Is it possible to love a dog too much?

[musicposy]

Please be honest with me, I can take it (I think!) .

2010 has been a crap year. I was due to have a baby in October but lost it at the end of the first trimester. I was terribly depressed and just couldn't get over it. DH talked to occ health at work because he was struggling too and they suggested getting a puppy!

As it happened a friend of my brothers had a pregnant bitch at the time. Once the puppies were born we chose one and went round to visit her every week. At 8 weeks we took her home. She is a bit of a heinz 57 but mostly a JRT/ spaniel cross.

She is now 4 months and I absolutely adore her, I can't tell you how much. I'm so much happier and coping much better than I ever thought I would with the fact that the birth would have been fairly imminent.

I take her with me whenever I can, and I work from home so am not away from her much. She is always at my feet or beside me. I'm relaxing with DD in her room right now and puppy is laying on her bed beside me.

I think her training is coming on beautifully for a 4 month old dog. She is very motivated by her stomach so I've done everything by reward. She sits and lies down on command, will wait for permission to eat her food, obeys "stay", was house trained very quickly (the odd accident now and then, but very few and far between), is reliable off the lead and has excellent recall (as long as she doesn't see a cat, which I still need to work on!).

But, I'm coming in for a lot of critisism from friends and family who are saying I'm too soft and need to start some "proper training" before it's too late. I do let her on the furniture and she sleeps on our bed and I think this is what is causing the critisism. She still has a tendency to jump up at newcomers, too. We are asking visitors to ignore her when she does this and it is improving, but I think some extended family members would like to see her told off for it. We had a party Monday and she licked someone's plate - she wouldn't normally do that with us but it was a very different situation for her. But it did draw a lot of critisism from friends!

She can feel the cold so I am making her a little dog coat, and have bought her some nice accessories and toys. DH said the other day when I was enthusing about this, "she's not a real baby, you know, and I think you should stop treating her like one".

I know she isn't a real baby, of course. I'm well aware she is a pet. But she has undoubtedly helped fill a void in my life. I will always love my daughters and my family first and foremost, that goes without saying. But do you think it is wrong to adore this puppy so much? Will it make the puppy too dependent on me? Should I toughen up and not let her on furniture etc?

I know there a few dog experts out there and I'd value your opinions.

You set the rules. If you let her up on the furniture then she will - but if it's not a problem for you it doesn't matter what others think.

Nothing wrong with only using positive training methods either. She sounds adorable and as if she has helped you through a very difficult time.

What you are doing is positive training. Telling her off won't help any quicker. Infact it will only confuse her set your training back.

Read up on clicker training or give a shout out to Midori.

With puppies you should always start as you meant to go on, so if you are going to allow her to sit on the sofa, fine, continue with this. But if not then you should stop it now. My overgrown ball of fluff sleeps on my sofa. We fight over one particular place in the sofa. Every time I get up he shuffles along into my seat

Coats can be useful to some breeds who do feel the cold, but they can also be dangerous to some breeds and cause them to over heat. When you say she can feel the cold, how do you know this? Are you sure she is not shaking with excitement?

I personally think that more owners should be like you. Sounds like your doing a fab job.

I wouldn't let dogs on the soft furnishings myself, but hey, it's your house, your hair-covered sofa! You sound like you're doing a great job to me.

Dogs like things simple.

I don't let mine on the furniture because I would never let her on when she was muddy (and she loves to get filthy!). If I let her on clean I would have to let her on dirty, otherwise she would be confused iyswim.

It's all about what you want. I would try to stop her jumping on guests, if you don't want to use negative reinforcement then could you shut her away when people walk in and introduce her when everyone is settled and has been prepped with what you want them to do?

The coat thing, that's worth knowing. We went camping a couple of weeks ago and took her with us. I woke up a couple of times at around 5am to find her shivering. It was definitely shivering, she felt very cold to touch. We put her under a fleecy blanket and she was fine. The nights after that we put a blanket over her at bedtime. One night she shook it off but the other nights she stayed under it.

A few nights I've had all the windows open and it has got a bit chilly. She's tried to get under the duvet or a blanket. So, I wouldn't use a coat now but I thought she might need one in the winter on walks. She is quite short haired. We have an 8 year old sheltie too, very hairy, and he loves the cold weather, never any need for a coat, so this is new to us! But I will keep an eye for overheating.

I think DH would like her off the furniture but I am more than happy for her to stay on. I reckon he will give in.

I think clicker training would be a good idea as she seems to love learning new things. I think it might be good if all of us in the family have one so we are consistent but the ones I've seen seem quite pricey for what they are. Any recommendations?

My clicker was 99p from the local pet shop. You don't need a fancy one.

Can I just say that there's nothing wrong with how much you love - or the good you are doing her and that she is doing you. (yes, keep her off couch and bed)

But the love part - you have needed something to focus on, something to love. That is one of the healing things about animals

She sounds like a delightful little soul who has settled into your family very well.
Everyone has different rules for their dogs as long as your are happy with your rules - that is the most important thing.
I am sitting her with my 16 week old bundle of joy sat next me on the sofa, but he is not allowed on the bed.
I get newcomers to ask my bundle to sit and then reward him when he sits so that he learns to sit on his bottom to greet guests. However, he is at a similar age and doesn't always get it right but we are working on it.
As for the love - when Fetlar was attacked last week I couldn't bear the thought I might loose him not the same level as a child, but still a very real fear.

Music, your dog sounds adorable and you sound like a concerned, caring, responsible owner. Lots of people let their dogs up on the furniture including virtually every sighthound/pointy owner I know, including us. It sounds as though you are sensibly working on a training programme that will make your dog a pleasure to be around as an adult - nobody expects perfection in a puppy.

Dogs (and other animals, such as horses) can offer a huge amount of support for people going through stressful or difficult times - that's well documented and nothing to be ashamed of. I know masses of people who have kept going through dreadful depression, serious illness and bereavement because their animals have helped them through it - they offer a reason to get up each day, and an uncomplicated, unconditional love. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, and it must be hard at times to deal with your grief. Caring about an animal is not making a child substitute - it's something people have been doing for thousands of years.

We have greyhounds and they need coats as they're so skinny - believe me, if you met some of the owners I know, nobody would say they are doing the adult equivalent of dressing up a teddy. It's perfectly natural if you care about your animal to want to ensure it has the right kit ( must admit, it does also unleash a certain shopping enthusiasm - I have a particular weakness for beautiful hand made martingale collars, ahem, but that's another story).

You mentioned some comments coming from extended family members - I think I'd reduce the time I spent with them and feel sorry for them that they couldn't enjoy the simple, lovely pleasures of owning and yes, loving an animal companion, whether that is cat, goldfish, llama, donkey, horse or dog.

What ScuttleButter said.

You sound lovely and I wish that there were more out there like you.

As for the nasty comments, huh, ignore them (or do what I'd do and tell them to take a hike!). :o

Id start dishing out tips on their parenting or their love lives - cheeky feckers! your dog your choice,

Even without reading your OP I was feeling you can't love an animal too much as they need love and protecting so much.

I am sorry for your loss but really pleased your puppy is helping you all through it.

The only thing I would be careful of is allowing the dog to sleep on your bed if you wouldn't allow him to do so if you were to have another baby. My cat slept on my bed before children. I did make it less of a blow though and she has had a loverly new beanbag and is on her second cosy bed .

Thank you for all your lovely comments! I will be a bit firmer with the critics.

I did think about that, sorrento. Having another baby is extremely unlikely as I'm 43 and this was a bit of a last ditch hope for us. But I had thought that in the very unlikely event it were to happen, I would need to make sure the puppy's life stayed the same as much as possible, so it's something to consider. The bed thing was originally just for a night or two when we first got her (!) but she seems to have stayed and I don't really mind. My older dog has a crate which he adores and goes in at night by choice. I did originally think we'd get one for her too, but she just cries and howls every time we put her even near it, so I guess the bed it is for now .

As others have said, I don't think you are loving your dig too much. Dogs are meant to be loved to feel safe and secure. You know she isn't a real baby, it's not like you are bottle feeding her and pushing her about in a buggy!
Babies need our love and attention as they are unable to provide for themselves, puppies are just the same in that sense so as an owner, we must provide for them.

I have a 13 week old puppy who I adore. In all honesty, we bought him to help me cope with the death of my 7 month old puppy who I totally adored. I didn't think I could over his death but my new pup is helping me.

Stuff what other people say. It's your dog, your house and your rules. It isn't a crime to be caring and loving to animals or people.

I love my little Storm very much. People tell me I'm treating him like a baby coz I carry him around but he hasn't had his second injection yet so I cannot let him walk in case he gets ill. I have spent loads on toys for him and just can't help the overwhelming love I feel for him.
I don't give a monkey's what anyone else says, He is my baby he is only 8 weeks old and very much a mummy's boy.

Yes, I was so sad when I read about your 7 month old puppy, kid. I'm glad you found the right new puppy for you in the end and that he is helping with what must have been a terrible loss.

We did push her out in the dolls pram, but in my defence, that was before she'd had all her vaccinations!

Are you going to tell me you are bottle feeding her too?pmsl
if pushing her in a pram stopped her getting I'll, there is nothing wrong with that, but it must have been funny to see

I do love my new puppy, but he is not moby who I still miss and want.
The trouble is, our new pup teddy is teething and isn't trained. When I compare him to moby who was extremely well trained and had stopping nipping us, I miss him all the more.
Teddy is starting puppy classes next week and he won't teething forever, plus he is gorgeous so I know I'll be fine with him. I do love him already, but I'm not obsessed with him, not yet anyway!

I am utterly obsessed with Rupert, he's ten months old and he is my baby. Even dh is in love with him.

My dc are 13 and &12 now and it's lovely having someone to fuss over again.

FellatioNelson told me I've got pfd syndrome and she's right.

I think someone once said that you're not whole until you've loved a dog. I think they are right :o

now thats a good idea musicposy maybe I should try that instead of carrying him? lol I'm glad that I'm not the only one who is totally in love and obsessed with their puppy. I think all our puppies are really lucky to be loved soo much.

I briefly worried that I loved my dog too much when he was about six months. But in time he revealed his own particular way of being a bastard (all dogs have at least one) and my emotions got in balance again. Still love him dearly though.

Here she is in the pram! Tell me if the link works!

I know all puppies are gorgeous but I'm sure you'll agree she is really rather lovely!

Lol, Eleison, Poppy can be hard work too! (Particularly that every pencil and bamboo knitting needle in the house is quite obviously a stick, and absolutely anything left remotely in her reach is put there to chew!) But her faults little foibles are easily overlooked.

kid I know you will always miss Moby and be sad about it . My parent's dog died about a year back and we all still miss him so much - and we had the consolation of knowing he was an old dog. They have another dog and he has helped, but it hasn't stopped all of us missing their old dog, who the children grew up with. I understand about the training from scratch thing, too. But it sounds like Teddy will get there!

"FellatioNelson told me I've got pfd syndrome and she's right." Alouiseg, I think I have that too! My DDs are 14 and 11 so it's rather nice to be able to fuss again!

She is gorgeous Posy.

aaaaaw how sweet, how did you get her to stay in it??