Murdered by my boyfriend

[weatherall]

On bbc3 now.

Drama about domestic violence,

I watched this show last night. And I am horrified. Why because I am in a mentally and physically abusive relationship right now. The worst part is I am watching this show and my life is almost identical to Ashley and my boyfriend is a double to reeve even the phrases he says the evil looks. Absolutely shocking. Watching this is was crying my eyes out as everyone around me telling me that I will end up like Ashley one day. I already was in the hospital with severe injuries because of him. He promised to never do it again. Yet he beat me with a belt 2 days ago. :( the worst part is we live together I've been with him for nearly 4 years and I can't tell anyone about this. I am scared. I wake up screaming at night. I need help and for it to remain confidential. I want to live. I love life. I need to find the strength in me to leave. Yet I know he will never let me go. He is obsessed with me. Tells me I am his to do with as he pleases. My body is his. I watched this and I wanna get help. This is traumatise g. To who ever is going through this. We need to get together and fight against these animals.

womens aid

Please call them

Vbrown- talk to someone you trust. Decide on a safe place to go where he can't find you. Make copies of your documents now and leave them with someone you trust.

Get a new phone and put your numbers into it so he can't contact you when you leave.

Done tell him you are leaving- that is dangerous.

Good luck and do contact women's aid for professional advice.

Vbrown your post gave me chills. Please please call women's aid, you don't have to live like this.

Ladies. Thank you for your posts I have actually been looking into getting help. Mentally I feel so weak like I cant do it. He knows everyhing about me where my mum lives my friends even my cousins and auntys. If I tell my mum she will go straight to the police and then im afraid that he can go as far as hurting my family or as he use to say pay someone to do it. :( that quote "I can only feel what he feels" brings tears to my eyes as its exactly how he is. If he is happy so am I if he is upset so am I. I use to be the most opinionated girl who worked hard for everything I had. Now I work to give all my wages to him as he tells me I owe him for putting him through all the bullshit. How do I make the first step. Do I leave. Or do I get help and then leave.

I haven't experienced this myself but the advice I've seen on here is to make a plan, get everything ready, act completely normal and then just go. The actual leaving is the most dangerous time as this is when the abuser loses their power and they will do anything to hold on to it so it is really important that you cover your tracks while you're preparing to leave.

You will get lots of support on the relationships board and women's aid can help you too. Please consider telling your family too, you need support with this

vbrown please post this in Relationships - there's a wealth of support and experience there. This section is too easily missed, someone who can really lend you some much needed help and advice not frequent these boards. Echo what everyone else has said - act normal, give nothing away, make your plan, call Women's Aid from a phone box or borrow your mum's phone, don't do it on your own phone as he might be controlling enough to check your calls? All I know is, he will tell you/threaten you with anything to make you stay but if you find the strength to speak to your family, it brings it out in the open - they can help you, they can be vigilant about him, you won't have to be alone with this anymore.

vb, when you go, you have to stay gone love

completely cold turkey and no contact

just disappear when you are ready and have no further communication with him, or he will talk you round and then punish you for trying to make the break

you have to be serious that this is the final shot

remember in the programme, she tried to leave a couple of times but he wheedled and whined and he broke her down by sheer force of will

you have to find a way to counteract that

have you someplace to go, somewhere that the people supporting you fully believe and accept how bad he is, because you will also come under outside pressure to give him another chance when he cries and manipulates all those around him

you will have to be so strong, but you have it in you. It takes strength to survive a relationship like this and still have some will to want to change your life. Harness that strength and make it work for you now

Ladies. Thank you for all your support. I am taking baby steps and getting myself out of this. Constantly feeling on edge. Thank you forall your help and support. Will see where life takes me from here.