You know you have a dog when...

[mrsfred]

...at six o'clock on a Friday evening, dark and p**ing down with rain, you feel the need to go out for a walk.

You think your children are pretty good eaters... until you go away without the dog and stare in dismay at all the toast and cheerios under your friends' kitchen table.

.. you go round to a friend's house, your dog poos in their garden, jumps in their pond, brings a dead bird into their house AND skids across the kitchen floor with wet muddy feet....

You haven't brushed your hair, had a shower, and are still in your dressing gown but get the biggest welcome ever and are made to feel the most loved person in the world when you come into the room - you left 5 mins earlier!

oh minimu, definitely. that has to be teh best thing about being a doggy mummy.

When you find underwear strewn damply around the laundry basket.

But also when you don't want to get out of the chair and go to bed cos you've a lovely warm slightly snoring lapful.

When you always know that the phone is ringing, even if you are too far away to hear it, because of the incessant howling....

similarly, you never know if your doorbell actually works or not.

You find the car tax reminder, open it thinking you'll sort it in a day or two, only to find your car tax has expired and your DH found the reminder under the sofa after the postman suggested he looked as he has seen the dog nicking the post and stashing it through the big living room window on which 25kg of dog squashes herself onto the narrow window sill as she thinks she is a cat.

When your sofa cushion has a hole in.

When you are sitting in bed not having been awakened by slobber dog as she is on holiday so the hall floorboards can be sanded as part of the war against mud.

When none of your cupboards, tables, chairs, wardrobes or knobs have corners on them any more.

You learn very quickly which of your friends have dog-proof gardens.

Our van has been referred to as a compost heap. Really? Why????

You learn very quickly which of your friends have dog-proof children ...

You become expert at removing undigested long grass from your dogs rectum, without gagging.

And not only do you not gag, but you find it weirdly therapeutic.

Ha ha! Yes! It's that constant tripping over some being or other! Or some horrible chewed thing. AAAAAaaagh!!!! My favourite shoes!!!!!!

When you cannot open the fridge without a companion sitting on your feet widening his baggy eyes at you.

When your interior design principles are simply "whatever hides the dog hair".

you dont mind getting up at 3am to let them out for the toilet!

And a trip to the pet shop is quite exciting because you know your dog will LOVE what you buy him... and a little pink collar for the new puppy. so cute.

Well, it's a toss up between minding being woken at 3 a.m. (invariably on a night when you've got something important the next day - how do they bloody know?) and being pleased that they didn't go in the house, letting you come down first thing in the morning to a surprise in the kitchen/hall/wherever. I very slightly favour being woken at 3 but it is a close call.

I would much rather open the door, let him go busy and go back to bed than clean up the mess.

Incidentally if you look at the time I have posted this, please note I have been up since 4am with Loofa, letting him out to be sick and go to the toilet. These tablets are making him poorly today.

Much preferable to cleaning it up in the house.

He seems fine now, so am heading back to bed.

When you sleep in the spare bed because the dog curled up next to DH before you did.

when you are having a night out and your first thought is to book the dog sitter before sorting out the kids

When you pull out dog biscuit crumbs and poo bags out of the washing machine because you forgot to check pockets...