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Telly addicts

Wednesday night, sending your child, aged 8 to boarding school, do tell me about it as i won't be able to watch!!!

582 replies

piratecat · 09/02/2010 22:39

I couldn't even watch the trailer for it without wanting to weep!

OP posts:
Lighteningbugs · 12/02/2010 11:35

I think you and your family start to tell a story about how you were fine. If boarding is brought up they would say "Oh lightening was a boarder and she loved it didn't you darling" and you say "yes" not because you did but because you know no one would hear you anyway, you would be shut out again and seen as weak.

PardonMyClench · 12/02/2010 11:46

The term 'mumsnet militia' serves to undermine us all. To lump our diverse opinions and experiences together as write us off as parenting extremists is offensive. the media are tumbling offer themselves to court Mumsnet favour and survey our views yet make us sound like a bunch of hard-line fascist neurotics. Hate to get all feminist about this but I wonder if this is because Mumsnet has influence as a community of opinionated ( mainly) women.

Lighteningbugs · 12/02/2010 11:49

Pardon I think you have hit the nail on the head there.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 12/02/2010 11:50

i think it's just journalistic shorthand, tbh, not particularly original, but there you go. that para is all filler in any case, if you look she doesn't actually say anything of meaning.

GetOrfMoiLand · 12/02/2010 12:02

I agree with Expat, Aitch, Dr Northerner and Cirhhosis (and others) on this matter.

I really do not understand this at all. Why send your hildren away? I don't agree either that boarding at 13 is good either. In my experience teens need their parents just as much when they are teens as they do when they are small children.

There are no really convincing excuses/jusrtifications on this thread for boarding your kids out. Children belong at home with their parents.

It doesn't matter if people work FT/have nannies. I know that if my dd wakes up in the middle of the night and needs a cuddle, she is right next to me, not 200 miles away in a dormitory.

I have many friends who were raised as army children and moved around all over the world with their parents. However their father was in the ranks. Can someone confirm if boarding fees being paid is restriced to officers children only? I suspect that class is an issue.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 12/02/2010 12:13

I haven't watched all of this yet - Channel4OD crashed part way through - but I can see the different sides in this debate.

When dh was thinking about applying for a new job a couple of years ago, the single biggest factor in the decision was the fact that, if he got it, the children would have to move to new schools and leave all their friends behind. This was a major decision for us, and a big upheaval for them, and we were lucky that we were able to do it with the least possible disruption to their educations - although ds1 did go back a year (we moved to Scotland, and he would have had to catch up two full terms of course work on a very different curriculum). As a child, I hated having to go to new schools where I knew nobody, and I can understand the rationale that boarding school gives the children a stable education.

But I also agree that 8 years old is far too young for this, and I suspect that moving schools is less disruptive educationally (though not socially) before senior school than afterwards, so if I were in that situation, I would consider boarding school at senior school age, but not before.

But mum72's post is also very compelling and makes some good points. When the Glasgow job came up, dh did consider getting a flat in glasgow, and commuting weekly, so that the dses and I could stay put, but we decided that it would put too much of a strain on the family as a whole - and clearly mum72 found that this was the case when they tried unaccompanied postings. Clearly boarding school was the right choice for her children - and I do believe that she isn't deluding either herself or us when she says that they are happy there.

Bottom line, I guess, every family is different, and what suits one family well would be hell for another, and all that any of us, as parents, can do is our best.

hf128219 · 12/02/2010 12:26

GOML - Boarding school allowance is avaiable to all ranks - it is not obvious from the programme?

GetOrfMoiLand · 12/02/2010 12:29

lol hf

hf128219 · 12/02/2010 12:37

Ho ho!!! No tattoos in the Cavalry!

PlumBumMum · 12/02/2010 12:37

I have to go do the school run so have only read as far as this morning

Loads of things made me feel sick about last night and I'm trying to understand some peoples reasons for sending their children away
BUT
to watch Aprils mother say she had a void in her life to fill, I just wanted to scream when you have children you shouldn't have a void in your life (aahhhhhhh)

as someone else said if I really couldn't stand to be away from my dh I would Home Ed, she could use all her knowledge gained from the pub quiz

And OMG If a little girl I hardly knew was desperately hugging me I think I would squeezed the life out of her back

waitingforglasto · 12/02/2010 12:38

Really hf? and yet tattoos have been hiostorically so popular with the royals...

whitemonkey · 12/02/2010 12:38

Did anyone find it strange that none of the children seemed to speak of missing their fathers, it was only mummy they missed. I found that quite sad.
It seems as though the fathers were more detatched from their children anyway so maybe thats why they found the decision to send them easy.
I think that the comment about a good education is right, i'm sure they will have a brilliant education. BUT i didnt give birth to my children will the sole purpose of giving them a great education, I had them to bring them up and love them. Maybe that makes me selfish???

Lighteningbugs · 12/02/2010 12:41

sanfairy the sad thing is the kids in the program feel the same way. At the end April says "Parents send them to boarding school because .. well i don't know why"

MarshaBrady · 12/02/2010 12:42

I only missed my mother, my father was at work most of the time to pay for four children's boarding fees. Well I missed home, really.

piratecat · 12/02/2010 12:44

glad i didn't watch afterall. thought i 'should' but chickened out.

OP posts:
Lighteningbugs · 12/02/2010 12:45

sorry for my irrelevant post i was reading wrong page.

FanjolinaJolie · 12/02/2010 12:48

"Can someone confirm if boarding fees being paid is restriced to officers children only? I suspect that class is an issue."

Er, no. Class has nothing to do with it. It's down to the family to make the best decision for them and their children. Boarding allowance is available to both officers and all ranks.

MarshaBrady · 12/02/2010 12:50

So hf is there a tendency for the ones who see it as a perk/bargain to use it? (and the ones that are very wealthy not to). Or does mostly everyone go for it?

hf128219 · 12/02/2010 12:50

There used to be rules on the tattoos.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 12/02/2010 12:51

I'm not sure it is fair to criticise Lotty's mum for not immediately giving April a big hug. Don't forget, she had only seen April once before, when dropping off Lotty on her first day (when she might be forgiven for not really getting to know the other girls in the dorm) and she would have had no idea that April had been so homesick in the preceeding days!!

Also, when it was her first visit to her daughter at boarding school, I think she could be forgiven for focussing on her.

fembear · 12/02/2010 12:51

"Bottom line, I guess, every family is different, and what suits one family well would be hell for another, and all that any of us, as parents, can do is our best."

Well said, and you can extend that to what (eg boarding) suits one child may not suit another child within the same family.

I'm a bit pissed off with some of the holier-than-thou attitudes shown on here: I'm not impressed with those who wear their kid's inability to function without their helicopter mother as a badge of honour. I always felt sorry for those kids who missed out on sleepovers, Guide camp etc because they couldn't bear to be away from home.

emkana · 12/02/2010 12:54

erm.... my dd loves sleepovers, brownie camp etc still doesn't mean she would be happy to be away from me all the time, nor does it make me a helicopter mother if I want to be with her every day (apart from sleepovers etc see above)

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 12/02/2010 13:06

lol fembear. how many children did you know who couldn't bear to go on a single sleepover?

hf128219 · 12/02/2010 13:06

MB - everyone would use Boarding School allowance regardless of wealth.

The rules are quite strict as that you have to move with your spouse to every posting and live in a married quarter. You cannot claim it and live in your own house.

There have been cases where people have been found out trying to 'cheat the system' by taking a quarter somewhere but their wife living elsewhere in their own home. These people are having to pay back thousands of pounds. I know of someone who is having to pay back over £100K.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 12/02/2010 13:09

I haven't read any holier than thou stuff on here. I've read lots of people agreeing that the most basic responsibility that you sign up to when you choose to have a child is to bring them up within the family. That does not make anyone holier than thou or a helicopter parent - in what kind of warped world would it?!?

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