Where do your young teenagers hang out on a date?

[mysteryfairy]

DS1 is 14 and goes to an all boys school over 15 miles away from us. He hooks up with girls from the equivalent girls school. We want him to have a social life and we chose where he went to school so to a certain extent we have bitten the bullet re lots of driving for us and rather expensive jaunts, mostly cinema plus eating in cheap chain, as the schools' intakes are spread across the whole county so any girl he gets together with doesn't tend to be immediately local to us.

He has changed girlfriends during the course of this week which I am a bit about but my mum commented it is better than him getting really close to anyone at his age, which is true I guess. Now he is planning a cinema trip with the new girlfriend this afternoon. There is literally nothing left has he hasn't seen except for very childish films and ones that have a 15 certificate. I am feeling a bit fed up at funding a second or third viewing of the same film but I can't think of anywhere else to suggest they should go.

I did suggest I would drive them to a local leisure centre with swimming pool, slides etc but that suggestion has been met with total disgust.

Any other good ideas?

Thanks Jamie - I will see if there is any mileage in baby sitting. He is quite good with little ones - he is the oldest grandson on both sides and has 27 younger cousins! He only turned 14 in December though so my gut is that people will think he is a bit young.

Yes also can't imagine that there are many jobs which a 14 year old could have. really wouldn't want DD to do a paper round in a city centre, and think most parents would want babysitters to be a bit older than 14. For instance my SIL would not allow DD to look after my nieces (aged 5 and 7) til she was 16.

DD is looking forward to the day when she can get a pt job in Waitrose (becauase all the boys which work there are 'really fit'

mystery
We have the same problem with our DC (now 16 and 17), travelling miles into school - leaving home at 7.20 and returning at 7 pm. Makes for a very long day!
We have found that both find it easier to work in their holidays - DS has done labouring work from time to time, and DD has helped with cover in the office.
As far as dates are concerned - shopping always seems to be a winner, possibly because their local town is undercover. Also local sports matches etc.
I know what you mean about being an endless taxi! Worth it though - DS now drives, and we seem to have lost a lot of control!
Socialising is so important, and I have always done everything I can to encourage it, so see exactly where you're coming from.

Opium den? Quite romantic, don'tya know!

Yes, like everyone else I would expect him to pay for his outings w/earnings from a job, or at least do chores around the house to earn allowance.

I think a 14 yr old is old enough to think hard and come up with his own outing suggestions. My role as mum is just to say yes or no.

What about underage discos? None of them round your way?

The schools have joint termly discos which he attends (ironically of course). I've seen about under 18 discos in the media but never registered any near us and DS has definitely never asked. He goes to the odd gig but so far that has not been a with girls thing and has quite often involved DH attending too.

He is quite happy to just keep going to the cinema. It was me who was fed up of forking out for him to watch the same films over and over and was trying to instigate some change.

They went to see that film with Hugh Grant and SJ Parker last night which I hadn't noticed was on. Things must be getting desperate if DS sat through that. Either that or he didn't notice the film, eek.

Do they need to go anywhere? Why can't they just sit by the river go for a bike ride and indulge in some mutual masturbation bird watching like we used to?

Is there anywhere he could work for a charity - or volunteer in the local parish / meals on wheels?
Not all activities teens do should be about amusing themselves - they need to learn how to contribute to the community also. It's a pity that his school is so far away, but there must be local groups within the community you now live that need a strapping 14/5 yo to put in a few hours.

He could do some gardening jobs for neighbours on the weekends.

And as a (perhaps very) naive mother of a 5yo!!! (just you wait, eh?) can someone please tell me what's wrong with having a bf or gf come round to yours to have snogs / nookie in your DC's bedroom? I'd far prefer that to them having nookie somewhere grim / outside where they might feel vulnerable or not have access to condoms etc.

My Dh could take a bus train and boat at 15 and regularly traveled to another country to see and sleep with his gf when he was 15. He had a job to earn his money. His brother used to cycle 20 miles to see his gf - they lived very rurally, but they had a social life they organised themselves. They would have been mortified to disrupt a younger sibs routine just cos they couldn't organise themselves.

It's only a few years till your DS will be leaving home for uni? - surely you don't want him to be bewildered and useless at looking after himself? he needs to know how to look up a bus / train timetable, and how to buy a ticket.

Looking after the house and doing chores is part of his education - he needs to know how to operate the machines in the utility room!!! And he needs to know why he needs to operate them daily, not just a once off! Do you think it might be time for a review of your work flow regime at home - get a schedule up.

If your DS isn't contributing to the household budget I'd expect him to do his fair share of the chores running the house - and not reluctantly either. Does he know what a utility bill looks like?

You need to prepare him to leave home, and be able to look after himself. Think of his GF and wife in the future - are you doing her / them any favours by picking him up and picking up after him now?

Letting him see the same old same old in the cinema sounds like he'd just be better off snogging / making out in his / her own room... cheaper too, and nicer for the gf, he can make her a nice cuppa!

And what better way to get to know his community than volunteering locally - with or without the gf as well.

Blimey.

Can't they just go for a walk and share a Twix?

Couldn't he cycle, if not both ways then maybe one way? Much more freedom for him.

"To add to cinema ad nauseam which is what he is currently doing I have sbowling, iceskating, town, cafe, socialising at each others houses, congerating outside and I am very grateful for all those suggestions. If anyone does have any great suggestions to add I am still very much in the market for more"

What more do you want? Scuba diving? Bungie jumping? White water rafting? He's 14 FGS!

"I have just collected him with poor 8 yr old DD in car saying she really wanted to go to bed, so I have told him next weekend one outing and day time only. He has just reminded me he is already paintballing all day on Saturday but thinks he will go to town with GF on Sunday."

Blimey. I bet you will take him as well. He is 14. You have other children whose weekends are just as precious. As is yours. It is OK to say no to him.

They can always MSN each other....

I was in a similar situation as a kid, no transport to get myself to see my friends or to a town. It really sucked. I felt guilty when my mum gave me lifts even though this was rare. I chose to board for sixth form which was great and solved the problems. Is moving house or boarding school an option? If not then I think you work out a compromise - driving him around is crap for you, but being dependant on you for transport is crap for him. I really feel sorry for teens isolated in rural villages, it was a lonely and frustrating experience for me.

Tell him to write love letters instead of seeing his gf

We're 5 miles away from ds's school and lots of his friends are 5 miles the other way.

I still do a lot of taxi driving but this is reduced by:

1. On Saturday morning when he goes rowing he gets a taxi at 7.30 so we still get a lie in (£10 a go, reduced as it's a weekly thing)

1. He gets a train from the nearest town to the next one on (where most of his friends live). If he's going at an unreasonable hour he gets a taxi to the station then.

It is obviously quite expensive over the year, but tbh my Saturday and Sunday mornings snogging and chatting in bed till 11am are a priority.

DS is planning his Valentine Day date with the GF. They are going to take a picnic to a country park and snog behind the trees feed the ducks.