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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Poll please: leaving teens when parents go on hols

46 replies

mumblechum · 29/10/2009 16:15

What do you think would be an appropriate age to leave a ds in the house alone, probably for one week, with lots of helpful neighbours around in case of emergency, assuming said teen is generally sensible, has not been known to drink, has well mannered friends and no girlfriend?

I and dh would probably be abroad. DS no longer wants to come on holidays with us.

Please vote.

Thanks.

OP posts:

ilovepiccolina · 31/10/2009 22:33

Very much depends on the teen. TBO I think a week is a long time to be alone - could he go & stay with a friend for part of the time?

I had a similar dilemma with DD who is 15 & didn't want to come with us. She went to a friend's for most of the week but there were two days when she couldn't. She challenged me to trust her. So, another friend (15) stayed at ours for 2 nights. I paid for them to have an Indian delivered etc. It was fine, and she even cleared up

Loshad · 31/10/2009 22:51

at least 18, know of far too many real life horror stories, some of which the parents still aren't aware many of these are good, sensible kids

violethill · 01/11/2009 11:48

Impossible to give a fixed age, as so much depends on the young person themself, how reliable they have proved themself to be in the past, how confident they are etc

Also, I would never expect to plunge straight into a week long holiday - have you left the teenager overnight, or for a weekend? Work up gradually.

As a general rule of thumb though, around 16 seems sensible. Can't believe people who are saying they wouldn't leave them til they're 18! A lot of teens are leaving home for Uni by then, or taking a gap year travelling the world, so if you really can't get your head around trusting them at home for a week then something's wrong!

pointyhat · 01/11/2009 11:51

Hmm. I don't think there's an age. Not only would it depend on your child, it would also depend on all your child's friends because they could quite easily take over your gaff for a night or so.

Hulababy · 01/11/2009 11:53

My parents went away with my brother and sister for a week when I was 18y. Was just after my A levels had finished. My auntie lived round the corner. I chose to stay at home so that I ould go to my leaver's ball.

No parties. I was way too sensible for that lol! Dh (the boyfriend) did stay over a couple of the night, and I spent a couple of nights at my grandparents too. Had some friends round a couple of evenings, but nothing rowdy or likely to cause neighbours any concerns.

Hulababy · 01/11/2009 11:55

I think before sixth form/college age is too young personally. I don't think 15/16y is a good age to leave them myself - more chance of silly behvaiour or having a party they can't control, etc.

AnyFucker · 01/11/2009 17:35

17/18

but not before I had tested the waters several times by going for one night/weekend etc

sarah293 · 01/11/2009 17:39

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serenity · 01/11/2009 17:55

To all intents and purposes I lived on my own when I was 17, and I didn't trash anything (was in family home, bit complicated, parents and siblings were living elsewhere) I'd say I was pretty mature though (and not a big party person!) It would have to depend on the individual I think, some teenagers are more sensible than others.

Loosingmymind · 01/11/2009 19:08

My parents left me for 3 days over my 15th birthday weekend, is quite shocking looking back but my gran was round the corner checking on me and I was sensible and they trusted me.

They also left me for a week when I was 17 and gave me permission to have a BBQ party and changed their bed so that me and boyfiend (DH) could sleep in it.

Depends how sensible to teenager is and if you feel comfortable leaving them, if not then don't.

RockinSockBunnies · 01/11/2009 19:29

My parents left me for long weekends from when I was fourteen. I was home alone for up to about 10 days from fifteen onwards.

I loved being home alone. Often friends would stay over. I enjoyed having the house to myself, cooking what I wanted, being in charge. I had neighbours I could rely on if needed and lots of friends nearby.

I did have boyfriends staying over and did have a party following GCSEs that resulted in a number of stains on the cream carpet and parents who wouldn't talk to me for a week! There were drugs, booze and sex. It was quite rock n roll. But, no dire consequences. Mind you, it was in the days before Facebook etc, so no random strangers appeared.

I suppose you have to decide when your DC is sensible enough - there's no set age.

julienoshoes · 02/11/2009 08:58

Our three were 19, 17 and 15 when my BIL died suddenly in the Philippines and we had to drop everything and just go.
Never thought for a second that they wouldn't be alright.
They had numbers for close family if they needed help.
Neighbours knew they were there and were happy to help if needed.
We rang whenever we could.

I knew they had had a party, they asked if it was alright but we have had lots of teen parties previously and knew their friends well.

We were away for just under three weeks.
It was just before Christmas and we had horrendously long journey home with so many changes and delays.
I was dreading getting home and starting Christmas-finding decorations etc.

Got home completely knackered...............

...to find the whole of downstairs had been spring cleaned, all the Christmas decorations were up and there was a meal with candles and wine and everything on the table for us!!
The house looked like something from a fairy tale!

Wonderful suprise.

Depends on your teens.

notagrannyyet · 04/11/2009 12:14

I first left mine at home when DS was 18 & DD 16. They really didn't fancy a seaside holiday with 4 younger brothers. There were no problems.

The next time DC house sat was when DS2 was 17. The older 2 had left home by then but DD did call back and check on her brother a couple of times. We did have family close by if there were any problems.

DS 3 is 16 now and says he would like to stay at home if we go away next summer. DH and I think he is still too young. If he doesn't come with us he can stay with one of his older brothers. It does depend on the young person and their friends!

anniemac · 04/11/2009 16:33

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anniemac · 04/11/2009 16:43

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Francasaysrelax · 04/11/2009 16:50

One week away?
Based on my experience as a fairly sensible teenager I'd say 16/17. But I did have a party one night. But being me and my friends square it wasn't a huge disaster. And we cleaned the day after.

imokit · 25/11/2009 16:30

You've got to do it a little bit at a time, go away for a night, see how it goes, then a weekend etc. It also depends on your kids, if they're happy with you going away and if you trust them. I have a friend 3 yrs younger and she was just left alone for a weekend and had a major party, the signs were their my mum knew she'd do it as soon as I told her (my mum) that I was home alone. Her parents who work with my mum apparently went mental for all of a day and but let it be because she 'repented', cried and was nice to her mother for a few days.
Before you leave them, think about how much you trust them and also how succeptable to peer pressure they are ie if their friends tell/begg/pressure them into doing something stupid will they.

For the record, I wasn't invited to her party, as I'm at uni and would blatantly have told my mum, but facebook is wonderfull spying tool. Use it, while you go away, if they plan something it will be up there.

cory · 25/11/2009 21:52

I was allowed to stay on my own in a foreign hotel over a long weekend when I was 16. But then I had no friends around who knew I was alone and might barge in to wreck the place.

KarmaAngel · 27/11/2009 21:48

We left DSD for 3 nights in August whilst we went to Wales. She was a month off turning 17. She did go out clubbing all 3 nights but just had friends (girls) staying. Came home and the house was cleaner than when I left. Was a bit as she's even cleaned the windows but my mum checked on the house a few times unannounced and assured me all was well.

So I'd say depending on the maturity of the child 16 - 17ish.

Snorter · 03/12/2009 21:39

Am a bit late on this thread. Messy/trashed houses aren't the only problem...

I remember going abroad with my parents, leaving my sister at home. She was 15 and had just done O'levels (she took them a year early).She managed to fall off her bicycle when cycling to her holiday job, breaking her front teeth. Kind neighbour took her to dentist, when she got home, and my Mum heard about it when she rang a couple of days later. (Obviously no mobiles then, and we were travelling around.) It could have been a lot worse of course, but I know my mother felt terrible.

Original poster

mumblechum · 04/12/2009 11:10

We've sorted out the prob now.

Next yr (when he'll be just short of 16), he'll either come with us and just have to tolerate the boredom, or he may go to the States with his friend whose adult brother lives there.

Yr after, he's booked to go on a 17 day school rowing tour of the West Coast of the States, spending time in San Francisco, LA, San Diego etc.

Phew!

OP posts:

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