wanted down under - these people drive me nuts.

[RaspberryCoulis]

I do love watching the unrealistic people on Wanted Down Under.

Today's is classic. Mum with 4 Primary school age kids and a same-sex partner. Mum has always had a dream about living in Oz. Partner fairly meh about the whole thing.

The father of the kids appears to be very hands-on, very involved. Kids regularly expressing "missing Dad". Yet mum soldiers on with her selfish dream?

They focus far more on Oz than NZ don’t they? I suppose a lot more Brits want to go to Oz.
We lived in NZ for a 6 months whilst Dh was a locus Dr there. The hospital begged him to stay on permanently but I’m afraid I couldn’t wait to get back to the UK. Don’t get me wrong it’s a beautiful place with some stunning scenery and beaches. But outdoor activities (actually just basically walking or cycling) is literally all there is to do! And in Winter (where is does get bloody cold and miserable) there is still only the outdoor stuff to do. Tbh it’s like a permanent lockdown only you are allowed to travel!

locum dr not locus

I have relatives in Oz, the parents went out as '£10 pomes'.

They did do the house with a pool. In the 1970s we were jealous of the pool, they were jealous of our colour TV.

I think a lot of people in the UK think it is still 1962 in Oz.

No one mentions visas or 'points' or qualifications.

When my grandmother went to visit her daughter in the 1970s she just got a cash in hand job with no questions asked.

Watching yesterday, the couple were considering NZ. They stayed here and within 5 years both of his parents had died of dementia. I couldn't imagine being on the other side of the world and just leaving my parents to get on with it. No, parents shouldn't have kids in the expectation that those kids will do everything for them and completely sacrifice their own lives, but if your parents have been good to you then imo you do owe them some care and consideration. I couldn't be happy, buggering off abroad and just leaving my parents alone.

Also I don't get the fascination with outdoor lifestyle. If you don't have one here, you aren't suddenly going to discover a love for it when you move.

@bluetongue I'm the child in the scenario and my parents aren't quite elderly yet.
I wouldn't go to the other side of the world and leave them to it in their old age.
They didn't have children so I could look after them in old age. But I love them and want to do so.
If they need to go in to a care home I would want to be involved in choosing that, and visit regularly.
I actually don't live particularly close to them at the moment, if they were to get ill and need support it would be fairly easy to move them nearer to me. That would be impossible if I was in Oz.
In this programme it often seems like there isn't a very good reason for moving at all. And as I've said upthread it doesn't look like these families spend much time investigating ways to improve their lifestyles whilst remaining in the UK.
Of course they may just not show that on the programme.

Watching yesterday, the couple were considering NZ. They stayed here and within 5 years both of his parents had died of dementia. I couldn't imagine being on the other side of the world and just leaving my parents to get on with it.

As hard as it is,you have to do what's best for your own kids and life

You can't live like that.
I have kids and grandkids,of course I'd be heartbroken if they decided to move to Australia.

But no way would I guilt trip them in to not going.Thats a very selfish thing to do.

I think it's selfish to just leave people who are getting to their most vulnerable years. I'd have wanted to be here during Covid for example, so I could make sure my parents had someone to shop for them and that they weren't left to fend for themselves. If they got I'll, I just wouldn't want to be halfway across the world.
I think it's our instincts as parents to not want to hold our children back in life, so I fully get why parents encourage their DC to follow their dreams. I just don't think I could be happy so far away.

Well i do live halfway across the world from my parents and have done for 14 years. They know the UK is the place for me. I now have 2 children and my parents are retired and can afford to fly over once or twice a year to see them. They'd love it if i lived in Australia but i think they'd hate it if they thought i was doing it just to support them in their later years. They always encouraged me to explore the world and try new things, and that sense of adventure led me to where i am today.

Also when my kids are older if they decide they want to live abroad then all power to them, it's their life to choose what they want to do

Given there are plenty of Australians that live in the UK I wonder what the equivalent programme would be like there?!
I'm guessing it would be mainly younger single people moving to the UK and not families looking for a better quality of life?

The one where the dad died was so sad.

Most of the families in this revisited series did make the move though.

The 2 that didn’t was because the dads failed the English tests.

Surely you’d not assume you could emigrate without top notch English skills?

The 2 that didn’t was because the dads failed the English tests
What the English test, genuinely interested

The guy didn't speak English as a first language. I'm not sure if he was a British Citizen I can't remember.
It was a real obstacle and obviously in the end they had to call it a day.

English test is extra points if your short on visa points , it boosts your application , we didn't need to do it luckily but I have heard it's actually quite difficult from others ... even with English as a first language .

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Excellent summary sprout. People forget that when you move abroad it's the same shit, different location - you still have to go to work and do the school run, only you are doing it without your support network and friends! My brother married an American woman and lives in California - they don't spend every day at the beach. They spend every day getting the kids to childcare so they can go to work. I haven't seen my one year old nephew due to Covid and not being able to travel - not seeing family is the reality and that's hard. Australia is even further away - most people aren't going to spend thousands of pounds traveling to see people who chose to move away. The two families I know who moved to NZ both moved back because life isn't perfect abroad any more than it is here and people underestimate how much they miss their families.

Brits have a really weird attitude to people going to live and work in far-flung countries, though, like its both selfish and misguided.

I fully agree that what little I’ve seen of both those Wanted Down Under and A Place in the Sun type programmes that the people who apply and whom they choose to feature spout the same old guff about outdoor lifestyles and beaches, and seem to primarily have Australia in mind because it requires no language effort and they perceive it as Permasun Barbecue Central, but I don’t think there needs to be the remotest ‘reason’ to emigrate permanently or to live abroad for a substantial number of years — it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t love your extended family, or loathe your home culture.

And I disagree strongly with those who think life is the same everywhere. I’ve lived in various countries other than my native one for over 25 years, and my life has been very different depending on where I was — new languages, new jobs, new friends, new education system, new climate, new places to explore.

I think the ‘same shit, different country’ stuff is peddled by those who think everyone should be trudging through their days in the place they happened to be born.

I think the ‘same shit, different country’ stuff is peddled by those who think everyone should be trudging through their days in the place they happened to be born.

Yep, this.

Your location can vastly influence your life. We've relocated lots, though only round the British Isles. But our lives have varied hugely, even down to the people you meet, who can be so vastly different, some places you fit and some places you just don't. It isn't the same shit everywhere.
Plus the whole 'if you don't have an outdoor lifestyle here, then you won't have one elsewhere' is totally untrue. We are really hampered by the weather in the UK.

My favourite was a family who went to Dunedin in our summer. They took shorts and t-shirts and couldn't believe it was snowing.

@sproutburger your précis has entertained me far more than the actual programme does!

Of course life is different abroad - I mean that you aren't on holiday. You still need to go to work and clean the loo! Everyone I know who's done it hasn't been made magically happy because the things that were upsetting them at home, were still there. The people I know who've done it (including me) missed their families far more than they anticipated..

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Of course life is different abroad - I mean that you aren't on holiday. You still need to go to work and clean the loo! Everyone I know who's done it hasn't been made magically happy because the things that were upsetting them at home, were still there. The people I know who've done it (including me) missed their families far more than they anticipated..

But only the most naive and inexperienced person would imagine for one second that living in another country would either feel like being on holiday, or make them ‘magically happy’! That sounds like the perspective of people who’ve gone on an annual sun holiday and extrapolated a magical perma-holiday life from that alone, like a school leaver who thinks that being a vet will just involve heartwarming snuggles with kittens because she hasn’t done her research.

I also think that overwhelmingly monolingual Brits are — because of it being considered culturally normal to find learning other languages difficult — skewed to Australia, NZ and other (distant) English-speaking places, rather than, say, moving around within Europe, where it’s perfectly possibly to see a lot of your extended family because of shorter distances and cheaper flights. The vast majority of my friends have spent long periods living in one or several other countries to their own (eg Finn living in England, Brazilians living in Switzerland, American living in Paris and married to a Frenchman, English family living in Iceland, English family who’ve lived in Milan, Mumbai and Moscow over the last ten years, Chinese family living in Ireland) , and while they are fond of, and close to, their families, they would consider it unusual to consider staying living in their home country because of potentially missing their parents. Neither would any of our parents think it was normal to stick close to home. DS is only 8, but has lived in three countries, has a lovely relationship with all four grandparents in our home country, and knows perfectly well there’s no expectation he’ll confine himself to wherever his parents are living by the time he leaves home. It just seems unnecessarily restrictive.

I mean, obviously it’s not for everyone, but there’s a big world out there.

@Standrewsschool

Jordon is absolutely lovely. It’s a real shame he can’t get a job with wildlife - he has a real passion for it.

I loved Jordan as well and he grew up into a very handsome young man, I hope he is happy wherever they are.

I think many of the people on wdu haven't thought it through - or have wilfully ignored the legitimate concerns raised by the family members they want to take with them or those being left behind. They often go, see that the house prices are high, that they won't earn more money while working shorter hours but they still think Australia is going to make them happy. For those people who are very good at putting themselves first, maybe it does, but often their partner and kids aren't fully on board.
Maybe it's different when you're young and haven't put down roots yet.
My own family is from and has lived in lots of different countries - there were things they've sacrificed because of it. I just think that sometimes people get caught up in the adventure of it and forget that one day it won't be new and exciting anymore, it will just be their normal life and have they gained more than they've given up.

@lovelemoncurd

I once new a family that went on that programme. Young couple 4 boys. He was a bricklayer and had been out of work in about 2005. Anyway their grandma used to do all the school runs etc. She loved the boys. They went on the programme then moved to Australia. I still see the grandma shopping and it makes me sad every time.

The dad did find lots of work though and my eldest still facebooks one of the boys. She's 21 now. He is an amazing surfer.

Oh that makes me sad. That poor Gramdma.

So what are you suggesting — wait till your parents and ILs die before you go to live in another country? Only emigrate if they all agree and/or go with you?

Are you planning to make your children sign a.covenant that they’ll commit to live their entire lives within four hours’ drive of you?

Of course not. It's generally not in a parent's nature to hold back their children from the things they truly want. But I would expect my children to think it through properly and assess whether they would be better off/happier once the novelty had worn off.
Personally, I wouldn't leave my parents in their old age unless I had siblings who could make sure they were looked after and who were willing to take on that responsibility. But again, this has an element of selfishness because it's a responsibility that ought to be shared imo.
Sometimes in life you can't just do what you want - or you can but you have to accept that your choices can negatively impact other people. Some people care about that more than others as the wdu families demonstrate.
The couple looking at NZ the other day would have longer/more unsocial working hours, she would be giving up the part of her job which meant the most to her and they would have to live further out of the city to afford it, so a longer commute. That's not a better quality of life than they had here but he was still chomping at the bit to go. In the end they stayed here and within 5 years his folks had died from dementia. Personally I would hate not to be home for that, but he was clearly different because he didn't see his mum in her last year because he wanted to remember her as she had been . Again, I couldn't just get on with own life and not see my mum and check she was properly cared for. But it's true, people are not all the same.