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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Poll please: leaving teens when parents go on hols

46 replies

mumblechum · 29/10/2009 16:15

What do you think would be an appropriate age to leave a ds in the house alone, probably for one week, with lots of helpful neighbours around in case of emergency, assuming said teen is generally sensible, has not been known to drink, has well mannered friends and no girlfriend?

I and dh would probably be abroad. DS no longer wants to come on holidays with us.

Please vote.

Thanks.

OP posts:
desertmum · 29/10/2009 16:28

30 ? LOL

Lilymaid · 29/10/2009 16:36

I first left DS2 this summer, when he was 18 (and he had use of my car). He is also very sensible, a non-drinker and hasn't got a girlfriend locally!

Northernlurker · 29/10/2009 16:39

I won't be leaving dd1 at home till she's 16+ - and for preference not till 18+. Once they go to uni or whatever it's plainly absurd too insist on them holidaying with you - up till then I think it's down to your feelings about that child.

Tortington · 29/10/2009 16:40

i think it's crazy talk.

I have a music teacher, who - like you believed that his well mannered wonderful son wouldnt do anything silly.

when he told me he was going away, i did say that i wouldn't trust my children.

on his return the house was a mess the neighbours reported parties, the house smelled of smoke and people had sex in their bed.

i made all the right noises but in my head i was saying ' i told you so'

halfcut · 29/10/2009 16:41

17ish

Original poster
mumblechum · 29/10/2009 16:46

But Custy at what age WOULD you leave them? I'm not planning on leaving ds yet as he's only 15, but was wondering at what point we can stop insisting he comes along to be bored stupid by Tuscan cathedrals and let him do his own thing.

OP posts:
Tortington · 29/10/2009 17:47

i wouldn't - i don't trust my kids and my home is too valuable

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 29/10/2009 17:57

Depends on the teen.

I left ds1 at a month short of 17 and he was fine. I left ds2 at just turned 18 and things were a bit grim when I got back. Nothing dreadful; had obviously been a party (he called it a small gathering), there was red wine in my tea caddy, strange brown marks on the living room ceiling , egg (hopefully egg) all over my kitchen walls and the most can and bottle recycling I'd ever seen. And one of my pillows went missing and hasn't been seen since.

GetOrfMoiLand · 29/10/2009 18:00

Dd would have to be 18 I think to be left alone. Or older. I trust her implicitly, but I would think that there would be a high chance of lots of friends staying over, and things getting out of hand.

Just not worth the risk IMO.

brimfull · 29/10/2009 18:02

We left dd this summer although I was nervous, she had car as well. Made her do pass plus first.
she was 17
no harm was done
she had a ball
house was immaculate when we got back thanks to her friends helping her clean it

Original poster
mumblechum · 29/10/2009 19:14

Am just thinking that another option would be to send him to the States as he's always wanted to go to NY etc. Currently researching summer school/camp options.

OP posts:
elvislives · 29/10/2009 19:22

17 ish. But depends on the child.

Prinnie · 29/10/2009 19:41

I think 15/16 - year 11, in a way I think the earlier (within reason) you leave them the better as they are less likely to be really badly misbehaved and more honoured at the responsibility. My parents left me when I was 15 for a fortnight and came back to a spotless house etc, when they went away when I was 18ish by that time we were old enough to buy alcohol, have boys over etc, and things were not so amicable when they got home!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 29/10/2009 19:48

I wouldn't leave a 15-16 year old home alone for a week. I don't think the alternative has to be dragging them on tours of Italian museums, however. There are plenty of interesting organised residentials around - I spent a lot of my teenage summers doing sailing courses for instance.

cat64 · 29/10/2009 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumeeee · 29/10/2009 23:02

About 18. DD3 is 17 but she is dyspraxic and very unorganised. I wouldn't trust her to be left even for a weekend.

Milliways · 29/10/2009 23:18

We left DD this Summer at 18 as she had a job. She told us she had friends round a few times for meals/BBQ etc, but neighbors said they heard nothing & house was immaculate when we returned.

We left her for long weekends from age 17 (she had a Saturday job & we were only camping). Leaving her with a car was VERY scary!

However, my friend refuses to leave her 18 year old as she smokes, drinks & parties to excess & they fear for the house.

Northernlurker · 30/10/2009 10:44

I have to say I would be very nervous about leaving a teenager with access to a car or (heaven forbid) a motorbike. BUT that's my anxiety, not because they would be in fact incapable or that my presence in the home nest would make an accident unlikely. So as the parent I will just need to get over that (and ring home every evening )

alypaly · 30/10/2009 10:53

mumblechum .......................i think you have to assess each child as an individual. i dont think you can generalise with an age as some 14/15 year olds are mature ,some arent. I go to my caravan at the weekend and have left my 13-14 year old for up to 3 nights on his own.He didnt want to come with us as it was boring for him.He is now nearly 17 but he loved being at home on his own, as he could do his own thing and have a mate round for a sleep over and a playstation night.

apparently i asked a health visitor what the legal age is and there is no legal age for leaving alone...you just have to be very sensible..ie you wouldnt leave a 10 year old to cope. Both my boys were really mature for their age so i wasnt worried and i left them enough food and money for the weeks nosh and fresh bread and milk.

DS2 is 16 at the mo and i allow him a can of cider with his friends(whos parents know) and it stops them from going silly with alcohol if you allow them a can with a pizza or chinese takeaway.

he has never abused my trust

tatt · 30/10/2009 13:53

when they can afford to pay for any damage.

Mine have to come with us but we do compromise on holidays. With us it tends to be I stay with them and OH goes off to follow his interests. But if we wanted to visit Tuscan cathedrals the hotel would be one with, say, lots of watersports and they'd be left there part of the time while we went sightseeing.

witcheseve · 30/10/2009 14:05

I will leave DD when she is 16 which is only 6 months away wayhay!! Will play it by ear though as I might change my mind. I would make sure my sis was around each night to keep checking she wasn't hosting wild parties. I know she would have friends round and would worry that once word is out some of the undesirables would muscle in.

Could insist that she doesn't have anymore the 2 friends. It might work.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 30/10/2009 20:45

My neighbour left her 18 year old this summer with strict instructions to me to report back if there were any parties. There was one. He cleaned up well and I didn't tell.

mummyluvsme · 30/10/2009 20:59

We left out DS (16) at home, alone, for one week when we went to Devon. He managed to keep things under control with the supervision of family living locally, however the week didn't pass without incident! One broken window worth £250 was the end result, but DS has learnt that, incidents can be expensive! Nobody hurt or anything but I don't think I could go abroad without someone being inhouse with DS, Just in case! We could have driven back from Devon within a few hours but if you're abroad then it could be a bit difficult if you NEED to get back!

florence2511 · 30/10/2009 21:06

16 I think as I was left alone for a week when I was 16 (I loved it and my parents loved the fact that they came home to a spotless house!)

But it depends on the child involved so you can't really give an age. Whilst one 16 year old might be terrible mature another will not.

Drayford · 30/10/2009 23:23

from experience 17...

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