Penny Robert's household manual
Before filming starts, each wife writes a manual explaining how their house is run. Below are highlights from Penny's manual.
HOUSEHOLD CHORES
How often do you clean your home?
I clean everyday and I have a no-shoes policy in the house - I don't want dirt being brought in. I have a major clean once or twice a week so I blitz the house on a Monday and Thursday. My friends say my blitz is more like a major spring clean, but I do it weekly. I polish everything. I wipe down all the doors, skirting boards, radiators, kick boards and window frames. I sweep the whole house and move the furniture so that everything is spotless. I clean all surfaces in the kitchen and wipe the fridge out. I hoover the carpets and any cobwebs. I clean the whole bathroom. I change all beds and towels. Cleaning is very important to me as its part of my role as a mother and wife.
Who does the general cleaning around the house?
I do all of the household chores; Martin and the kids don't do anything. I feel that it's a wife's role to look after the family - and that includes cleaning the home they live in.
I would like a bit more help in the home - Martin is lazy. He says he's doing a full-time job and not lazing around sponging off the state, but he uses his work as an excuse to leave things lying around. He'll literally step out of his clothes and leave them lying where they are. I have to pick up after him. He says he leaves his stuff lying around so that he knows where it is - but he's just making a mess. I love Martin to bits, but he's a nightmare when he's being asked to do anything. He does what he wants in his own time, so I have to wait. I normally end up doing everything myself.
WHO DOES THE FOLLOWING, AND HOW OFTEN?
Vacuuming?
I don't vacuum everyday but if I see bits then I hoover them up. I normally hoover 3 times a week. I am very particular and make sure that I move things so that I do a thorough job and get into the corners.
I sweep and mop the tiles in the kitchen everyday - I normally do this in the day when the kids are at school and then again in the evening when the kids have gone to bed. I make sure that the kids never wake up to a messy house. I sweep the laminate floors in the living room everyday. I also sweep the Lino in the conservatory in the day and wipe all the floors with Pledge wipes.
Dusting?
On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I polish with a duster and polish. If people are coming round, I do it more often. I make sure that I get into corners and so the house is free of cobwebs. Martin never dusts or cleans.
Straightening up?
I tidy the whole house every day. My philosophy about mess is "Pick It Up"! But in this house, it's me who does the picking up. I am constantly tidying up after Martin and the kids - and Martin is the untidiest of them all. It's no good asking the kids to do anything - they just moan, and I can't be bothered with the fuss they make.
I tidy the kids' rooms everyday. After the school run, I go upstairs and start on their rooms. I open their windows and curtains. I make their beds (I pull the bed out and make it properly). I make their rooms look tidy and smart which only takes 20 minutes in each room.
Ironing?
I'm terrible at ironing so I don't do it. I don't see the point in ironing, you can look fine without going to all that trouble. We have a tumble dryer and most things don't need ironing. If clothes don't look creased then they don't need ironing - that's my rule.
The only things I iron are the kids' school shirts. My ironing board gets excited when it comes out. I iron the school shirts on Sunday nights. I usually do it in the kitchen and it takes about an hour because there are 15 shirts to do. I really hate doing it and sometimes if I'm running late I persuade Martin to do it.
Cleaning the bathroom?
I'm the only person in the house with any sense of hygiene. I am the only one that flushes the loo. I have to nag the others to do it. I clean the bath, sink and toilet everyday. I keep the cloth for the cleaning under the sink and the toilet cloth by the loo. I probably wipe the toilet seat at least 4 times a day - the men in this house don't lift the seat and they have terrible aim!
When Martin goes to the loo, he blocks it up. He has blocked every toilet he has used and he's really proud of this fact. I have to put the toilet brush down the toilet and unblock it every day. I have to force the kids to get into the bath. I even have to tell Martin to have a shower, otherwise he doesn't bother. He is a pig.
I clean the bathroom everyday. When I do this, I fold all the towels and if the kids have had baths, I get clean towels out. I also wipe the floor and hang the bath mat over the bath. I keep the Spray on the window sill and the cloth is under the sink.
Clothes washing?
I wash everyone's clothes - though Martin occasionally helps me out. I do about 2 or 3 loads of washing a day. The washing machine is constantly on because I like to keep on top of it, which is an impossibility. We have four washing baskets in our house, one in each bedroom, so I always have piles of washing to do.
I tumble dry most of our clothes so they don't need to be ironed. I fold the children's clean clothes and put them on their beds. I would like them to put their own clothes away, butI usually end up doing it myself or it will sit there for days!
On a Friday I change all the bedding and put it all in the wash. I keep the clean sheets in the airing cupboard in Sadie's room.
Cleaning the kitchen?
I like my kitchen surfaces to be kept clear at all times. I'm constantly squirting cleaner over everything and wiping it all down.
The kids and Martin leave plates and cutlery in the sink - and I hate dirty plates lying about, so I tidy up after them. I clean the kitchen every time it's used which includes wiping up the mess that the kids and Martin make. I sweep and mop the floors twice a day.
COOKING / MEALS
How often do you sit down and eat together?
This house runs on food. Martin and the kids are big eaters. My kids are not normal sized - they are big kids! When my kids go round to a friend's house, they come home hungry and they don't have school dinners because the portions are too small. We always try to eat around the table. I believe it's important for families to sit and eat together. I also believe that the kids need a home-cooked meal every day.
Who prepares meals?
I'm responsible for the majority of the cooking - its part of my role as the mother in this house. And in this house, meal-times are hectic.
No matter what I cook, the children moan and say that they don't like it - even if they have eaten it before. We tried bribing them by buying ice-lollies and puddings and telling them that if they ate their dinner, they could have dessert - but that didn't work, they started whining and leaving food - so we gave in and gave them their dessert anyway.
In the week, I put packed lunches together for children and Martin. I set it all out in their lunch boxes the night before and keep them in the fridge overnight.
Does Martin help with dinner?
Martin cooks once a week. He makes a good curry, but it's normally a joint effort.
DAILY ROUTINE
What time do you get up?
On weekdays, I get up at 7:45am. I am the worst person in the world for getting out of bed in the morning. It's because I do so much in the day. Martin says I'm a stress-head in the mornings so he gets up to avoid me.
Martin leaves the house by 7:30am so he gets up at 7am. It doesn't take him long to get ready in the morning - he just gets dressed and leaves for work.
How much time do you need to get ready in the morning?
It takes me next to no time to get myself ready in the morning. I just pull on some clothes, so I'm ready in 5 minutes. I'm a bit of a slob in the mornings, and I'll stay in bed till the last minute - usually about 7:45am. I never wear make-up and I hate the thought of putting cement mix on my face. Make-up is not important- I'm too busy being a mum.
The mornings start brilliantly because the kids get up and get dressed by themselves. Katie gets up at 6am- 7am, and Sadie and Luke are up for 7am. They get their own breakfast - usually cereal.
It's after they've had breakfast that things start to go wrong. I have to scream and shout for them to do things. The kids are glued to the television so I march into the living room and switch off the TV. The kids will shout and moan, but it's the only way to get them to move. I have to force them upstairs to brush their teeth and wash their faces. If I don't supervise them, they won't do it. Luke is foul. If I left him to it, he would keep the same clothes on for a week. I have to check to make sure he isn't wearing the same underpants. Last week he wore the same pair for 4 days running.
I make sure that their lunch boxes and school books are in their bags and we leave for the school run by 8:15. I drive them to school every day. By the time we're out of the house, we're all normally friends again. We chat in the car, and have a laugh and a joke. We have a good sense of fun in this house. I drive Luke to school and drop him off at the school gate for 8:40. Then I take the girls to their school and they start at 9am. I make sure that I see them right to their classrooms. I give them a kiss and cuddle and tell them I love them.
I sometimes have meet up for coffee with some other mums after I drop the girls off. It all depends on what state the house is in. Usually people pop round during the week. My mother-in-law might come over or I might go to one of my friend's houses - Lynne or Maxine - for a coffee and a chat. These are all spontaneous visits - nothing is set in stone. If things need to be done in the house, I won't go out. I feel guilty if things aren't done.
What time do you go to bed?
I am so busy in the evenings sorting out the kids and Martin that I don't get to bed until 1am.
CHILDCARE / DISCIPLINE
Who does the childcare? What does it involve?
I am the mum and it is my job to bring up my children, it's what a mother should do. I think its important that I'm there for my kids. I used to work, and one day I came home and had a row with Sadie. It was awful, she was so angry that she spat on the floor. I realised that I was losing my relationship with the children. I went part-time straight away and gave up work soon after.
I'm the person who cares for my children; even now I don't like leaving them with babysitters. It was worse when I was a single mum, when I had to leave them with babysitters it tore me apart. I would worry about them all the time.
I'm instinctively maternal and I'm very mumsy. Because I'm at home, we have a strong routine and I think that's important in my children's lives. Without routine, children don't feel safe.
From 3.30pm till bedtime, I am there for my kids. I devote this 5 hour period totally to the family. I think they deserve my time when they come home, they're at school all day, and if you can't be there for your kids, thats sad. By the time they get home I'll have done all the tidying and washing up, all I have to do is cook their tea. They'd never let me do the cleaning anyway, because they want all my attention. My kids are demanding and assertive! In particular, Sadie can be very bossy, she thinks she's the mum and will boss everyone around, including me!
I'm my kids' best friend as well as their mother. They tell me when they're having difficulties at school, and they know that I'll fight tooth and nail for them. Sadie sometimes has problems at school with other kids, and I'll go up and sort it out with the teachers. I'm touchy about Sadie's weight. I don't want her to grow up thinking that she's too big. As long as she is healthy, I don't care how big she is.
How do you discipline the children?
Disciplining the kids is a nightmare. I find disciplining the kids difficult - I guess I'm soft with them really. Its part of my being so maternal, they know if they keep going I will back down. They both scream and stamp their feet until they get their own way, or they laugh at me. It's getting out of hand. They just take no notice. Luke is the best at realising that he's stepped out of line, but the girls will just push it until I back down - and I will. My kids are really different from each other, but they are all achievers. They do well at school, and they're all bright, assertive and demanding - which means that they can be difficult. I like it that my kids can speak their minds- they are free spirits.
Katie can have temper on her when she thinks things are out of control. She can get herself really worked up. If she loses her temper, she's likely to kick you. We find it hilarious. If I put her in her room, she trashes it. I normally deal with it by taking her in my arms and cuddling her till it's over.
If I'm really angry with them, I threaten to take their privileges away. It's quite easy to do that with Luke; I tell him he can't go to rugby or I won't let him have a friend come round. Katie is an outdoor child so I tell her she can't go out and then she'll literally hit the roof. But it's really hard with Sadie - she doesn't do anything that I can take away from her, so nothing I do affects her. I suppose I could ban her from watching Eastenders that would make her quite uptight, but I never have. I rarely carry out my threats.
I'm a great believer in allowing the children to earn their privileges back - but that's when Martin says I'm being too soft and that I'm making a rod for my own back. Martin will shout at them - but I've tried that. When I scream at Sadie, she tells me that I shouldn't shout at her, and she's absolutely right. She always has the last word.
The most important thing to me is that the kids behave themselves outside the home, and they do. I've never had any complaints about them, so I put up with their behaviour at home.
THE RELATIONSHIP
What tips can you give for coping with Martin?
You have to nag! If you keep on at Martin, you might get somewhere - but you might not. He loves winding people up, and he's really good at it. Lots of my friends don't come round any more because he's upset them. Martin is ignorant - he doesn't care who he offends. His mouth is three steps ahead of his brain. He isn't horrible to me, but he winds everyone else up. If you show that he's getting to you - he'll do it all the more.
If you upset him, he'll sulk. He's like a big kid.
How do you like to be treated?
I like to be treated the same way as I treat people - with respect. I hate being spoken down to, it really gets my goat. Some people judge me on the way I look, I hate that - they decide what I'm like before they know me as a person. I don't believe that you should judge a book by its cover.
The best way of getting me mad is to have a go at my kids - I'll get a right gob on if someone upsets the children.
I would like to be treated with more romance but Martin's idea of romance is to fart and to tell me to smell it. He can be romantic and sometimes he brings me flowers. When he is feeling romantic he lights the fire and we have a cuddle.
HOUSE PHILOSOPHY
Please sum up the philosophy of this house and life within it.
This house is organised chaos - everyone else makes the chaos and I do the organising. But that's the way I like it. I don't work, because I want Martin and the kids to be properly looked after. I'm a stay-at-home mum and what makes me happy is making other people happy.
As far as I'm concerned, the kids come first. I want them to be able to do what they want at home. Martin tries to be stricter, but I normally give in to the kids. I love being a mother hen, I like my kids to be happy and I put everyone before myself - that's just how I am.
I used to work full-time - and my relationship with my kids suffered. I used to get home, and get even more gob from the kids than I do now. They weren't getting enough of my time because I was always busy doing other things. I was really stressed because it was impossible for me to get anything done with the kids around, they just wouldn't leave me alone. My kids needed my attention, and they weren't getting it.
Now I'm not working, I can do all the chores while they're at school, so when they do get home I concentrate on them. When I look at everything I do for my family, I ask myself how the hell did I manage to hold down a full-time job and do everything at home? I think that parents who don't spend enough time with their kids are selfish, they've had kids and they should make time for them. I wouldn't have the kind of relationship that I have with my kids if I was at work.
I've brought my kids up to be assertive - and I live with the consequences of that. They can be challenging and difficult - and their attitudes are getting worse. They don't take me seriously when I try to discipline them, they get angry, rude - or just laugh at me. They still demand all my attention - it's hard to even make a phone call when they're around. I find them difficult to deal with - sometimes they drive me to the end of my tether, but even so I'd rather have them the way they are. I may not fight my own corner very well - but I'll fight tooth and nail for my kids.
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