Good evening to my favourite ladies! It's Captain James here (using Ilove's laptop) and using it with her permission too!
She told me she was organising another pre-Christmas tour of the UK for me and she was going to be first port of call but I clearly surprised her when I knocked on the door at 8 am today. I cannot believe she forgot I was arriving! Mind you, BK also forgot to arrange a car for me as well but an army pal of mine lives in the north west, so I stayed with him overnight.
She was fussing about because some old biddy was coming for lunch and she said this woman was a bit like the Queen Mother. She was certainly right on that score, the only things missing were the fancy hat and gloves! I helped her get everything ready and made sure the old bat wasn't left on her own at all as Ilove reckoned she'd be running her finger over the picture frames to check for dust. I'd made sure they were all dust free when Ilove was in the kitchen as the Queen Mother would have had a field day. Housework isn't Ilove's priority in life!
The old bat was so nosey, I thought she was about to ask how much money Ilove had in the bank at one stage so I stepped in and charmed her with some stories of my foreign tours and she was practically eating out of my hand by the end.
I offered to take her home and for once, Ilove didn't seem to mind lending me her car keys. When I dropped the Queen Mother off, she patted my hand and said I was a very handsome man and she wishes she was thirty years younger! Thirty years - she'd said at lunchtime she was ninety - so I think she might have been flirting with me!
Ilove said we can't go out tonight because she watches Strictly and then kept on about some dancer called Gleb who looks a bit like me. Don't think he can be as handsome as me but I'll give you my verdict later.