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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What would cause this??

35 replies

GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 21:46

DD is almost 14. always been a little strong willed/argumentative and just hard work. since she was 2 i guess. but she's also kind,caring and likes to get involved. she's not a girly girl...loves adventures etc..

however,roughly 6 weeks ago she changed completely. alot more shouty,rough and saying what she thinks with no regard for others feelings. being rude about teachers. not caring what i thought. she also began to be in trouble in school. she has been on red card report in school for 3 weeks with little improvement....head of year called me in and asked what i thought was going on with her. she had no previous trouble in school til this point.

all i could offer was that she had recently started her periods. this is all i could think of. but her behaviour doesnt coincide with her cycle in any way.

head of year frightened me by mentioning bi polar illness. dd herself has now recognised she has a problem,as have her friends. her friends have mentioned adhd which she has googled,and now thinks she has!!

any ideas?

OP posts:
luciemule · 20/06/2010 21:50

Why don't you get her a hormone test to see how high her levels are - it could be that they are really abnormal at the moment and this could be why she's so differently behaved.
It's the kind of test I thin kthat you would have if she had started her periods very early etc.

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 21:53

oh right...not heard of this. its all very 'strong' behaviour,very hard for me to describe. but she's become downright nasty.

i was thinking of a trip to the docs.

OP posts:
hitmouse · 20/06/2010 21:55

Not very helpful of the head of year to suggest bi polar illness! Was that just based on 6 weeks of bad behaviour? Is he or she a qualified psychiatrist?
My 14 yr old son did a very similar thing when he got in with a new lot of friends. They were rebellious and also bullies so he was trying to be like them but also feeling crap about himself because they were picking on him.
He took it all out on us and his schoolwork suffered as he was trying to be cool and not work. Has she changed friends recently? Or maybe it's to do with hormonal changes?

ThatVikRinA22 · 20/06/2010 21:56

dont underestimate those teenage hormones. and yes it can just kick in all of a sudden. id be really really wary of self diagnosing something as potentially serious as bi polar - has big ramifications for her - id not guess at something like that.

take her to see a kindly gp who can do a blood test.

scurryfunge · 20/06/2010 21:57

The Head of Year had no right to suggest bi polar illness...very unprofessional...take her to the doctor but she sounds like an ordinary teen pushing the boundaries.

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 21:59

yes,she changed as soon as her periods started...they arent too regular atm,but this is when i pinpointed it to. could be a coincidence...

head of year scared me,but he said that this is a n age when its common to see the beginning of this illness? dd's father has mental health issues,a psychiatrist says he has a personality disorder..we have no contact with him at all

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 20/06/2010 22:01

your speculating about bi polar when it could just be perfectly normal teen hormones raging. why not just go to see a doctor?

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 22:03

i feel its more than 'normal' teenage boundaries really. you may be right scurry,but i know lots of teens. its like she's changed overnight.

from a good pupil to 3 weeks on report. and the report showed very little good behaviour. being sent out,disruptive,refusal to work....after half term she started in year 10,so her gcse work. some improvement,but this weekend has been bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 22:04

i would never have thought bi polar untill he mentioned it...i was shocked

OP posts:
luciemule · 20/06/2010 22:04

It is completely wrong of the head of year to say that; they don't have evidence to base it on and diagnosing bi-polar isn't easy. Go to the GP and get a blood test and then you'll have more to go on. I'm sure (as her cycle isn't regular) it will just be hormones. Try not to worry

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 22:07

thanks lucie.....i will take her tomorrow.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 20/06/2010 22:07

I think you will only be reassured once you visit a doctor.

Is there anything else going on in her life? Anything that may have upset her...relationship/frienship stuff?

BecauseImWorthIt · 20/06/2010 22:10

That's a dreadful thing for anyone who isn't medically qualified to suggest.

I would say that you need to see your GP, but it might be worth seeing if you can have a chat with him/her first, before you take your DD. It might be better that you can talk freely without having her listen to you talk about her, IYSWIM.

It's a hard time, with all those hormones swilling around - and also a difficult time at school, I think. DS2 had an emotionally challenging time at the same age (although obviously we didn't have the complication of periods!)

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 22:12

no,nothing i can tell. she tells me alot of stuff,things have happened since this all started. two of her good friends have said they don't like her behaviour in school,so are backing off a little. another of her friends has just lost her mum. so she has been helping her with this. but this is all after she started being this way.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 20/06/2010 22:13

My advice would be to start her on evening primose oil, starflower oil and vit b complex to help with her cycle/hormones.

I had horrendous mood swings as a teenager and unfortunately dd1 seems to be the same - as high as a kite and then so low has sometimes self harmed (mildly fortunately) I have had times in my life where I was terrified I was bi polar and I felt so manic but I'm not.

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 22:18

cargirl.....i can't even say its 'moods'....its a constant. its really scared me how its taken hold like this. i had none of this with her older sister,and i know i shouldnt compare,but its really taken me by surprise. and her teachers it would seem too.

OP posts:
VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 20/06/2010 22:19

My middle daughter has been very difficult since periods started. She is aggressive, confrontational and I knew her period was due (first one) because of the change in her behaviour (from sweet girl to downright psychopathic)

It's really tough but I assume it's hormones because she does have weeks when I don't fear her...

luciemule · 20/06/2010 22:26

I'm really worried that dd (8) is starting adolescence - her behaviour mirrors all of the above but I can't believe she's so young.
Scary thought but she is angelic, sweet kissy, cute dd, then she is maniac 'teenager' who whacks me at every given opportunity and calls me a 'fat old hag'. It's not normal and I too am considering a blood test for her.

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 22:52

its scary lucie...the sudden change.

so what will a hormone test reveal? a high level of something i assume...is here anything that can be done if its higher than what should be normal?

OP posts:
luciemule · 20/06/2010 22:59

Not sure if it's higher but I guess then they could prescribe something like star anise/b vit complex etc to combat. Not sure and I'm only suggesting it could be that. Wait until you find out.

Mermaidspam · 20/06/2010 23:07

Reading your OP, my first 3 thoughts were

  • bullying
  • drugs
  • ADHD

I would have thought that the ADHD would have been noticeable before now though, so would agree with the hormone test.

cory · 20/06/2010 23:17

My first thought was bullying. Second something else that has happened that has upset her (boyfriend? falling out with friends? mixed up in something she regrets?). Third thought hormones.

But the sudden change would suggest to me that something has happened.

Seriously, there are so many things that could be upsetting a 14yo before you need to start thinking about mental illness.

I would do a bit of gentle probing before I took her to a doctor.

Original poster
GypsyMoth · 20/06/2010 23:22

yes,have spoken with her...nothing like bullying. her sister is in same school so would maybe know. oh,i dont know,cant rule out anything can i! will still do hormone est/gp visit.

its something which she's searched for. internet history has shown searches for 'how o behave in school'etc,she's googled it herself for an answer...

OP posts:
KickArseQueen · 20/06/2010 23:38

Is it possible that your dd is actually behaving like this partly because of the hormones, but partly because she's been helping her friend whose mum has died and then suddenly had her periods have started and everything seems to be changing, the world suddenly feeling like a place of unknown things? and uncertainties? 7 year olds can act horrendously when they have a big thing they are trying to come to terms with, when they begin to comprehend death for example, teens can do the same when they suddenly realise they are growing up.

mathanxiety · 20/06/2010 23:46

Take a look at this site on personality disorders, but have her assessed if you think it resonates -- armchair psychology will do no-one any good. And that goes for the head teacher's remark too.

It's probably hormones, but sometimes things that have gone underground or that have been relatively manageable pop back up again in full force during the hormonal roller coaster of the teen years. How much contact has her father had with her throughout her life? Maybe she would benefit from behavioural therapy, seeing as how she's been googling 'how to behave in school' (the poor wee girl...) -- she has good intentions that are maybe going awry, maybe an impulsivness issue.

I would try to draw her out about friends and any drama there, maybe about sexuality, sexual harassment, drugs or drinking, perceived slights on the part of teachers, whether she's bored in school.

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