Is it possible to love a dog too much?

[musicposy]

Please be honest with me, I can take it (I think!) .

2010 has been a crap year. I was due to have a baby in October but lost it at the end of the first trimester. I was terribly depressed and just couldn't get over it. DH talked to occ health at work because he was struggling too and they suggested getting a puppy!

As it happened a friend of my brothers had a pregnant bitch at the time. Once the puppies were born we chose one and went round to visit her every week. At 8 weeks we took her home. She is a bit of a heinz 57 but mostly a JRT/ spaniel cross.

She is now 4 months and I absolutely adore her, I can't tell you how much. I'm so much happier and coping much better than I ever thought I would with the fact that the birth would have been fairly imminent.

I take her with me whenever I can, and I work from home so am not away from her much. She is always at my feet or beside me. I'm relaxing with DD in her room right now and puppy is laying on her bed beside me.

I think her training is coming on beautifully for a 4 month old dog. She is very motivated by her stomach so I've done everything by reward. She sits and lies down on command, will wait for permission to eat her food, obeys "stay", was house trained very quickly (the odd accident now and then, but very few and far between), is reliable off the lead and has excellent recall (as long as she doesn't see a cat, which I still need to work on!).

But, I'm coming in for a lot of critisism from friends and family who are saying I'm too soft and need to start some "proper training" before it's too late. I do let her on the furniture and she sleeps on our bed and I think this is what is causing the critisism. She still has a tendency to jump up at newcomers, too. We are asking visitors to ignore her when she does this and it is improving, but I think some extended family members would like to see her told off for it. We had a party Monday and she licked someone's plate - she wouldn't normally do that with us but it was a very different situation for her. But it did draw a lot of critisism from friends!

She can feel the cold so I am making her a little dog coat, and have bought her some nice accessories and toys. DH said the other day when I was enthusing about this, "she's not a real baby, you know, and I think you should stop treating her like one".

I know she isn't a real baby, of course. I'm well aware she is a pet. But she has undoubtedly helped fill a void in my life. I will always love my daughters and my family first and foremost, that goes without saying. But do you think it is wrong to adore this puppy so much? Will it make the puppy too dependent on me? Should I toughen up and not let her on furniture etc?

I know there a few dog experts out there and I'd value your opinions.

She is utterly utterly adorable and scrumptious.

You absolutely cannot love a dog too much, it's impossible. However, what you can do is allow a dog to become unmanagable and unruly because you love it too much, but that doesn't sound like what is happening here.

I do think it's important to always remind ourselves that dogs are dogs and do like very clear boundaries and 'rules', but it's just not possible to give them too much love and attention.

You are right re: ignoring the jumping up. If you tell him off for doing it, you are therefore giving the pup attention, so it will actually encourage him to jump up more. Ignoring and then rewarding with attention the second his bottom hits the ground is the way to go.

I am sorry you lost your baby, but happy you have your puppy, it sounds like you adore him, what a lucky pup!

She is gorgeous!! :)

Sorry to hear about your baby.

Don't let the comments get to you, I'm sure you know the difference between a baby and the puppy, for a start you wouldn't attempt to clicker train a baby??!!

Enjoy your pup, although you may feel a little less loving in a few months when she's going through adolescence

She will always love you no matter what, am that you can have her with you whilst at work, wish I could take mine to work with me :)

What an absolute gorgeous dog!

Agree with everyone else, you are doing everything right. My Daphne sleeps on the sofa, and on the bed when DH is not home. She waits for him to leave in the morning then jumps up and snuggles in.

And I have a slight collar and lead obsession. Got to have her matching my outfits after all. :)

She also wears a coat in the winter as she feels the cold. She had it on yesterday as we were out in an open topped car and she was freezing.

Ignore your family and enjoy your darling pfd.

Another pfd owner here.

Getting a dog has been great for me. It gets me out into the park every day come rain or shine. I do think that I am now fitter than I was before. Then when we are tired, we can crash out together for some cuddling time. I am also not going to have any more children, and much as my 10 and 7 year olds still like cuddles they also want to go and do their own thing. Patch always wants a hug and a stroke.

FWIW my DH and I were very strict in the early year with our pooch and ended up much happier later when she made her way into the bed, all 70 pounds of her. I was traveling weekly for school and came home one weekend to find she'd taken over my side--she was happy, my DH was happy and I squeezed in.

The only place we've remained extremely rigid in her training is around children. We're still trying on that front ourselves, but she's been pulled on, sat on, chewed on by every baby and toddler we know. She's been the first "good" dog experience for many of our friend's kids, and we know this supervision and emphasis on her calmness around kids will pay off when we are lucky enough to have one of our own.

The only training advice I would (humbly) offer is to consider what behaviors you want the dog to have "in company" as their rules need to be consistent. For us this meant, she's allowed on our bed, but no other furniture in the house (MIL very allergic, maybe I should reconsider ); she gets food only in her dish (even treats) which keeps her from begging and snatching "treats" from young kids. Whatever training method you stick to it just has to be consistent.

Over the Pond, please don't let your dog be "trained" in being manhandled by babies and toddlers. It isn't fair on ANY dog, no matter how good their temperament. Children should be brought up to understand how to behave around animals - of course toddlers are going to want to pull, poke and chew, but it's the job of the parent/responsible adult to ensure they don't. This is for the safety of the dog and the child - not every dog a child encounters will be (or frankly, should be) as calm as yours - this is doing the child no favours in the long run. Bluntly, I also think it is cruel and provocative to encourage children to sit on, poke and harass a dog. You are asking for trouble.