will only get more wilful as he gets older.

I had a battle every single day with my DD to get her into a buggy to get my DS to school, I just factored in the extra time getting up. It can be done and you are bigger and able to make them get dressed and in the pram, so I do think you need to be firm. I know it's stressful but in the long run it's better that they see you don't give in because of their behaviour.

I think that you could keep your dog and make it comfortable. Having a safe space away from your toddler is do-able as you have shown with the stairgate, and the dog will get plenty of free roam time after bedtime to spend time with you.

The question is whether you want to?

Thanks for the replies.

I am firm with my ds. It doesn't make any difference, and it will take time to instill into him that he shouldn't pull her about and that he needs to wear his coat etc. we dont live within walking distance of a green space so it is road walks or a trip in the car. tbh, I'm more concerned about the effect being shut in the kitchen is having on her. It is not an option to let her have the run of downstairs when ds is up, he will not leave her alone end of. She will end up biting him as she is quite a snappy dog anyway.

I think I might phone the couple tonight and talk things over with them.

Poor dog. You need to sort out your childs behaviour, he seems to rule the roost. won't put a jumper on, too bad, put it on!
Give the dog to someone who will love and care for it

If you decide to keep your dog and persevere then try a DAP diffuser from your vets. Plug in diffuser which is dog phetemones to help with stress of fireworks night/ moving house/anything else which stresses a dog out. They really work gore some dogs and not at all for others. Quite expensive but I would say worth a try in conjunction with other measures

Good luck

Piggy, just a bit of sympathy from someone who has a very wilful 23 month old. It is so stressful at times, she screams in her pushchair, jumps on dd1, demands to have peppa pig on ALL the time, etc and sometimes it just seems easier to give in. But it isn't in the long run. I now bribe my toddler with breadsticks and raisins to get in the pushchair on the school run. Tell her we can walk when we get to a certain point on the way back and she now knows where we can get out and sits still until that point, physically remove her from the room dd1 is in if she hits her or jumps on her, (sometimes i do this three times, she eventually gets it) etc. I am being very, very firm with he'd and it is working.

It would be such a shame to regime your dog at thus stage if her life. Can you put her bed in your bedroom so she has somewhere safe to go without being pushed out. Does your toddler nap?

I am firm with my ds. It doesn't make any difference, and it will take time to instill into him that he shouldn't pull her about

There's a bit of a disconnect here. If your DS is in the same room as the dog and he pulls her around, what is the consequence? There needs to be one - firmly telling him isn't enough. Putting the dog away is a sort of consequence but not a fair one.

I can't advise you what the appropriate consequence is in your case - (fortunately my DD understood from early on that our dog was not a plaything but I can't remember now whether I had to do anything in particular to achieve this!)

What BeerTricks said. The potential new home sounds lovely but at 15 years old that's going to be a hell of an upheaval from everything she's known and, let's face it, she's not got many years left. I say sounds lovely because it really does smack of 'the dog's gone to a lovely farm in the country'.

A small dog of that age doesn't need a great deal of exercise. Being gated into the kitchen with access to the garden and a short walk once per day alongside a buggy would be perfectly acceptable.

No experience with children but, as an outsider, it strikes me that sooner or later your son is going to have to learn to do as he's bloody well told!

We had to do this. We had a 2yr old border collie from a rescue. We had him for 2years before DD1 came along. Then when I was pregnant with DD2, he was losing out on walks and time and started snapping at people. One day DD1 startled him and he came too close to biting her so we had to take him back.
You have to think of the dogs' quality of life too. It was heartbreaking, we both sobbed as we left him, it took a long time to get over it. We felt we had let him down. However, we know he has been re-homed so in our minds at least he is on a small-holding just as you describe.

My dad always told me I was a terror with our dogs always trying to ride/ pull ears, tails etc they tried everything until my dad decided enough was enough and the next time I pulled a tail he pulled my hair (sharp) I still mind it and i was bout 3 anyway made me cry but he explained that I was making Bruce (the dog) cry as his tail was his hair

Worked with me but then those were the days you could smack and not be deemed a bad parent, It does seem that you are punishing the dog not the child as its the easy option though

What BeerTricksPotter said.

Honestly, it sounded from the OP and your second post as if you had made up your mind anyway. So I shall say my bit and feck off.

I don't think this is about the dog 100%, I think it sounds as if you are finding dealing with your toddler very stressful. You can't take him in the car either? How do you live (serious question)?

I think you are hoping that rehoming the dog will take some pressure off you and perhaps, at the very very back of your mind, be a magic fix. I don't think it will. I was suddenly a LP with two very boisterous dogs (had them on a farm, before split) and it was stressful - I'd have given good money for someone to take them away. So I do get it. But you have to sort this business with the coat/buggy/car/not doing as you say out surely - if not now and for the dog, then when?

How about trying Homestart for some advice and/or your local church/community group for help with dog walking/dog sitting? Some older people I know won't take on another dog but are only gagging to borrow someone else's.

IME it takes 6 months to a year for a rehomed dog to fully settle into a new home - she may not be massively happy now, but moving her won't improve that for quite some time and given her age, that's something I think you really need to think about.

Everything you post points to the dog being of least consideration. Your son 'pulls her about' and it sounds like you don't rescue her when this happens? Your poor, poor dog, you're really fucking lucky she hasn't already bitten your son and if she does it won't be her fault.

Harsh Callisto, but sadly I agree.
I wish Valhalla was still around.

I'm with MrsTerryPratchett on this. There are two issues you have to deal with, and given that it's already a stressful situation for the dog, and likely to go on for some time until you can successfully deal with your son's behaviour, the best place for the dog is somewhere more peaceful for her. I don't think it's appropriate to keep an older dog in that situation and be basically used as a learning tool for dealing with your son's behaviour - that's not what animals should be used for. Even elderly animals can adapt well to new circumstances, especially if those circumstances are calmer/less stressful, and most especially when being rehomed to people who have experience of the breed and their needs.

Let her bite him? He might actually learn then.
Seriously why don't you just physically stop him pulling her about? You're much bigger than him. Shut him away for two-minute timeout every time he does it, otherwise he won't ever learn.