49 Up - Missing character & Fave character

[Mojomummy]

There were 14 children when this started & my friend & I can only remember 13 - who's missing ?

Friend thinks Neil had a pal with blonde hair, but we can't remember anything about him...any clues ?

And...who's your fave & why ?

No, you're right Tinker, and he did actually say that his relationship with his mother had always been troubled, and his relationship with his father had got worse as he got older.

Scummy, you've made me all sad for Paul now!

I think Neil's made no bones about having a very difficult relationship with his mother.

Phew

Message withdrawn

But you wonder what is "difficult" don't you? His "difficult" may be our normal.

Nooo Tinker, don't say that. I know though, something went badly wrong but it's really not clear that it could have been avoided by good parenting. I do remember how incredibly depressed he seemed at not having got in to Oxford; maybe being on this program regularly makes people feel much more pressure to achieve than they would otherwise?

And some people are biologically prone to depression anyway no matter what happens. Maybe Neil's just found a way of controlling it and as a Christian I think it's his faith.

That's what I mean really tamum. His ill health may have either affected the parenting or been triggered by the parenting. If susceptible to mental health problems he may see his relationship as difficult, if not may not see it like that.

One handed typing hence unclear posts.

I think that must be true, tamum. Quite a few seemed really resentful of the intrusion, I thought. I wonder what the child of our time kids will feel about the whole thing in later years?

It's amazingly hard to untangle biological and social factors in mental illness.

Sorry if it came across as harsh of me when I said that Neil is wasting his life. I can see that he has done some very worthy things. But please allow me to say, I sincerely pray that none of my children end up as he is, or perhaps I should say, as he was, wandering aimlessly, mental health problems, physical health problems at a relatively young age, living off the state (no offence to anyone on benefits although I daresay some offence will be taken), not in a relationship, rocking himself obsessively when 35. He is clearly such a bright, thoughtful, caring person. I am sure his lie could have been very different.

BTW, I think it is clear that most of those watching the 7 up series like Neil the most. He interests most of us th most too. That is why, when the new series was mentioned in the papers, the focus was on Neil, and why Neil was shown at the end of the programme: they always save the most interesting story till the end.

Agree Scummy, I can't help feeling the blitheness of Neil at seven does not indicate a catastrophic EARLY family life. No expert, but I thought that late teens/early 20s was a peak time for biological factors in mental illness to make themselves apparent, and he was clearly ill at 21.
I'm just glad for him that he can take pleasure in the butterfly and the view from his window and also agree this is a far from wasted life. I do wonder what might have happened to him if he wasn't involved in the programme though...rather like some of the parents in Child of our Time, I would imagine that behind the scenes relationships have formed between Apted and Co and Neil. The programme might just have been the saving of Neil.
Lynn has done 20 years in that job, and her workplace is being shut down around her. On a personal level and on a professional one (deskilling of public library services) I can understand why she looks hacked off

Marina,that is an interesting point.A documentary maker wrote very movingly a few years ago of making a film about a young homeless girl who,long after the programme went out,continued to call her,ask her for money,name her as next of kin when she was arrested and so on.

She felt everything you can imagine-guilt,sadness,irritation,annoyance.

I want to read that new book, 'Stewart:A life backwards' (I think) written by a bloke who befriended and documented the life of another homeless chap who has since died.

It's a very delicate situation.

I still haven't seen either of these new programmes but I still vividly remember Neil's sweetness from the very start and I think it's fair to say he was fairly high on the Fotherington-Tomas scale of boys...

I think he'd have been ok Marina - he had a even year gap between each one - plenty of time to crack up completely if he was going to.

The more north he went - the more it looked like he was trying escape something.

Yes, in fact he had real practical help that resulted from being in the program, didn't he, because Bruce gave him somewhere to live when he was at his lowest ebb.

That was nice of Bruce. I wanted to like Bruce more actually but found him somehow irritating. Another one who seemed pretty damaged by childhood though.

Typical Bruce I'd have thought tamum.
That is such an interesting point about trying to disappear off the UK map JoolsToo...I so hope we see him at peace still in lovely Cumbria in the next programme.

Scummy did you see all of the programmes on Bruce previously? The extended footage of him at 28 and 35 more than made up for the rather astonishing hop into his current existence, I thought.

Nick is my favourite, such a lovely little boy stomping around the Yorkshire Dales. Have a feeling he wishes he was still back there...

Scary line in wives though Bettys

Yes, I have to admit to feeling slightly disappointed in Bruce this time; very churlish, because I wouldn't have done any of the near-holy things he's done in his life. He just didn't seem to have the same burning sense of injustice now. On the other hand he was clearly finding life with two small children somewhat knackering, which I think we can all relate to

JoolsToo, that actually very interesting about geography- when Neil was at his worst he was in the Shetlands, and now he's made it down as far as Cumbria (I know the stint in London doesn't fit, but still....)

No- I've definitely missed some of Bruce i think. He did looke a lot nicer in the earlier footage they showed. I did want to like him, as I said, but he seemed all sleek and smooth and like he'd sold out a bit. That's really judgemental and crap of me isn't it? If he's happy that's the main thing.

Absolutely agree re the wives Marina! He needs a proper Yorkshire woman.

Was so happy Bruce married and had children. Think it was very poignant when he talked about the water wearing away the stone. He tried for so long to help disadvantaged children, but just got demoralised in the end.

Oh thanks tamum- that's a much better way of putting it.