Give me some perspective please - DD (16.5) wants to go on the pill. WWYD?

[SmellsLikeTeenSweat]

Her father would hit the roof if I told him. Anyway, she & her bf have been together almost two years, amazingly, and have been 'intimate' I think for around 18 months. (I found a condom in her room)

He's a nice lad, they seem devoted to each other, she says that her mates without bf are out on the pull all the time. All well & good, we had a few Talks & she seemed happy.

But twice now she's asked me if she can go on the Pill, presumably to make things easier/less hassle.

The logic part of my brain says Yes, but my heart says NOOOOOooooooo! Pretend this isn't happening!

What do you reckon?

Be thankful that your DD feels close enough to you to talk about her sexuality. Of course you should let her. It just shows that she's very mature and aware.

They are having sex anyway, so what's a difference?

She doesn't need your permission legally; she is asking for your understanding. She sounds very mature and I don't think you can do anything other than congratulate her on being so responsible.

Would you prefer she got pregnant?

The obvious answer is yes, but she should continue using condoms as well, to protect from possible diseases and as a double-whammy against pregnancy.

You should be happy she's asked you - I personally would have just gone ahead and done it at her age.

So you know she is in a long term relationship.
You know she is having sex and using condoms.
But you don't want her to go on pill?

So where is the logic???

(I know it is hard to apply logic when it is your baby doing this! But she is being sensible.)

my friend pretended this wasn't happening and her DD became a Mum at 16 .... Your DD is acting like a responsible grown-up - and she doesn't really need your permission anyway.

I'd go with her to the doc's and be proud of her for her maturity. I was about the same age when I told my mum I wanted to go on the pill. It might not feel like it, but this is a Good Thing. She's taking responsibility for her own body, and being very honest with you about it. You must have a wonderful relationship

I agree. Let her. It's good you have a relationship where she feels she can tell you these things. You're lucky.

Thank you all. BudaisintheZONE - there is no logic.

I suppose I'm ancient a bit older than most MNers & can remember the Victoria Gillick case when there was such a hoo-ha at a 16yr old going on the Pill (without her mum's permission, in this case).

I suppose it's (once again) to do with upbringing - I'm fighting the prejudices I was instilled with - young girl having sex = Bad Person

You can't stop her really, and it's great that she's able to talk to you about it. However, and it's a huge however, the pill only stops pregnancy, not STI's and for that reason I'd be having a huge talk to her about the need to continue with the condoms and whether the BF is perhaps putting pressure on her to stop using them.

ILoveGH - I've had a lot of help from MN!

Maisie - I hadn't thought of that. But I think she wears the trousers!

There's no 'let her' about it is there? But I took my Mum with me as a teen and was glad she supported me.

I went on the pill in order to have safe sex with my boyfriend. We have been together 12 years now, married for 5 and have a small dd. It was nothing to do with bad/good and everything to do with rational, sensible behaviour.

She sounds like a lovely, responsbile and happy girl. You've obviously done well.

I have a 16 year old dd. I'd be off with her to the GP asap - but agree with Maisie about the condom thing.

I took my 16 year old DD to family planning when she asked me the same question. She is now married to the boy (man now ) and they are expecting their first child. ( they are now 29 ) Support your young woman who is being farsighted and sensible.
I did tell DH who blustered a bit but we were 17 when we got together 39 years ago and he had to accept his little girl was grown up.

Why not prevent STIs - no point in going for a checkup after the event. Who would wish chlamydia or worse on their 16 year old daughter?

Absolutely - which is why it's so important to emphasise that the pill will only prevent pregnancy, but condoms are there to prevent pregnancy and STIs. There's a very real danger of young people who are in (relatively) long term relationships thinking that condoms are not really necessary in terms of safe sex, and falling back on the pill because they've only slept with each other in the last year or whatever.

The STI thing (and everything else to do with 'teen health') gets rammed down their throats at school and Youth Club. We've had family chats (I've got twins) when stuff about eg AIDS comes on TV & they are very well-informed. DD has also recently had the anti-cervical cancer jab so there's been discussion around that too.

Just for info for those of you whose dch are younger, a TA friend has taken part in Sex Ed lessons where 13yr olds are taught how to 'pleasure each other' (shudder) without going 'all the way' and I suppose that I had kind of hoped that that was what DD & bf were doing, and that the condom was a one-off

So the 'Can I go on the Pill, Mum?' kind of blew my innocence on that one.

Trumpton, yes, DH will have to accept it!

SoH, it's really kind of you to say that. Much appreciated. We all need a bit of a pat on the back sometimes, eh? Being a parent can be a bloody headache when they are at any age!

Are they really giving 'pleasure each other' lessons ? OMG I too am shuddering - also an older mother who grew up in an era when 'nice' girls didn't have sex. Ho hum.

But with a sexually active teenage daughter (in a long term relationship) I have had to give up my prejudices and accept that it is how it is and go with the flow. Just shows we are never too old to learn or to change our perceptions.

I would say you're happy for her to investigate contraception, take her somewhere like Brook, insist she and her BF have STI checks (regularly) and let them help her.

Do point out the risks of the pill (not just STIs but also what happens if you're on antibiotics, have a gastro bug, breast cancer, messing with your hormones) because that's something GPs are not particularly good at doing.

She's entitled to do it without your permission so I'd be supportive and let her know that if there are any problems she can come to you. I suffered horribly on the pill but couldn't tell my mother because she didn't know I was on it

DD1 is 14.5 now, just started the boyfriend route. We do have fairly open conversations about sex etc and I'd like to think she'd be able to talk to me like you're dd has but I'm honest enough to know I'd be a bit too . There's been some really good advice here and I'm going to bookmark it for the future