One Born Every Minute 24/1

[juneybean]

Here we are then

Would have done my midwife no good to tell me not to push

That baby was coming out!!! I think because it was my 2nd baby I knew what my body was doing and I knew I was ready to push.

changer22, I agree I would have found birth pool dad annoying - it just goes to show that it is all such a personal thing. It would have driven me absolutely beserk having someone constantly mithering me about whether I was ok, you're doing so well, breathe etc etc - I actually found Dean far less irratating!

I am sure birth pool dad is fantastic and was obviously just what his partner wanted and needed, it is just not the approach I wanted when I was in labour. (But then I was the odd one out last year as I liked the first dad who blew up the rubber gloves!!)

I was lucky in that my dh just sat in a corner and read a micheal palin book til I needed a drink/my hand held/someone to lean on etc etc. The nurses all thought it was odd that I wasnt screaming at him and telling him to fuck off

I second that deliveries can be quiet, even with a degree of 'panic'
I had meconium, DD positioned back to back and had dipping heart rate, I had ventouse and episiotomy and delivered with a midwife, consultant obstetrician and a pediatrian in the room and it was very very calm and quiet.
This seemed to be down to my completely unflappable obstetrician who, in retrospect, was obv. very concerned by the heart rate drop and meconium but never let things get panicky and made sure it was all calm.

Was anyone else a bit surprised that they showed the father bottle feeding? Nothing wrong with it of course, but they've never shown a baby breast feeding and he did make a thing of saying he wanted to do the 'first feed'.

Maybe I'm just getting a bit over-sensitive in my old age.

I think heart mum's behaviour is absolutely bang in line with her history as a poorly child and adolescent. It is a nationally recognised priority that for many with a chronic illness, the transition between paeds care and adult care doesn't go smoothly. There are lots of compliance problems. If you've been told to take your medication for 18 years and then off you go to uni or whatever and nobody is telling you to take it and check you've done it then you start to push the boundaries. Big transitoin for parents too - who need to back off and they are rubbish at that. Some children want them to back off and some can't cope if they do. It can all be a huge mess tbh.
In this case - she has been told for years that this is dangerous, that she must stay in hospital, tat she must have x and y treatment. That starts to skew your perspective. After all - she's still alive. Why should she believe them that something bad could/will happen? It never has before. It may make her seem very irritating and careless but I firmly believe that we're seeing the effects of a lifetime of ill health and very largely she shouldn't be blamed for her reaction.

I thought birth pool dad was great.

this programme just makes me realise how crappily I was treated, they asked if they could do an examination, they didn't demand, they let he say stop, they gave gas and air...

the examinations and pessaries being put in (I was induced) were by far the worse part of labour for me, much worse than the actual giving birth bit, but I was made to feel pathetic for crying out in pain I'm very jealous of the dignity the women are all afforded.

Why did they send that women home when she was 4 cm dialated?

I don't know - that was interesting. But then she went home when it was dark and wasn't back till some time in the next day so it was a god call really. She certainly wasn't going to progress any faster in the hosital than at home.

Why did they send that lady home when she was 4cm dialted.

Because dilation isn't any indication of time til birth.

Which begs the question about what the point of VEs is.

Perhaps also she was only 3cm really, but the MW was trying to be encouraging given her obvious dependency on the answer.

Another reason for refusing VEs imo.

Had her contractions stopped?

Maybe she wanted a more hands-on, vocally supportive partner than someone sat reading a book in a corner?

She seemed to have low confidence and was begging 'Help me!' when she was in the pool.

Perhaps she didn't want a 'quiet' birth.

Fair enough. It is at least possible that she wanted S&M and manhandling at the critical stage!

NorthernLurker - very interesting and insightful post re: heart Mum.

'It is at least possible that she wanted S&M and manhandling at the critical stage!'

Thanks for the judgement, StartingAfresh.

I was one of those people who wanted vocal encouragement and if someone had been there to get it out, I'd have been happy with that, too. In fact, I was. Twice.

People handle it in different ways, it's not on to make judgements about it, but some think it is, I guess.

Meh.

Maybe this is just armchair phsycology but they did seem to have very defined "roles" with birthpool dad being the Protective and almost paternal whilst she was very childlike/helpless/needy

She also spoke about her dad passing away so maybe this dynamic works for them.Each to their own.Every relationship's different.

And I'm not judging them,I get the impression they would play out these roles in everyday life anyway,but being in labour may magnify this.

hmmmm, I dont judge anyone. If it makes it easier for a woman in labour then bellow like a cow for all I care, but some of us dont.

Because I wasnt very vocal I was sent home from hospital when I was 6cms because they didnt believe I was in labour!!!!!

I dont like being touched, hugged etc when I am ill or in pain and I was no different in labour. Dh held me hand when asked and that was fine for me. He also held me in a squat position when I gave birth.

If he had tried to hug me I think I may have punched him tbh

Re: heart mum...I aree with you northernlurker but it doesnt make me warm to her any more...sorry.