Downton Abbey - update required

[StagnantRabbit]

Any big Downton fans out there who can tell me what happened in the very last episode of series 2 and also the Xmas special? Tryin to get ready for the new series on Sunday but is there anything else I missed? (apart from Lady Mary and Matthew getting together that is)

Matthew and the prozzie maid.

Actually the clothes in The Paradise yesterday were gorgeous; there was sex, heavy breathing n' all if anyone's interested. It's def. improving.

Will-ee-ummmm.

Ah cahn't marry Will-eeee-ummm, I don't love Will-eeeee-ummmm.

yes nancy, she'll be hanging around Mrs Crowley's house and there you go. Ethel, isn't it?

Oh William, how I could forget? THat was another of those daft drawn-out stories, how she was made him marry him on his death bed. All the action happens on death beds when you think about it.

Poor William didn't get a sniff of action on his deathbed.

Ethel, that's it. And she gives Matthew the clap and then he gives it to Lady Mary.

Thomas is about to get steamy over a new footman and Daisy will simper over Albert the Tall. That's downstairs I reckon for now. That and AnnaBates (and our) continued suffering.

Upstairs: Edith goes off to London to stay with Aunt Rosamund. Takes up with a Turk stationed at the Embassy who, (was going to say "dying" but won't) eager to meet the notorious Lady MaryTurkKiller, comes to DA for the weekend.

Matthew sulks, feels inadequate. Mary's eyebrows take on a new life of their own and Lady Violet provides the dinner table theme, "The last time one of your fellow countrymen dined here, he died in the night. The last train back to London leaves in 15 minutes. I should catch it if I were you."

Was Nigel Havers in DA last year or am I hallucinating? There was something between him and a maid??

Matthew deserves the clap. Yet I fear even that deadly bacteria would find him too deadly dull as a host body. The poor clap would be given treatment to remove the attack of the Matthews.

wasn't he Aunt Rosamund's beau and bonking her maid?

Imagine another Turk turning up at Downton! You've got Lady Violet down perfectly. I like that.

People were actually riddled with STDs around that time so it would be historically accurate - like Julian F demands

Why hasn't aunt rosamund been invited to any of the weddings? Was Samantha bond busy?

I remember the storyline now. Why has she not even been referred to?

As soon as someone shuffles off the estate they are forgotten forever more.

Genius, Fiderer! Also I suggest knighting (or ladying?) Squoosh for services to this thread.... Am loving this thread.... As you were.

Where's Rosamund?!

Rosamund is suffering from JF-itis. Once off the script you're afflicted by invisibleness and no-plotiness. No one can see you and your character wilts.

The fortunate recover when JF needs to re-inject stories into the Sacred Script.

The doomed get shot. Or cast out of Society, which is obviously worse.

So by next week, Sybil & Branson are back in Ireland but he has fled to England-to Downton??!!

Because he´d really be accepted there!

Perhaps Edith rushes to Ireland to fetch Sybil?

Possible affairs:

Matthew and O'Brien (they have after all danced together)
Carson and Edith
Tall footman and Edith
Pickle's friend and Edith
Ethel and Edith
Lady V and Pickles

I cannot for the life of me imagine O'Brien with anyone.

Due to being off work sick I have watched all bar the last half hour of Season 1 for the first time today and have become fixated with O'Brien's sideburns, need to go back to S3 and see if she has still got them.

Aunt Rosamund is off cavorting with that Bond fellow.

Sybil n Matty affair? Or is that too mainstream for JF.

The actress who plays O'Brien - ahem, sorry, the actOR - hated those sideburns. I see she has a different hairstyle in this series, so she'll be relieved.

I adored the first series but what's happened? S2 was ridiculous and I gave JF the benefit of the doubt, thinking he'd got all flighty with fame. Expected him to have calmed down but S3 is ridiculouser than S2, even. Samantha Bond was shuffled on like one of those victorian paper puppets.

Matthew - or the actOR who plays Matthew - was on that culture show that brainy Germaine frequents, the one where they are all dead serious about culture. He was invited on, so he must be a bit brainy.

I only recently realised that O'Brien is one of the lively young ladies from Rita, Sue and Bob Too.

peterjensen.co.uk/watch-a-film-with-peter/

You mean Dan Stevens Springy. Yeah, he's clever. Read English Lit I think at Cambridge.