Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Telly addicts

Wednesday night, sending your child, aged 8 to boarding school, do tell me about it as i won't be able to watch!!!

582 replies

piratecat · 09/02/2010 22:39

I couldn't even watch the trailer for it without wanting to weep!

OP posts:
herbietea · 11/02/2010 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FanjolinaJolie · 11/02/2010 22:06

"McDreamy, like others said, why can't the mother stay somewhere with the dcs and the father comes home when he can? That would give the dcs stability they need."

That option means the children can go to the local school and live with mum, but lose daily contact with their dad. Some families would really struggle with this.

PDR · 11/02/2010 22:06

I went at 10 and I loved it.

I spoke to my parents whenever I wanted and didn't really miss home at all (only child)

IlanaK · 11/02/2010 22:06

I found that so hard to watch. My eldest ds is 8 and a half and there is no way I could send him away.

Dh went to boarding school as his parents lived in Nigeria teaching the british children of families working for a big UK company. Dh and his sister were taught by their parents until they were secondary age and then went to boarding school.

We have friends who are military. They all mover around together for postings (except a recent one to Afghanistan), but she has chosen to home school the children so they can all stay together. There are choices, though I am sure none of them are easy (like being away from a husband for long periods of time), but I am sure that sending the children away is not the best choice for anyone.

roary · 11/02/2010 22:07

Growing up = great
Learning that you can stand on your own two feet without your parents = also great

Doing it at 8 = impossible. You learn neither of these things at all. You learn to cope without your parents by trusting that they are there to love you. Yes, some people are forced to detach early but this should not be a social norm.

FanjolinaJolie · 11/02/2010 22:07

MollieO - the twins dad is army too.

choufleur · 11/02/2010 22:07

I've just been to check on DS asleep and given him a kiss. how can you not do that every night.

8 is just too young to be away from home. don't really care what the rationale is.

LetThereBeRock · 11/02/2010 22:07

Why can't we condemn other cultures? I think we should. I think we owe it to people when bad practices are being excused with 'it's part of their culture'.

A lot of harm would and will continue to be done if we ignore the wrongs inherent in many cultures including our own.

Respecting other's culture is not and should never be an excuse for allowing harm to be done to our fellow human beings.

I'm not just thinking of boarding school in this regard. There are so many issues that are often ignored, not even discussed because people excuse it as part of someone's culture.

Not so long ago it was the norm to turn a blind eye to domestic abuse and the abuse of children. I think it's a marvellous thing for everyone that we can discuss and condone and condemn such wrongs though there's still a lot of work to do.

loungelizard · 11/02/2010 22:08

Well basically they have 'broken' the child so they are emotionally detached and then they will survive and have a fab time etc etc. and, as someone else said, learn to 'rule the world' (and talk in that irritating accent). Bravo.

herbietea · 11/02/2010 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MollieO · 11/02/2010 22:10

Fanjolina what is worse - going to boarding school and losing contact with both your parents or staying at home and losing contact with one?

FanjolinaJolie · 11/02/2010 22:11

herbietea 4 times in 16 years is very lucky indeed.

We've moved six times in nine years (so far)

LetThereBeRock · 11/02/2010 22:11

Why is it better to lose daily contact with both parents?

I can understand your concerns re school but two years while less than ideal isn't that bad imho,not when compared to the effects of being away from one's family, and imho teens need their family as much as a young child.

McDreamy · 11/02/2010 22:12

Wow herbie how have you managed that? We have moved 4 times in 6 years! This is DD's 3rd school and she's only in Y2. That's the way it goes I guess. At our last posting there was a family who had been in the same quarter for 9 years - is that a record?

TheBolter · 11/02/2010 22:12

lol loungelizard

It's all so bloody wrong. Anyone who claims it's best for their child is either deluded or conveniently fooling themselves.

pointydog · 11/02/2010 22:14

Looked like there are only two kind options. Either let your children live with you or cut yourself off from them cleanly.

Sending them away and then talking to them every night and seeing them lots of weekends does n't seem to work.

fishie · 11/02/2010 22:14

i didn't watch it, cannot bear that sort of exploitative tv. what were they thinking of, not only sending children away but then putting them on bloody telly for the whole country to pity.

lovely for the programme makers of course and channel 4

brimfull · 11/02/2010 22:15

LetThereBeRock -great post

nancy75 · 11/02/2010 22:15

just sat down to watch this on 4+1, i'm shouting at the tv already. the last girl is going because the dad went to boarding school and wants his kids to go too? im my house the dad would have been told to fuck off and the child would be staying at home with me. i don't think changing schools is nearly as bad as your parents sending you away at 8 years old.

roary · 11/02/2010 22:16

Again, there are plenty of other militaries that seem to have solutions to this problem that do not involve sending 8 year olds away from home so a military spouse will sit around all day and be there to entertain his/her partner and the children will be under someone else's care. Changing schools all the time in high school is a problem and I think that's different. But 8?? Seriously?? There's no better solution? If there weren't a long history of child boarding in this country I don't think you'd see this at all, I just don't think it would be acceptable to send a child of that age away.

I have officially put on my Judging Hat. I do also have on a Sympathy Hat because I think military family life is extraordinarily hard in every imaginable way. But again, surely there is a better solution.

pointydog · 11/02/2010 22:16

And worst of all, send your kid away and show them on national tv being all miserable while you sit onyl 30 miles away wringing your hands.

That was perhaps the poorest choice of all.

bratnav · 11/02/2010 22:18

OMG, in bits watching this already

My DD1 is a year younger than this and due to circumstances is at her 3rd school, but I would rather move her annually than give her up

LetThereBeRock · 11/02/2010 22:18

That should be not continue to condone but condemn but my fingers were going faster than my brain.

I've posted this before, a quote from a boarding school website but I do find the way they speak of children, as though they're nothing more than an inconvenience and an irritation, very disturbing.

''At home these days often both parents work. It is even more difficult if you are a single parent family.
It is human nature to get tired. Running a job, running a house, buying the groceries, washing the clothes, supervising homework, and still having the energy to play with them and take them on trips so every waking hour of every day is packed full of enjoyment and learning?'

'Ensure they get washed, toe nails cut, hair done nicely, home projects for school completed ~ and a nice relaxing bed time story???? To achieve all this nowadays you have to be superman or superwomen!!'

'A recent study showed that paying the extra to board your child rather than send them as a day pupil is money well spent and can in fact save you money overall. Parents often forget just what it costs to keep and bring up a child these days. Boarding is a very sensible option. How many parents find they often become a glorified taxi driver for their children?'

Docbunches · 11/02/2010 22:19

One very poignant moment for me was when the only nice member of staff (the nurse? that April had become very attached to) said that she was sent to board from age 9-18 and used to ring her parents every night and beg them to come and get her . I had the feeling she hadn't got over that.

McDreamy · 11/02/2010 22:20

Trouble is moving schools every 2 years means you get whatever school has got room for your DCs and that's not always the local one and can sometimes be not so good schools. Unfortunately I do not have the skills to home educate.