Has BGT? Or has it not?

[RachelWalsh]

And let the onslaught begin

Why is Simons hair like that?

why rockin? why?

He's vile and and not just a bit ooh quirky, but vile... and made of weirdy plastic materials and spends far too much time swimming around in other people's shit and diesel overspills

Yes, I'm afraid I do.

I tracked down his Desert Island Discs last week and swooned while ironing.

I soooo would.

Sue, is it possible you are watching ITV+1 at all?

Because Simon has lego clip on hair

Yes, yes Dilys, all laugh at pore ol Sue.

Ok - shag or shag - Walliams or Cowell?

You have to shag one of them.

I pick Walliams. I think. Eeeurgh. But the idea of Simon smugly looking down at me from under his thatched head is too horrible.

It's that slight vulnerable cheekiness.

and I have a crap gaydar, like his wife

Sue, is it possible you are watching ITV+1 at all?

My mum did tgat by accident one morning with gmtv and was an hour behind all day

Urge- lebof! Minging imagery...balk

Wailliams, Simon would give marks or buzz you out

Walliams over Cowell fo sho

can i shag Alesha instead, please?

I just can't deal with crop top or wide load

I would pick walliams unless by picking cowell i would get loads of hush money i think

I'd do Cowell. I couldn't with Walliams. The voice. And he's oddly thickset, not in a good way IYSWIM.

Plus I think Cowell would be hysterical. I bet he'd rarrrrrrrr and probably ask you to say something very odd and very specific. Or spank him with a Marigold glove or something.

If you had to shag Cowell at least you'd know the sheets would be quality Egyptian.

It would have to be from behind, wouldnt it? I couldnt look at their coming faces.

That's the exact shade of yellow I want for my kitchen...

He'd prolly spring Sinitta on you half way through though. And I can't handle that many pricks.

If I tried to shag Cowell, my vagine would grow instant teeth and attack him. He's THAT vile.

My mind is boggling with odd and very specific possibilities.

What you'd shag Cowell from behind with a strap on? I've heard about these dangerous theads.

Simons jizz face would be AMAZING.