The Family Secret...anyone watching?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I cannot believe they just said that the dad said she shouldn't report the rape by her brother because it would seem like the family were hanging up on him...did I hear that right?

You heard right. Shocking! This show is heartbreaking

Totally heartwrenching - I can't understand the father's reaction. Poor poor little girl.

This is why siblings don't report... you lose no matter what you do.

This is heartbreaking.

I think it's incredibly intrusive and isn't a show that should have been commissioned. This isn't entertainment, it's messing about with people's lives, which have already been damaged beyond repair.

I've not watched it but this did happen to me. When I told my dm and df they kept him off school for the day, took him out for lunch and had a chat to him. Told me it was best they didn't report it because he could get into trouble and that wasn't fair.

Just wow. What an amazing, unbelievably brave woman. I didn't get the impression Robert, or his Dad, really understood the awfulness of what he'd done. His sister was seven

@delilabell I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Oh @delilabell that's heartbreaking 😥 I'm so sorry to read this

I'm watching too. The poor woman-she is so very brave. I feel for her Mum too-how heartbreaking for her.

I am going to switch off now though. It's bringing back too many painful memories

Thank you. I wasn't saying it for kindness but it's very lovely of you.
I don't get why this kind of thing is done for entertainment but then there's lots of things I watch that people might say the same eg Dublin murders. I'm glad I haven't watched it.

@delilabell hugs.

I was sexually abused by my brother for years. When I finally plucked up the courage to tell my mum she said "If he raped you why don't you have bruises?" And then 'suggested' I move out to make things easier. I was 17 and had just had my second abortion from the abuse

I felt I shouldn’t be watching it. Like I was intruding on something very private.
It seemed like the father understood the impact of what happened less than his son the perpetrator.
The descriptions of what he did to a 7 year old were heartbreaking. He was very young. Wondering if he had been exposed to something in order to know what he was doing.

Such wide ramifications. Such bravery from Kath and her mum, and to some extent Robert too. The dad seemed to be the only one not able to meet this head on, but I'm not sure I can condemn him for that. I do judge him for not giving his daughter the love and support that she need though.

We have experienced abuse in our family and so nearly didn't watch, but I'm glad we did. It was my daughter and another male relative.
Until we face these awful situations and start talking about them nothing will change.
Forearming parents with what could happen allows them to at least think about what their response might be if the unthinkable happens, because unfortunately it happens all too often.
I too found the fathers' response difficult, the most important factor is that the child is completely supported after a disclosure.

Just watched this on playback and immediately felt the need to post on mn about it. Came looking for a post and found it. It was very painful to watch but I can't help feeling there's more to this. The poor little girl brings tears to your eyes but where on earth does a 10 year old boy learn such behaviour? It has me wondering if he was raised with a sense of entitlement since he was the first 'miracle' baby or perhaps something more sinister like he himself was exposed to some form of abuse? I just really struggle with accepting a 10 year old boy can be so evil without influence in some way. This in no way excuses what he did or how long that abuse continued but it sure leaves you wondering.

doesn't this fit him: "The DSM-5 states [psychiatrist diagnostic manual] that the essential feature is their willingness to “disregard [or violate] the rights of others.” From my experience in over 30 years dealing with legal cases, family conflicts, workplace disputes, and other situations as a high-conflict consultant, I would say that the driving force with sociopaths (and they have lots of energy) is to dominate others. This may or may not involve breaking the law. They want to dominate people in order to get things from them, such as their possessions, money, sex, business partners, homes, cars, investments, reputation and so forth. But they also like dominating others just for the feeling of it—the feeling of power and control. Sociopaths lack a conscience, so they will do anything to get what they want." Robert only cared for the euphoria of release . . . he used Kath for it 2-3 times a week, a 7 year old, and admits he did not care about her.

Did you join just to write that @dsrm1530DSRM ?

I think the programme was well done. I dont think it was exploitative or like we were watching just for entertainment.

I agree with a PP it needs to be spoken about more so that more people feel comfortable coming forward and reporting this kind of crime. So that the accuser gets punished and the victim gets help.

*accused

They could have done without the music, it was serious enough without trying to add to the drama.

Kath and her mum were extremely brave for making the programme, I would like to thank them.

Wow what a brave woman.

I also think there would have been more to this than was touched on, the brother was 11, why did he need such a 'release?' (his words) He was a child himself.

I also agree about the music,no need for it at all.

Again, what a very courageous woman.

I think the dad was a classic example of love the sinner, hate the sin. I can only imagine how hard it would be to just turn off the parental unconditional love that a parent has.

She was seven and he was ten, also a young child. And I think his father did understand how awful it was and loved Robert anyway, which is very brave and difficult thing to do. I think this was an irresponsible and thoughtless programme.

You don't diagnose a ten year old as a sociopath. You've fallen in to the trap set by this badly made programme which is to perceive Robert as an adult sex offender. He wasn't, he was a 10 year old child. This does not of course make it OK but it means that your first question has to be: what has happened to Robert that he has behaved in this way?