Anyone else listening to the Observer podcast Foundling and wanting to discuss?

[DorsetCafes]

Not telly but I don’t know which category it belongs to!

This is about an Observer investigative podcast called Foundling - I am desperate to discuss it with someone!! Has anyone else listened to it yet?

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/foundling-tortoise-investigates/id1590561275?i=1000755703771

Thanks for posting this. I’m on episode 3 now. Shocking story.

Just starting E4.
I know it’s a very complex and upsetting situation but I have to admit I’m finding Jess a bit of a dislikable character and I’m not sure why. I’m getting the feeling she’s after drama, not answers. I feel bad saying that and will keep listening!

My thought also @BruisedNeckMeat

Incredible podcast. I'm going to be thinking about this for months.

I just wanted to stick up for Jess a bit though!

My own mother was a foundling. I did all of the research to track down her bio mum, but when it came down to it my mum didn't want to meet her, ever. It was SO effing frustrating that she didn't want to talk to her and get answers. And she didn't want me to either.

But... I've had to come to terms with the fact that for kids who get abandoned, chasing that bio parent again is just an opportunity to be rejected a second time. It's easier to tell yourself they must be a piece of s* who isn't worth hearing out, because them being a nice person besides what they did to you is simply too painful to imagine.

Did the observer reach out to Jennifer to hear her some of the story? I can’t remember if they did and whether she declined to comment. It’s a great podcast with lots of twists and turns but feels very unfinished as we don’t have Jennifer’s version of events.

The Observer is a newspaper. You can read it free online through your local library

Yes they did but she didn’t want to speak to them. Which I can understand. Partly because of the legal issues around her job but also because she may well think, if I speak to anyone it should be my daughter.

@FriendlyMedusa The difference is though, Jess actually went to great lengths to lengths to track down her mother!

Perhaps I wasn't clear - I arranged the 23andMe and did all the detective work, but it was my mother who had the idea, pressed for all of it and encouraged me to every step of the way. The process took years.

I think my mum just wanted to know it was possible, like Jess. That there is an answer, that this person really exists... But also that you don't have to hear them out or be alright with it. You can take back control by rejecting them right back.

I do wish Jennifer had spoken to the podcast. I thought we were going to find out she was being abused, or the father was a criminal, or something a bit more sympathetic than she just kinda... did that.

@FriendlyMedusa Ah OK, I read it as you having done the research even though she wasn’t that bothered.

I get your point but I think Jess in the programme goes farther than just wanting to know who her mother was. She repeatedly says she wants answers to her questions and also tries to befriend virtually all her other new relations except her mother. While she says that she’s not angry it sounds like she is very very angry and is trying to get revenge on her mother in every way she can think of.

Only up to episode 5 and will hear the conclusion next week but I’m finding Jess to be a desperately unsympathetic character. Why did she fall out with her biological sister? It feels like she’s absolutely living for the drama and this sounds awful but I felt like her tears for poor Chloe felt fake.

I think the biological sister was more sympathetic to their mother and may have had a relationship with her. I kind of understand how jess feels , she's found family but they are not really her family and she probably struggles with the different emotions because she doesn't really know them. We have had secret relatives pop up since the 23 and me thing and you can't force a relationship that really isn't there. I find it crazy that she wants answers but won't go to the source .it's like she wants to destroy her mother in some way

Chloe’s story is just tragic

They didn’t invite her to Chloe’s funeral. That’s pretty brutal.

Yes and no. Although obviously the podcast tried to make connections, Chloe’s death was not all about Jess. I can see why, when trying to deal with that grief, the family didn’t want Jess’s drama. It’s interesting that both families eventually seem to come to that conclusion. She keeps saying she is a warm person but I suspect she was more of a drain than a radiator. There’s only so much anger you can deal with, when you did nothing to want it.

I wish we had Jennifer’s story in more detail.

However unprofessional her working relationship with Chloe was, I do feel it is extremely unfair to apportion blame to her for what happened to Chloe. The Dad in the scenario seems to have been let off pretty much scot free.

Came here to talk about this as more traffic than Radio Addicts! Just finished the last episode. What a tangle of lies and secrets!

I found Jess quite unlikeable in the final episode. Just a bit too much “main character energy” about her biological grandfather’s funeral. Her story is very sad but all those bio family members have every right to not want to engage with her - they neither caused or asked for this situation. But Jess seems to have no empathy towards them.

Also, they just seemed to skip over the fact that “Jennifer” abandoned another baby within a year of having Jess!!! I mean, WTF….Jennifer must have endured some kind of terrible trauma surely to do this TWICE?

@Tootingbec That is the frustrating thing - this podcast promises so much because it’s framed as a quest for answers, and then doesn’t deliver because it turns out Jess is so consumed by anger that she doesn’t really want any. I am not saying the questions from us listeners - eg about the double abandonment - should take priority but I do wonder what the point of the podcast was, given it seems to have upset so many people and not delivered any insight.

I think the dad knew , he doesn't seem genuine to me .

And jess is angry at the wrong person

I feel very sad for everyone having come to the end of the podcast. Jess seems to have unearthed more problems than she could have possibly imaged when she started on this quest. Jennifer has been exposed - if only to her family - as having done some truly extraordinary things that seem beyond anything within the realms of the normal human experience. The family of the birth father have had their entire world torn apart. I feel genuinely sorry for the father actually. He had an affair, yes, but he was very young and had no idea about the pregnancy and what followed. When he later encountered 'Jennifer' he would have only seen her as a former teenage fling . He said he just wanted his daughter to have every possible help she needed. It's hard to see what Jennifer could say to excuse her behaviour actually. Not just the abandonments but her later professional conduct. Truly stunning story. I don't think the podcast makers really owe us any answers, it's just a story in the end. But my goodness, what a lesson in being careful what you go looking for.

It's shown the downside of ancestry dna and 23 and me for sure. When she abandoned the baby she probably thought that's that now, I'll never be found out and the second time she had already gotten away with it once so it'll be fine. I'd like to hear her sisters story and how she feels about all this being made so public

Yes, I believe they did.

I am an adoptee (not a foundling) but everything you say resonates with me.

I had contact with my birth father before he passed away; I know who and where my birth mother is. I have tried contacting her via Facebook Messenger but she has never replied. Her account is set up only to add friends of friends, and my messages must be going into some kind of archive. I really know I'll never take it any further - I can't really explain why. I am satisfied with knowing where and who she is and it's not exactly a fear of rejection. It's hard to put into words.

I did find Jess' forming relationships around the mother a bit odd though.

Managed to hear all of the episodes now and I agree with it being hard to empathise with Jess. As a PP said, Jess does seem to have main character syndrome.

I can quite understand why she was not invited to the funerals, and the podcaster clearly tried to explain it from the families viewpoint.

Jess also seemed to dismiss the other foundlings experience as somehow being less than hers.

Poor Jess has so much anger, I do hope she eventually finds some sort of peace.

It’s not going to be easy to empathise with a person who was abandoned as a baby is it? This is something that is so traumatic to know about yourself.

The podcast is about Jess. She was contacted and agreed to create it, so it’s not surprising that she is coming across as the main character. She IS the main character. Production have given her that role and she’s speaking in that capacity. I don’t think we can deduce anything about what she’s like in real life from that.