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We need to talk about dad

33 replies

NotAnotherNewNappy · 21/11/2011 23:21

Anybody else watching? The boys are so lovely, particularly Henry. It's awful to watch him try to make sense of what his dad did and how his mum reacted top it. I hope making the programme has helped him to get the answers he needs.

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 21/11/2011 23:22

half watching.
what ever happened to Dad, did he go to prison. is he out now?

Blu · 21/11/2011 23:22

I started watching half way through - what did the Dad do, and why?

tethersend · 21/11/2011 23:23

He was lovely.

He just needs someone to acknowledge what he went through without saying "What about me, how do you think I felt?"

Really felt for him Sad

slartybartfast · 21/11/2011 23:26

yes can understand his point of view.

dad hit mum over the back of the head with a rock, or something. left her for dead. comletely unexpected.

NotnOtter · 21/11/2011 23:46

Henry comes across as the real victim to me.....

The dad has the emtional maturity of a kipper...

Boys come across as the lovliest people

mambo14 · 21/11/2011 23:49

That was so sad. The boys came across as lovely and am sure the mum did her best but poor henry just desperately wanted to talk and noone would let him.
What a sad repressed family.

NotnOtter · 21/11/2011 23:53

agree Mambo
I hope the program making was therapeutic

catsrus · 22/11/2011 00:08

I'm watching it from the beginning on ch4+1 - the father is freaking me out TBH... OMG the mother has just said that they have no idea what the younger brother knows or thinks - they have NEVER talked about this!!??? and he's 17 now ...

NotnOtter · 22/11/2011 10:07

Cats I thought exactly that

norriscoleforpm · 22/11/2011 10:08

Recorded it to watch later...

cantgetlaidingermany · 22/11/2011 11:11

Watching it now...the dad! I mean WTAF? where was the remorse for what he did? does he think it is normal, he seems to have the attitude that everybody should just forget and forgive with no discussion.

Poor Felix aswell, nobody has ever told the poor kid what went on.

Feel for those poor lads.

Joyy · 22/11/2011 12:08

Hi

I thought the dad was weird too. But the older son was old enough to know that he should be more sympathetic, it was almost like he was jealous of his little brother for not having to deal with so much heartache. He's old enough to be more understanding of the mum instead of expecting her to fix all the cracks in the family. She was the victim as well as the kids :( Very difficult situation indeedy.

catsrus · 22/11/2011 12:27

I think the issue for Henry was that he had been sympathetic and had played the game of happy families to keep mum happy - she clearly couldn't bear to consider that the dad had consciously intended to hurt her, she seemed to be living in a cloud of denial IMO and the impact of that on her kids was awful. From what I read of the guardian article about it there are 3 children - I assume the girl at dinner was the 3rd, what is she teaching her about her value as a woman!? it's OK for a dh to crush your head with an axe!?

Henry's question of "if he could do it, then could I do it?" was something he was struggling with because no-one would talk to him about why it might have happened.

typicalvirgo · 22/11/2011 12:32

what a terrible story.

I felt desperately sorry for Henry. I hope making that programme helped him in some way. He looked tortured.

I agree cats that bit about 'maybe he could just do something like that' was particularly awful for him.

He was a very handsome chap though Grin

Blu · 22/11/2011 13:59

Do I have this right?
The Dad attacked the Mum very very seriously, and went to prison - but she wrote, and asked her sons to write, a character ref fro the Dad. But preserved a smidgeon of integrity in not actually submitting the one from the older son, knowing that he had misgivings. But didn't tell the older son that she had not submitted the letter.

On the basis of her suport the H eas released from prison after 5m and she was swiflt living with him again?

I saw the Dad, when the son tried to talk to him and he said 'I need to go to bed' and didn't give any info except basic psycho-babble speak 'you have to deal with this on your own way...' while saying a round table conversation would never happen. And when the son tried to talk to the woman she just basically put up her own upset as a defence, became hysterical and swamped his questions and comments in a load of guilt tripping 'what about MEEEEEE?'.

The relationship between the boys was wonderful.

catsrus · 22/11/2011 16:55

That seems a pretty good synopsis Blu - staggering!

FruStefanLindman · 22/11/2011 17:31

I thought the girl at the dinner was Henry's girlfriend?
Although I have to admit that I didn't realise there were three DC in the family - and I didn't see the programme right from the start.

Once again, Blu, you've summed it up perfectly.

I thought the father was absolutely chilling.
My heart bled for both of the boys.
And I was V confused by the mother's attitude.

NotnOtter · 22/11/2011 17:54

I did think the brothers relationship was lovely BUT - and it's a biggy- Felix was dreadfully babied where at the same age Henry had been burdened with the huge enormity of the whole sorry mess. Felix now lacked empathy....

Mum obviously - as Blu said- refused to acknowledge that her husband actually 'wanted' to harm her - personally I found the blindfold to show a pretty clear case if pre meditation which made the whole
'single psychotic episode' business a little hard to swallow
She seemed totally self obsessed and again lacking any empathy towards Henry. One almost felt that both parents regretted Henry witnessing the 'act' but for all the wrong reasons. They could not 'sweep ' thw whole sorry horrific act of murderous intent deed under the carpet ....

I wanted Henry to get a girlfriend and ease away from the family unit as it seemed he was in a hopeless position which was unfathomable and most certainly NOT going to be resolved

Henry was proper model material and seemed incredibly sane and inciteful - truly great bloke in spite of parental failure with regard to him

Blu · 22/11/2011 18:36

Blindfold??

I only saw the section of the programme between the son speaking with the dad late at night, and the Mum getting hysterical at the kitchen table - an i was asleep for about half that.

I just thought it was the weirdest thing for the boy to be asked by bhis Mum to retain loyalty to a man who had almost killed her. No wonder he was scared, it was against all he felt to be right.

Why on EARTH did she stay with him? Terrible moral and family-life message. Unless there was a proper medical diagnosis of some sort of eopisode subsequently controlled with drugs, or something.

YaMaYaMa · 22/11/2011 19:53

I just watched this. Poor Henry, nobody seemed to want to think about the impact on him. I feel so sorry for him. I felt sorry for the mother as well, but for different reasons. And I don't think anyone did Felix any real favours with how he's been protected from this, at the cost of Henry's well being and emotional health. Just awful.
I don't think I've seen such a dysfunctional family, poor Henry.

thegirlwithnoname · 22/11/2011 19:59

Did you hear the song on the end credits? Henry is a budding singer songwritter with an album coming out in the new year he is singing Weight on the words.

Pixel · 22/11/2011 20:08

I don't know how the father had the nerve to ever show his face in that family again, let alone go back and live with them and act as if he'd done nothing wrong. He didn't seem sorry at all.
There was a brief scene of the mum in bed, if my husband was in the house after trying to kill me I don't think I'd ever sleep soundly again!

slartybartfast · 22/11/2011 21:39

i bet money had something to do with it if they hadnt been so rich do you think she would have welcomed him back so quickly.

NotnOtter · 22/11/2011 23:04

slarty could be

i did not think he was actually back in the house - she had a 'partner' did she not or did i mis hear?

I do wonder at the judicial system and indeed the rehabilitation of the dad. A firm pat on the back - bear hug and a manly 'shut up and get on with it son' type attitude does not help anyone

will look at song thanks for the link

YaMaYaMa · 23/11/2011 10:57

He moved back into the house directly from jail, after completing his 5 month sentence for attempted murder GBH. Then a year later they split up. She has a new partner now and the husband lives in Germany but was staying with them for Christmas, although she couldnt sleep in the same house as him so went to her new partner's.

The mind boggles at how some women try and rationalise things, like being hit in the back of the head with an axe. I also doubt very much that he suddenly just took an axe to her one day with no history of abuse at all. I cant get over how the whole family never really discussed it again Sad