Teenage boy & sexual pictures on Facebook

[wheresmybook]

This is my first posting and I don't know the conventions here - may even be posting this in the wrong place.
Multiple things going wrong in my relationship with 15 year old son, but would like ideas from others about what they think about kids posting sexually quite explicit (grabbing, kids stripped to underwear etc etc) photos on FB. Especially when the kids have been round at my house and in son's bedroom with the door closed.
He is furious with me for asking him to take the photos off FB, "What do you know?" and refuses to do anything about it. I'd tried to have a rational discussion about how images can be saved and used, but he knows best.
I'm thinking about stopping kids coming round unless he keeps his door open, but then he'll only go elsewhere. But I also feel concerned about what other parents might think if they see the photos too.
I'm not trying to stiop him/them being sexual - I'm realistic and remember myself at 15. But we didn't have the internet then.
Add this to the general mix of not working much at school and challenging every boundary I set, and life's not much fun at the moment.
Sorry - ranting here. But I'd welcome others' viewpoints.

Facebook should not be allowing sexually explicit photos on the site, but I guess this kind of things gets through.

I would get serious and tell him the pictures and illegal and report them.

As Dittany says there is no telling if the girls are trying too hard to be popular.

We only have internet access downstairs and in the open. But photo's are being uploaded from phones so this isn't a realistic solution.

I know dittany, he sounds like a right shit, tbh

I am sorry for the OP, but I would be ashamed if my son was part of that

I think it would take a very strong lad to not participate at that age and from stuff DD1 has said, a lot of girls are more than willing. One girl recently sent a clip of herself "entertaining herself" to her boyfriend's mobile. It got sent all round the school.

I also get the impression that things have moved on way beyond what was happening when I was 15 - but they are exposed to so much more sexual stuff than I was in the 70s.

I was a teen in the 70's and sexually active so I don't think there is necessarily more of it nowadays. Had a steady bf though.

I have a teen and I'm so glad neither her or her group of friends are involved in this sort of thing. Not all teen girls are like this. I think it's still a minority and find the ones who are appear to have low self esteem and are striving to be popular amongst certain types of boys.

Dittany - where did I say it was the girl's fault? I felt really sorry for the girl that she'd trusted him and appalled at what he'd done. I'd agree with Abouteve that it's partly a self esteem issue.

I think the way kids are sexualised so young and the fact that they see/hear much more than we did makes it harder for them, girls AND boys, to know what's acceptable/normal behaviour and what isn't. I remember reading a thread on here a few months ago about teenage boys having very distorted views about what normal sexual relationships were like because they had access to much more hardcore porn than in the good old 70s.

OK. Lots of kids - boys and girls - sent it round the school. Happy now?

I only have daughters so I am well aware how difficult it is for them.

However, boys AND girls post inappropriate pictures of themselves and it does take a certain amount of cooperation on the part of the girls, which is where lack of self esteem comes into it.

Update: the good news is that when I explained that the photos were illegal, he was quite shocked, and readily agreed to remove them. He also agreed to tell his firends that they were illegal and not to be repeated.
And I've put a password on the computer, so that it's much more under my control - he wasn't that happy (obviously) but didn't argue.
And today, on the way back from the dentist, we actually had a semi productive discussion about why I set the boundaries I do, and how it makes him feel, and why he behaves like he does. So that's all to be celebrated. (Probably with a glass of wine right now.)
So we're still talking and still able to say we care about each other.
Probably can't ask for much more.

yay

Can you get his big bro to have a comment about the piccys on the fb profile?

Teens are 90% swayed by what there peers say - so coming rom someone his own age would be a much better bet at getting sumut done

I'm afraid this is now standard teenage behaviour and your child has to be very strong-willed to stand out against it. I know that mine are pressurised to do things that horrify me.

Keeping a computer in the family room is no protection at all as teenagers are adept at shutting windows as rapidly as a parent can look at it. They keep open multiple windows and have the homework up on screen when you look.

My children's school are naive about the risks. I am currently having a debate with the head about this as their filtering software just doesn't work.

You have to work on building up your child's self-esteem to resist the peer pressure and have the chats about how disappointed you are with their behaviour. But talk first about the pressure from others to conform then why they should resist it. You also need to point out that besides being illegal these pictures may also be seen by universities/ future employers who increasingly check out web presence.

wheresmybook - well done you! It is so hard but one battle won; until the next......

really teens have not changed much since the 70's. there were always girls who felt they had to 'sell' their bodies to be popular with the boys. they were also under the illusion that their fellow girlfriends aspired to be 'as popular' as them. just look at the animal kingdom, the female of the species flirts and flaunts when on heat and her fellow females go along with it hoping to also catch a virile male. wow is it any surprise that the male doesn't object.

the only difference is that in my day it was done in the park or at the youth club now its on the internet, several steps more provocative and dangerously public!

wheresmybook good for you. However he may not be arguing because he's pretty sure he can guess your password......or find a friend who will get round it for him.

What teenagers get up to now goes far beyond what most adults did as teenagers. They are being brought up on internet porn.

Perhaps time also for the lectures on contraception and on how to treat women respectfully?

dittany,
not confused, my message referred to girls allowing or taking pictures of themselves and sending them to boys/ boyfriend.

my dd has two girl 'friends' who also took pictures of themselves having intimate fun and sending them to a group of 'boyfriends'.

my mum always told me to never have photographs taken of myself in intimate position cos one day I maybe famous and someone will resurface them! I was not and am not famous but I know that no past boyfriend will ever be able to flash a pic of me at a job interview or to my family! (grin)

probably wouldn't get the job!

wheresmybook,

This is an article I would suggest you show your son:-

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/07/sexting-teenagers-mobile-phones

dittany that is so naive. Of course there is pressure on boys too. They may be told they are gay if they don't join in with this sort of behaviour and have pictures on their phone to pass around.

ALL teens need to be encouraged to resist this.

not always just the boys, dittany - girls can be bullies too. They often are, you just have to look at mumsnet! It is hard for boys to resist the pressure to join in and I do feel sorry for my son (and the op's son) when they need to stand out against it.

boys also send pictures out of their 'little man' but because they are so little they have to have close up shots and you can not tell which boy it belongs too. unlike girls who get their pouty faces in too.

both sexes are at it and they need to be told they are demeaning themselves and each other.

they need to be told to have a little respect for their bodies and of their friend's. I don't want my sons and daughter to be prudes but their bodies are precious and only to be shared with someone (trust)worthy.

word soon gets around who is taking and who has been taken and the 'good guys' have no time for them

Again just to reiterate it is classed as child pornography and anyone uploading, sharing or downloading such images of anyone under the age of 18 could technically be prosecuted and end up on sex offenders register even if under the age of 18 themselves. (no precedent as far as I know for under 18 prosecutions).