The problem is that in order to uphold the fantasy of trans, conversations like the one with Farida have to be shut down. In order to do this you have to be aggressive or ultra defensive. Neither are particularly sociable and both produce conflict.
I do feel that the whole thing is 'trying to run away from yourself' and you can't do that because it inevitably catches up with you - you can't be happy until you make peace with your self and love yourself for who and what you are. Living this great lie will take a toll on your life. You may be unhappy as your sex but pretending to be the opposite sex isn't going to make you happy either because it's not real. And no one talks about this when they bleat on about being stunning and brave.
Being in your late teens and early twenties is all about 'finding yourself '. It's normal and lots of people go through that process in varying degrees of extremity. Some will literally 'run away' by going travelling for example.
But you still can't escape reality.
What Farida asked are key questions that ultimately Hallie will have to face up to. Whether Hallie will work it out before or after surgery matters. Hallie is being put on TV as someone to aspire to, and that's disturbing. As I said before putting an 18 year old in that situation is never going to end well.
The ultra defensive persona is something I've seen time and time again - for a reason. If you want to live in a fantasy everyone around you constantly walks on eggshells. The whole idea of individual identity is flawed because our identity is only individual on one level. We also have collective relationships and we don't live in isolation. It does have an impact on others whether anyone likes to admit it or not. And that matters.
It's not about people being mean though. It's about trying to avoid the inevitable and anyone who touches a nerve even in a well meaning way finds themselves on the recieving end of that massive insecurity. If you have someone you care about or you want to understand more, you want to ask questions and it's healthy to challenge because of the consequences of not making sure that the person fully gets it.
Hallie's intro about not wanting to be treated like a child was revealing and I noticed it straight away. This is code for 'i know my mind and I don't want anyone asking me about x, y and z because I know best'. Anyone in their 40s / 50s has lived through that and seen it a mile off. People in their 20s have a right to make mistakes and it's almost a right of passage. But middle age people have a right to care and a responsibility to challenge where appropriate. And considerations about major life changing surgery and the impact on your choice of life partner are really not small fry issues. There should be lots of questions and challenging going on - because it often it comes from a good place - but the default assumption is the opposite and that it's bigoted. Asking hard questions often comes from a place of love.
This is why Hallie and Faridas inclusion troubled me so much from the start. They've both been totally set up to fail. Even if they handle the situation brilliantly and are liked. I don't think it will be conveyed on TV and I think we will see Hallie acting badly under the stress and Farida villified even though her intentions aren't bad.
As I say, it's not a subject that reality TV can handle - not when it's so all consuming and duty of care is relevant. It's not the right forum for this much needed conversation.