wanted down under - these people drive me nuts.

[RaspberryCoulis]

I do love watching the unrealistic people on Wanted Down Under.

Today's is classic. Mum with 4 Primary school age kids and a same-sex partner. Mum has always had a dream about living in Oz. Partner fairly meh about the whole thing.

The father of the kids appears to be very hands-on, very involved. Kids regularly expressing "missing Dad". Yet mum soldiers on with her selfish dream?

So what are you suggesting — wait till your parents and ILs die before you go to live in another country?

I'd say I'm suggesting only go and live in another country if its something that is going to significantly benefit you and your children, that can't also be achieved in the UK.
On the programme a lot of the families just want the warmer climate. To me that's not fair.
It does depend on things like if your parents have anyone else to help them, if you are an only child etc.
I'd also never stop my own children emigrating or doing anything at all they want with their lives. I'm thinking very much about my relationship with my own parents. I couldn't do it to them, I'd miss them too much and worry too much to make any benefit worthwhile.
Having said all that if I'd had the opportunity to move abroad in my twenties, I would have done without a backward glance. They would have only been in their 50s then. You just don't imagine your parents getting old, or I didn't anyway.
To have gone abroad then settled and had a family is slightly different.

I bet those that went are regretting it hugely now. My sis is in Spain and that was “ pop over for the weekend “ distance when she left. Haven’t seen her fit near 2yrs cos Covid

And eldest partner ( Aussie citizen ) came over , was due back feb and isn’t allowed back - flight now may 😂😱.

To me that's not fair.
It does depend on things like if your parents have anyone else to help them, if you are an only child etc.

I don't know if it's about being fair really. It's just making the choices and not hiding from what they really are. If you choose to move down under permanently and you have parents here then you are no part of being able to look after, support or visit them when they get older or need help (or such a tiny, tiny part it's hardly significant). If you're OK with that and barely seeing your folks IRL again then all good. I've seen people emigrate and then seem surprised when their 75 year old mum has a fall and is in hospital and they can't see her. But this was entirely predictable. I think it's just about thinking it through. I would never hold my kids back or guilt trip them but I am also just hoping that when they are grown ups they will want to be part of my everyday life and part of a support system for each other. If they choose not to me that's my burden to bear and I will have to manage alone like others do. I wouldn't see it as unfair but I think I would wonder whether I could have parented in a way that made them feel more connected with me (in a helpful way). I guess if you're loaded enough to take a trip down there every year and are also lucky enough to be healthy enough and to have enough time off work to be able to travel there regularly, then things might be different but that's obviously not the case for most everyday folk.

@Foxhat thats a very selfish view.

Its all woe is me and if i had parented different they wouldnt want to leave me.

What a way to guilt trip your kids.

It's only selfish of she says that to them. Which she hasn't said she would. People feel how they feel.

I love watching those shows only coz i can compare it to being over here having moved from England years ago..its a shame the towns/country places dont get a look in-nice to see a bit of diversity.Most of them crying out for qualified workers,with much lower housing/land costs..
People sure have their blinkers on-its very expensive here,but as long as you have savings&a job you'll be fine-i make 3x what i did in UK.
We'd been to Oz on a couple of holidays and then a working tourist visa before we finally made the move-we knew where we wanted to be-could afford the lifestyle-actually live the dream etc..

Seriously, I can’t get my head around the idea that you somehow owe it to your parents to live in the same country as them, or that you would regard your adult child moving to another country as some kind of failure of parenting, rather than something normal. I’m one of four siblings, and we’re all fond of one another and talk often to our parents, to whom we’re all close, but we’ve all lived for years at a time in Greece, China, Poland, the US, the UAE, Tokyo, and the UK. I’ve lived out of my home country for 25 years. We did it to study, to work, for fun, curiosity — all the reasons anyone goes anywhere. It says nothing about the quality of our family relationships. I fully expect DS to go and explore, and not to feel he’s got to stay living wherever we are, especially as he’s an only child.

When you are young, you don't think your parents will ever get old or frail. But they do. The choices you make when they are younger and fitter might not be right when they are old and unwell. Personally I want to be around - I do owe them an immense amount but it's not about duty, it's because I couldn't be happy leaving them to just get on with things by themselves.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

When you are young, you don't think your parents will ever get old or frail. But they do. The choices you make when they are younger and fitter might not be right when they are old and unwell. Personally I want to be around - I do owe them an immense amount but it's not about duty, it's because I couldn't be happy leaving them to just get on with things by themselves.

I agree with this. My own kids can do what they want with their lives.

@foxhat it's horses for courses. My DW has three siblings, them and their DM all live within an hour of each other and have never lived beyond that distance in their lives. They're in and out of each others pockets and it works for them.

My parents grew up in country town Australia and did all they could to move away and try new things. They did to a small extent, meeting when working in Papua New Guinea, then settling in Sydney. But my DM never did anything further and wishes she did. She instilled that sense of adventure in her children and my DS and i have lived abroad for a lot of our adult life.

One is not more selfish than the other, it's different ways of thinking about things. On WDU you can see the different dynamics. Quite often you have a family there because one of them travelled Australia when they were younger and loved it, these ones tend to do better with the show. Then the ones who've never been but think Australian life is visiting Alf's cafe in the day and evening cocktails at Lassiter's then heading home to the beach side home with pool and lying in because they only work 10 hours a week like everyone else they've seen on TV, they seem to struggle more.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

When you are young, you don't think your parents will ever get old or frail. But they do. The choices you make when they are younger and fitter might not be right when they are old and unwell. Personally I want to be around - I do owe them an immense amount but it's not about duty, it's because I couldn't be happy leaving them to just get on with things by themselves.

My parents are 79 and 75.

@BorderlineHappy

I don't think so. You have to say or express things to lay on a guilt trip. I think many parents do want to actually see their kids when they grow up and that's not a guilt trip.

often forgetting that it isn’t just a warmer version of the Uk it’s a completely different country!

Agree and I think this is true for NZ and the USA as well. They speak English in all three countries but that's the only similarity with the UK. We've got more in common with the other broadly Northern European countries like Germany etc than we have with Aus/NZ/USA. The USA in particular is massively massively 'foreign' which people don't seem to realise a lot of the time.

Why do they never ever go to Sydney on this show? I know it’s really expensive but there must be some wealthy people that apply for the show?

I must admit that the NZ houses do not appeal to me at all,and it’s often chucking it down during filming!

Great episode with the Mum and son (Jordan) this week. Such a lovely lad. They still didn’t feel settled though,I hope they do when they move to eastern Oz.

Lovely family on today’s episode.... I shed a few tears!

@bingowin - I saw their previous programmes so it was lovely to catch up with em - I'm really glad they had a baby at last

Them, not em!

Agreed. Heartwarming!

I was an air stewardess for years. The Australian flights used to be quite sad. There was often a granny coming back from visiting her daughter and grandchildren crying because she thought it would be the last time she’d be well enough to make the journey, or a child whose dad lived in Oz crying because they’d left mum for Xmas in England etc. It’s such a long way away.

Loved the family on yesterday’s episode, their episodes have been among my favourites and it was lovely to see that they’d had a baby.

@Honeyroar that is sad. And the people on this show often seem surprised how grim the flight is 🤷‍♀️

Agree a lot of the things really wind me up as well.
One couple were contemplating the move because the woman worked about 80 hours a week here and they wanted a better work life balance. They went to Australia and had a day out as a family and went on a bike ride (which was amazing because obviously bikes arent available in the uk yet) and to the beach.

If they wanted a better work life balance, I wasn't sure why she couldn't look for different opportunities here, or reduce her hours. And find time for family days out here.

Another family was a single mum with 3 children, the oldest was a teenage girl about to start gcse years. The mum and the younger children were very positive but the older girl was really upset about leaving her friends, and disrupting her education. The mum was quite stroppy and defensive when the teenage girl was quite definite she didn't want to go, and almost made out the daughter was doing it all to ruin her dream. She didn't appear to acknoweledge the fact she would be moving from her friends and disrupting one of her most crucial school years. (the teenager had had a 10 minute convo with an expat teenager who had moved there, so that ought to have solved everything!)

And yes everyone thinks they can sell a 3 bed semi in the uk for £180k and buy a 4 bed detached house with a pool 5 min from the beach in Australia.