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Original poster

Panorama: Britains missing dads

49 replies

sevendwarves · 17/01/2011 20:52

I was starting to think how nice it was to see something not showing single mothers in a bad light, until it basically said that the benefits system is an incentive for young mothers to stay single.

WTF? Surely single mums don't just choose to split up with their DC's dads for the extra benefits they can claim?!

OP posts:
Portofino · 17/01/2011 20:54

I think they made the point that the mother is some cases get more money when she is on her own. I believe (from what i have seen on MN) that this can be true.

Original poster
sevendwarves · 17/01/2011 20:57

I understand that it can be the case but it's hardly an incentive for couples to split up and the mother to choose to be single is it?

Sad that it is the case though

OP posts:
MrsVidic · 17/01/2011 20:58

i think its playing mums in a positive light and also saying what a joke the system is. Which it is. I think its good the house looked awful, and she did it up nice.

Violethill · 17/01/2011 20:58

From what I'm watching, the young parents THEMSELVES are saying they are financially better off living apart so I don't see why anyone is trying to deny it!

MrsVidic · 17/01/2011 20:59

i think its playing mums in a positive light and also saying what a joke the system is. Which it is. I think its good the house looked awful, and she did it up nice.

Imarriedafrog · 17/01/2011 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ronshar · 17/01/2011 21:03

I think that saying its an incentive to break up is not quite right.
I think it makes it easier not to stay together in the first place.
If you are finacially better off not to move your partner in when you get pregnant then you wont! This is what causes many women to end up alone.
If you tell a man you dont need them, they will bugger off and find someone who does!

The programme is doing a good job of showing some off the other causes of single parenthood.

Keith Macdonald show be given the contraceptive injection.

Portofino · 17/01/2011 21:05

Keith should have his willy chopped off....

gaelicsheep · 17/01/2011 21:09

How many different men had fathered that woman's children? It's not only the men at fault. Although I have to agree about that Keith character.

Original poster
sevendwarves · 17/01/2011 21:10

I agree there portofino!

There is a guy I went to school with who has 4 kids by 3 women and he's only 24 and openly boasts like it's a great achievement. I fear he may end up the same way!

OP posts:
CabbagefromaBaby · 17/01/2011 21:15

'If you are finacially better off not to move your partner in when you get pregnant then you wont!'

seriously? Have you been in that situation yourself?

ronshar · 17/01/2011 21:25

No because every time I have been pregnant it has been with my loving partner and husband who I know wont leave me in the shite with a baby.
However the girls and boys on the programme very openly admitted to doing just that.

No the answer to your question is no I haven't been in that situation but if I was that stupid then I would probably consider it.

BelleDeCinsault · 17/01/2011 21:35

Funny, that program actually made me think about doing what my mother did and finding a suitable man to be my DS' father.

I don't think I could be that mercenary about it though she admits that is what she did when my father proved to be a feckless alcoholic. My step dad is a man to look up to.

I do worry what effect the lack of male influence in DS' life will have on him.

Btw I work so we are not supported by taxpayers. I wish I didn't feel the need to state that.

CabbagefromaBaby · 18/01/2011 07:09

Ronshar I'm appalled at what you just posted.

That's really coloured my opinion of you. How bl**dy nasty. Angry

CabbagefromaBaby · 18/01/2011 07:14

To go back to the point I was trying to make, and having been in a situation where I was not living with my child's father, I would have given EVERYTHING to have him move in.

You truly have no concept of how difficult it is to manage alone with a baby, let alone to be apart from its father when you love him and want him with you fairly desperately.

From your posts you clearly have no empathy or compassion, only a smug sense of superiority...I hope to goodness that your posts don't describe your character accurately.

There are all sorts of reasons why a family may not be able to live together. But you narrowmindedly call everyone in that position 'stupid'.

I'm giving you the chance to explain yourself but if you decline to I will not be well placed to think kindly of you.

hattymattie · 18/01/2011 08:35

I get the impression that the girls are a bit naive (not stupid) but very young and longing for a family set up. Some of the men seem to be like ahem - old Tom Cats and should be delt with accordingly!

hattymattie · 18/01/2011 08:36

"dealt" not delt.

BertieBotts · 18/01/2011 09:19

Hmm, I think I might watch this, sounds interesting.

Yes generally you would be better off living alone than living with a partner, but surely if your partner is helpful, loving and supportive that outweighs any financial differences. Being a single parent does incur extra expense, like for example I'm studying at the moment and have to pay for DS' childcare. If at some point in the future my partner was to move in then I could switch to doing evening classes for my course rather than those during the day, as I would have someone around to look after DS.

If your partner isn't helpful, loving, and supportive, then perhaps it's a good thing that they aren't encouraged to move in.

Original poster
sevendwarves · 18/01/2011 11:52

Ronshar - are all single mothers stupid or just the ones on the programme?

OP posts:
Bramshott · 18/01/2011 11:55

Didn't watch the programme, but I think generally it would be better if there was MUCH more social stigma associated to a father not supporting their children, at least financially, if not practically/emotionally.

TwoIfBySea · 18/01/2011 12:19

Wish I'd seen this.

As with the fact that in media speak low income means benefits, single parent means the type who has children without thought or care for the family structure they are brought up in.

I can say this as a single mother who had a marriage breakdown but who gets sideways glances when I mention I am a single mother from people who don't know me. I can also say this as a single mother who doesn't get a penny of child maintenance from the piece of crap I was married to for nine years.

I also used to live in an area where a set of flats across from me had a revolving door of young women, baby and no proper father around. Oh yes the boys who had donated the sperm for the children were there, usually drunk and having a carry on. The girls didn't seem to have enough self esteem to realise that not only were babies not toys but that they should value themselves more than just sleeping around with anyone. It is a vicious circle and another one that no one wants to tackle.

cantgetlaidingermany · 18/01/2011 12:27

Keith mcdonald...there are no words really are there? he has no clue

Journey · 18/01/2011 12:31

I can't believe how much money single mums get. You could tell from the women's expressions on the programme that they know it is cushy. They must be laughing at the benefits system. The benefits system should favour married couples with children.

WhyHavePets · 18/01/2011 12:39

Journey, that is the biggest load of mysogonist claptrap.

Op, you quote the prog as saying it is an insentive for single mothers to stay single but then go on about them kicking out their partners... that is not the same thing at all! What they are saying is that, if a mother is single and on benefits there is no incentive for her to move in a new partner as she will be worse off not that she will kick out a current partner (as she would not be single then would she).

However, a lot of the problem is more based around how money is viewed in relationships, the gov/benefits feel that, if you move in together, any money earned or from benefits is joint and is used for supporting the dc. However a lot of people in reality feel that a new working partner should not have to give up his income to support a family that is not his and that the state should continue to fund it until the mother can/will work. IMO this is the problem more than aything else.

Bramshott · 18/01/2011 12:40

What about widows Journey? After all, they are single mums Hmm.

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