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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenage boy & sexual pictures on Facebook

55 replies

wheresmybook · 09/11/2009 17:57

This is my first posting and I don't know the conventions here - may even be posting this in the wrong place.
Multiple things going wrong in my relationship with 15 year old son, but would like ideas from others about what they think about kids posting sexually quite explicit (grabbing, kids stripped to underwear etc etc) photos on FB. Especially when the kids have been round at my house and in son's bedroom with the door closed.
He is furious with me for asking him to take the photos off FB, "What do you know?" and refuses to do anything about it. I'd tried to have a rational discussion about how images can be saved and used, but he knows best.
I'm thinking about stopping kids coming round unless he keeps his door open, but then he'll only go elsewhere. But I also feel concerned about what other parents might think if they see the photos too.
I'm not trying to stiop him/them being sexual - I'm realistic and remember myself at 15. But we didn't have the internet then.
Add this to the general mix of not working much at school and challenging every boundary I set, and life's not much fun at the moment.
Sorry - ranting here. But I'd welcome others' viewpoints.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 09/11/2009 18:00

take his pc off him, until he can learn to respect your wishes and until he grows up

your house, your rules

as I've said a million times...FB = work of the devil

cocolepew · 09/11/2009 18:03

What fucker said.

ADifferentMe · 09/11/2009 18:16

I've blocked FB in our house much to DD's disgust

Nothing specific I objected to but I can't see how she can be doing quality GCSE coursework while simultaneously updating FB, MSN, listening to Youtube etc. Once her work is done, I unblock it for an hour or so.

If you don't want to remove PC use completely because of school work you can restrict what he can do.

I think at this age you have to show you mean business!

Original poster

wheresmybook · 09/11/2009 18:34

I've done some of this - he's only allowed FB for an hour a day, after all homework is done. And it would be a bit hypocritical blocking it completely as I use it a lot to keep in touch with friends and his big brother in the States.
But - I think I might talk to him about doing this unless he removes the photos.
Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

wheresmybook · 09/11/2009 18:36

PS How do you block FB?

OP posts:

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 09/11/2009 18:38

Someone on here recommended K9 web protection a week or two ago. It's free and you can tweak it to block out specific things.

foxytocin · 09/11/2009 18:38

another good reason to have computers in an all access family room.

AnyFucker · 09/11/2009 18:40

stop all unsupervised PC use, no locking himself in bedroom with it etc

all PC use to be in a family area

I would also be having a serious chat with him about respect for women and respect for yourself

ADifferentMe · 09/11/2009 18:42

I did it through Control Panel, Internet Options, Restricted Sites. Hope DD doesn't read this, she's been threatening to ask her IT teacher how to unblock it!

Foxy - niece disappeared overnight with a man 35 years older than her - he "groomed" her then waited till she was 16. I'm still paranoid now about who my girls are talking to.

foxytocin · 09/11/2009 18:44

her IT teacher will have bells ringing if your dd asks her this.

Original poster

wheresmybook · 09/11/2009 18:44

Thanks everyone. I've had the respect conversation multiple times, but he's a teenage boy, and sex trumps all as far as I can see. PC is in family area, but he must have done it when we were out of the room. I've really tried hard to monitor things, but not hard enough it seems.
Will try K9 web protection - thanks for the suggestion.

OP posts:

ADifferentMe · 09/11/2009 18:45

Good luck - I think most kids and parents go through this, so don't believe him when he says it's just you being unreasonable!

BitOfFun · 09/11/2009 18:52

Oh, it is tempting to put mumsnet on that list of restricted sites- I would get so much done!

BitOfFun · 09/11/2009 18:54

PS- what do you mean by "grabbing" etc? I think it's fair enough to say that you don't expect other people's children to get undressed in your house.

Original poster

wheresmybook · 09/11/2009 19:53

Grabbing breasts - both boys and girls doing it to the girls.
I was really shocked and I'm not prepared to have it going on upstairs - from the photos it was strip Twister.
I had been in a couple of times, but obviously not at the key points.
But, I don't want to stop him having friends home (they're only allowed at weekends in any case, and have to leave by 11). Think I'll have to say that the door must be left open.
Gosh - it's learning curve. You think you've thought of everything and then they slip something else in under your radar.

OP posts:

dittany · 09/11/2009 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

wheresmybook · 09/11/2009 20:23

Good point. Thank you. And yes - the girls are 15. As are the boys.
He's been surrounded by conversations like this all his life, but has obviously not related them to his own sexual urges!
And I find that I just get so angry that he's disregarded values that are so important to me that I can scarcely talk coherently to him.
Off we go to another conversation that he's not going to like!
I'll let you know what happens.
And thank you everyone - it's been really helpful to sound off and get feedback.

OP posts:

coritstoughoutthere · 09/11/2009 23:12

these pictures are illegal - no messing!

been to numerous talks at school about bloody Facebook and (anti) social network sites so am pretty clued up.
get the pictures off, no messing about, they are ILLEGAL - your sons computer is basically holding pead. images.

dittany · 09/11/2009 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coritstoughoutthere · 09/11/2009 23:17

and PS. been there, done that and got the bumper sticker - feel free to sound off.

my son had so many things banned by the time his GCSE's came along he only had his bed, desk and wardrobe in his room! never make idle threats, i was told, so they know you mean business. it worked - but my Gee it was hard. 2 down through the teens two to go so help me -.....

AnyFucker · 10/11/2009 08:23

what also makes me feel a bit sick is that the girls appear to be very willing participants as well

ADifferentMe · 10/11/2009 08:58

AF - you're right, I've tried to explain to my two the impression the pouty photos give to other people, but apparently I know nothing

Hulababy · 10/11/2009 09:08

I agree - the photos have to go. As the girls are under 16 this is even more important, regrdless of the age of the boys or their consent.

FB is blocked unless he uses it responsibly.

Also talk to him about who he accepts as friends and show how to set all photos to "friends only" access. I am not talking about these images he has now, but general photos. He needs to beusing these sites responsibly and protecting himself and his friends.

I would be tempted to speak to school too, to highlight to them what is going on on several of their older pupil's sites. School could then do a related assembly to highlight safety issues and respect for others, plus the legal side of things.

dittany · 10/11/2009 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 10/11/2009 16:05

it was mentioned further upthread that the girls were also joining in with grabbing other girls boobs and presumably happy for the pics to be posted...

sad, innit

that they feel they have to do this to be "cool"

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