Wednesday night, sending your child, aged 8 to boarding school, do tell me about it as i won't be able to watch!!!

[piratecat]

I couldn't even watch the trailer for it without wanting to weep!

Sorry to late to read all this thread but will try to tomorrow. I watched it and shed a tear. The girls they focussed on were from military families. Wonder if that means that the fees were paid by the forces. Sorry if I've missed this point.

I felt very sorry for some of the girls and think being away from their parents will affect them for the rest of their lives. They will get a good education and speak properly etc but......................

It's too young IMO. A very knowledgable child counsellor told me that the age of 8 is crutial to a childs development. A bad teacher can knock confidence for some years to come. I had this with DD and it's 7 years on and hopefully it's now resolved. Imagine what all that home sickness, crying, and turmoil can do.

It just reminded me of how terribly homesick I was when I went away on school trips, or on the odd orchestra course. There is no way I would have coped with boarding school. For a start, being kept "busy" at all times would have added fuel to the homesickness fire. The only thing that used to help me was having time to be by myself.

What about weekly boarding do that thy get every weekend with their parents? I know it is a bit of a drive but surely that would be better than this? Sunday night to Friday afternoons at school, then a lovely wekend with your parents must be nicer for the child than, 'see you at half term'?

I am so angry at the parents and sad for the children, I am sorry, DH is not here and I am probably over-reacting, I will put myself to bed before I go and break the kids out f the local boarding schools and cuddle them to death

Were the Weasleys the Geordie couple or are you on about Harry Potter??

The twins were strange, one was ok, the other distraught, what was all that about??

Plus the parents (surely the father was an Army bod, was he not?) seemed to find it odd that their offspring were suddenly talking without a regional accent.....never mind, the terrible homesickness.

It was trying to say that the children got used to it eventually. They didn't have a choice not to really.

DD had read all the Harry Potter etc and I asked her a few years ago if she has a boarding school fantasy. She said 'no it must be awful'. However I did, I used to wish I could do it. Wonder what that says. Just skim read and laughed and empathised at the poster engrossed in Enid Blyton and Malory Towers.

the weaselys

Agreed abouteve - they developed coping mechanisms, that's all. Of course they did, children are resilient creatures. But having to develop coping mechanisms at the age of 8 can't be a good thing surely.

I got you, notanotter

Just watched this on +1 - I just could not do this. DD2 woke up with a bad dream in the middle of it and I went up to her (DH is in bed ill), gave her a cuddle, took her for a wee and put her back to bed. OK, she's only 4, but who hears these children if they cry in the night? I could not imagine my children weeping and not having DH or I there to comfort them.

When Lottie's mother arrived and April was hugging her, i thought April already knew her so was pleased to see her. It was devastating to realise that the little girl did not know her at all really, and was just desperate for a mother-figure to cuddle.

I know a few adults who were military children, and they all moved around with their father's postings. They all preferred it to being sent away to school (at least until they were well into their teens).

Lottie was horrid when April was having one of her weepy moments (for God's sake child get your shit together!!) I think that encapsulated a very typical boarding school moment. I did think it was interesting at the end when April seemed to grow in confidence and her and Lottie had bonded - it was only then that Lottie, tugging at her pony-tail, pulling it over her face etc. actually admitted that she's missed her mother - it was a complete role reversal and you saw the "brattish" Lottie was actually as affected by the whole experience as the "weepy" April.

My children board and have done since 8.

We are Forces family. 6 moves in 9 years and soon to be 7 moves in 3 weeks time.

We had our own house off base years ago choosing not to live the Forces Life. In that time we chose to do married unaccompanied for 3 years. That means I stayed at home and my husband went away to his new base(s) and came home when he could. Forces life is not Monday to Friday nor 9 to 5. Add ontop of his usual shifts, excercises and deployments and other camp duties, the courses they HAVE to attend etc and the first year we did unaccompanied we spent 61 days together. The following year we spent 72 days as a family (believe me - you get to a certain point where you start counting the days). By year 3 our marriage was in crisis and we decided to make one last attempt at it. We sold up and moved into married quarters and decided we would move as a family.

Both children had 4 schools between 4 and 7. Actually my youngest had 5 if you count the first 4 weeks in reception before we moved. We were posted to one place where we didnt even get our new address until 6 days before the move. Without knowing which MQ estate we would be living on I could not apply for schools for my kids. When I finally got our address the base school and neighbouring schools were full. My 5yo had to go school 3 miles in one direction and my 7yo in another school 5 miles in the other direction. My husband was away for months and family 300 miles away. I knew NO ONE so had to deal with this on my own. My youngest was late for school EVERY single day for the full 8 months we lived there as I took my 7yo to school first. We eventually tried to appeal but the appeal had not even been heard when we were posted on.

I never planned on boarding my kids. It was the hardest choice of my life. Yes most Forces families move house every 18months(sometimes less or more) or so with little or few issues or problems with their kids. Infact the lifestyle can help produce the most outgoing nd gregarious personalities because of their ability to deal with new situations.

Several incidents with my eldest child triggerd me to look into the boarding option - one being her crying on her bedroom floor sobbing and sobbing and sobbing upon being told we were posted again. She lay their and sobbed, begged and wailed to not to have to leave her BF Saffy behind. Bedwetting followed, night terrors, sleepwalking and a complete detatchment from her friends at school before we even moved. She then came home one day and said X at school was off to boarding school so they would not have to break friends every time and she wanted to think about boarding too.

We looked into it and upon that posting she went to boarding school aged 8. She settled well and has never looked back. She is now 11 and although she has another 2 years left at her school before she moves to senior school we have recently discussed options etc and she is adament she wishes to continue to board. If I am honest - I was secretly hoping she would opt for a local day option. But this is not about me.

My youngest, well I intended to hold onto for as long as possible. Very different child to her older sister. One who loves being centre of attention so being the new girl at a new schools always went down well with her. However, she too asked to board having seen what her sister got upto at school. We always had to drag her home when we took my eldest back on a Sunday. So she went on a trial last time we were posted (more so because I was too scared and reluctant to let her go permanently). The trial is now in its 3rd term and she is still there because she WANTS to be! Believe me - I have made it loud an clear to both of my kids that if they want to go to local day school - they can. Its not an issue at all.

I see them Wednesdays for matches and tea afterwards. I also sometimes take a friend along or two whose parents may be in Cyprus,Holland or Germany. They come home most weekends atm. Although sometimes not.

We currently live 2 hours from the school and when we move in a few weeks it will be nearer 3 hours away. However, as I am a sad individual (obviously evil and sick it would seem) I am currently unemployed. So I am like the lady on the TV except I dont even do the pub quiz or have a dog! I have not been able to get a job since we have lived here and tbh - at the moment I dont want one! Yep I have a massive void in my life and I miss my children terribly but not working atm means I can drive upto see them pretty much whenever I want. I manage to attend all their matches, plays, concerts and sometimes just go for no other reason than to just see them. I realise once I get a job this wont be so easy - so atm I dont want to work just for that reason. I count myself lucky that even when we move 3 hours away it is still doable in a day and am thankful we have not been posted back to Ireland, back upto Scotland or overseas yet.

I watched that proramme tonite and cried. But I still am sure that for my children for now I am doing whats best. They are happy. I KNOW they are happy because of the time I spend with them and their GENUINE enthusiasm about school, listening to their chats with school friends and their whole demeanor and giggling and laughter. Yes they have bad days - like we all do. I have had ONE lot of tears from my DD and it was more to do with an nasty accident she inflicted (accidently) on her poor BF with her hockey stick!

Oh and for the record - Not all boarding schools are private. There are State BS as well. www.sbsa.org.uk/index.php

Mum72 - thanks for contributing to this thread. I don't think anyone would disagree that you have had to make some tough choices. I suppose it boils down to what we want out of life and how we imagine that life to be once we have children. I for one have never planned anything so am a complete polar opposite to anyone who has decided to marry into the forces. I guess, when you decide to take on that role as a forces wife you have to accept absence from the ones you love as a given. "Distance" is a word that you must be very familiar with both emotionally and physically.

There is no doubt that all those women loved those children. BUT they made a choice to "outsource" the childcare bit and parcel it in with their education. This must not come as any surprise - what else was going to happen when you had children? And I hope that doesn't sound heartless it is just an observation. I guess you fall in love with who you fall in love with - I am fortunate in that I haven't had to make the choices you have had to make. But then I don't think I would have accepted being with someone who's livelihood required those sacrifices of me.

Did I ever think my life would be like this??

No way! I do wake at 2am (when I sleep) and think OMG - my kids are at BS what the hell???

But then look at our current options. My husband may come out of the Forces in a few years and then I will have my children back hopefully.

I have learnt not to judge so much now - but I am only human and even I was OMG that poor April - please change your mind and take her home. If you had told me 5 years ago both my children would be in BS - I would really not have believed it.

I am not shocked by the reactions on this thread. That programme has harrowing to watch. I also get abuse quite alot for our choice. Some members of my own family only speak to me to call me a child abuser. We had malicious phonecalls and even letters in one place we lived.

I expect when I step out the door tomorrow the finger pointing an filthy looks will come my way too! BUT - I still believe that right now we are doing what is best. I still KNOW my children are happy. The minute that ever changes they will be back home.

Has anyone in a military family actually given up a career in the services for the sake of family stability?
It seems that many people in the services who are in this predicament are educated and hihgly skilled whose skills would transfer to the civilian workforce .
Many mothers give up their jobs for the sake of family and I am planning to give up a career because it is highly disruptive on my family.
It seems to me that a life in the services is tough in many ways on the family as a whole. To me the choice of sending my children away to be brought in what is essentially an institution, against changing my career is a straight forward one to make.

Mousehole,

I was so naive (sp?) when I met my DH. Had no idea really what Forces Life would be like.

I knew there would be periods of seperation etc but even so - didnt realise how hard it would be at times and certainly did not have an inkling on what it would mean for any kids we had.

Anyway - should be off to bed now as I am driving down to school tomorrow to bring my lovely cherubs home for half term. Cannot wait.

no doubt that you took some tough decisions, mum72, but i'm with pardonmyclench, i think if something's got to give, it should be the job.

It does make me think, if forces life sometimes makes boarding school at this age the best option available for children, should we as a country start thinking about NOT having a standing army/other forces?

Mum72 - I appreciate it was a very difficult post and you were very brave to post it but it chilled me to the bone. Regardless of dh/job whatever I could never give up my children in the way you have. You post about seeing them at weekends but not every weekend. Never could I for any reason do this.

Oh no sorry you see them on wednesdays for tea.

I think people are getting too caught up in the military aspect - plenty of people send their children to boarding school for other reasons.

I don't want to get too defensive about this but I went to boarding school just after I turned 9yrs, and I'm not emotionally scarred, distant from my parents, coldhearted or any other generalisations that have been made. And this was at a time when I didn't see my parents from one school holiday to the next and the only contact was by letter writing.

rocinante - how can not seeing yourparents for such long time periods be okay in anyones world?

I'm not promoting it, I'm just saying there are circumstances which may prevail that mean that it happens and it doesn't always leave an indelible mark on an individual.