Teen sex. Are you good cop or bad cop? Come share.....

[TiggyR]

Following much discussion in an AIBU thread about this subject:

31/5 I know I am NBU, please confirm, DSS and girlfriend!!!! (sorry can't do a proper link

We hijacked mercilessly, I'm afraid and as a result it has been bestowed upon me the job of creating a dedicated thread for in-depth discussion.

If you know you teen is having a sexual relationship what is your stance about it happening under your roof' as it were?

Sorry, can't be bothered to retype all my thoughts/experiences on this right now, but they can be found on the other thread!

Roll up, roll up, be brave....

[marriednotdead]

Thanks Tiggy. Know we did our best but it's still so hard to watch it unravelling
My own dcs are doing great, and although I can't take all the credit, I know if I'd been able to take him on when he was younger, things would be very different.
Too many parents want to be friends with their dcs, but that bit comes so much later, and can never be totally that.

[mercibien]

Interesting thread, FWIW i recognised that my DD and her then bf were getting 'closer,' and wanted to prevent an unplanned pg.

I suggested we visit the GP together just after her 16th birthday and she went on the pill.We also discussed the emotional impact of having a sexual relationship, and the fall out when you split up

Her bf did stay over, and I assume they slept together.A few months later they split up and she was heart broken.

When she started seeing her current BF she sorted out her own contraception, and they are still together, 2 years on

She is very sensible and mature in her outlook, and our view as parents is that she owns her sexuality as much as we own ours, and in the same way that I would not want her to pry into ours,we will not pry into hers.

My view is keep it safe, and make it happy.

I am so much happier that she has one steady bf than a string of encounters, and if that means she is confident to have her bf here, then what harm is being done?

[sunnydelight]

Oh, this is a really timely thread for me, can I join in?

DS1 (17 next month) told me a few days ago that himself and his girlfriend of 18 months (she turned 16 a few months back) are sexually active. I'm pleased he told me, I'm glad he'd having his first experience with a really nice girl that he loves, but I'm not sure where to go from here. She has never stayed over here; DS stays there every second weekend or so but in the spare room far away from her room. He says her parents don't know. We had the talk about contraception, responsibility, "doing the right thing" etc. I even found myself telling him that I would rather provide condoms for him than have him go without - I never thought I'd hear that coming out of my mouth!

They spend time alone here which her parents are aware of. I guess we just continue on knowing that if the house is empty they are probably making the most of it. I don't like the fact that her mum doesn't know, but it's certainly not my place to tell. I know her parents really like DS. Don't know why I'm rabbiting on really but it's a relief to be able to talk about it somewhere!

[GetOrfMoiLand]

I think that I would probably prefer DD to have sex in the comfort of her own home rather than have to find somewhere else to do it.

She is 14, and has had a close relationship with a boyfriend for about 8 months now. They don't see each other very much - they go to different schools, and see each other twice in the week (at air cadets) and may see each other at the weekend, however they are both busy with other things. When he comes over for dinner they go into her bedroom and shut the door. I am happy with that - as far as I am concerned she deserves a bit of privacy - however I always somehow manage to find some housework to do near her bedroom - to make some inhibiting sounding dusting noises!

I have spoken to DD and she tells me that she kisses her boyfriend, but they don't want to have sex yet. I may sound naive but I trust that she is telling the truth. Looking back although I was a horny little devil at her age, and thiought about boys all the time, I felt very strongly that I didn't want to be one of the girls who had sex underage, and waited until I was 16.

[TiggyR]

I heard on the radio that any teenager can walk into Boots (amongst other places) and get for them for free, no questions asked. I occasionally buy some and just leave them in DS1's drawer (paranoid about him running out) and don't really want him to have to spend his own money on them, as they are expensive. Or worse still, NOT spend his money on them!

I told both my DS's about the Boots thing, and the drop-in centre in our town, and they just rolled their eyes and said 'Yeah Mum, everyone has known that like forever. Duh!'

A friend of mine who is a real no-nonsense type actually gave her son a girlie magazine, some condoms, and did a roll-on roll-off demonstration on a courgette, before packing him off to his room (alone) to practice.

Beyond the call of duty for me, that one!

[TheFutureMrsClooney]

LOL Tiggy, can you imagine what a passion killer that must be - everytime picturing his mum and her courgette

[TiggyR]

Didn't think of it like that! I was too busy thinking about how I would feel in her shoes, never mind how he would feel, poor kid!