Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you 'entertain' your teenager? Do they expect it?

37 replies

PlumpkinScaryBaps · 27/10/2009 22:46

Ds1 (13) is unexpectedly at home for half term. He was supposed to be spending the week at his dad's, but said he didn't want to go as a) he hasn't seen his dad for 3 months (due to terminal uselessness on his father's part) and b) his dad hasn't taken time off work and this means that ds would have to spend each day with his granny "watching Jeremy Kyle and it's boring" (fair point, I think).

Anyhow. Ds and I had a bit of a set-to on Monday because he was demanding to be 'entertained'. I told him that I have organised babysitting for Friday for ds2 (nearly 2) so that he (ds1, that is) and I can go out for the day but other than that I hadn't got anything in mind.

I assumed he would meet up with friends at least once or twice and have asked him if he would like to come swimming with ds2 and me on Wed. Other than that, it would just be business as usual (as it is for me and ds2) with a bit more time allowed for xBox, laptop etc.

Well you'd have thought I'd told him to go and play on the motorway or something. He told me I should be entertaining him, that he's bored and it's my fault. I said I thought at his age he would want to meet with friends, go to theme park/swimming/cinema/whatever with them. But apparently he doesn't know their numbers and can't, apparently, be bothered to walk or cycle half a mile to knock on the door.

He has no interests other than the xBox, laptop, iPod or TV (not for lack of trying/suggestions on our part) and seems incapable of amusing himself as I recall doing at his age.

So- do you entertain your teen? Am I wrong in thinking that at his age he should know how to occupy himself?

OP posts:
herbietea · 27/10/2009 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brimfull · 27/10/2009 22:52

What does he want you to do exactly?

Hang out at the skate park?

Is he too shy to contact friends?

Ime it's that awkward inbetween stage before they start the manic socialising on their own.

But other than what you are doing I wouldn't be entertaining him.

Haunty27 · 27/10/2009 22:55

Herbie mine are like that. I took a day off work today to spend time with them. DD went off shopping with her mates having forgotten I'd got the day off and ds went skateboarding with his mates.

Hmph!

pointyhat · 27/10/2009 22:58

No I do not. I have a 13 yr old and she organises her own social life by phoning and meeting up with friends whenever she can.

If she didn't meet up with her friends, I suppose I'd encourage her to do something low key like a spot of baking or we'd go window shopping.

Original poster
PlumpkinScaryBaps · 27/10/2009 22:59

ggirl I have no idea. TBH if he wanted to do something as active as skateboarding I'd have down at the park so fast there'd be smoke.... sadly he doesn't like any form of physical activity (although loves PE at school Maybe he is shy. I didn't think about that. He's a popular lad and has several good friends but perhaps boys' friendships work differently to girls?

herbie- do you limit their time on the various electronic wotsits? I gave ds free rein today and I kid you not, he spent the entire day (apart from meals) on the xBox.
(I know, I know- a Bad Thing To Do but I thought it might work as a sort of aversion therapy, iyswim)

He has no homework, apparently, so that's out.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 27/10/2009 22:59

i do - on the whole - they are used to me taking them out, only recently has ds (14) started makign his own arrangements.

BeehiveBaby · 27/10/2009 23:00

DSD blooming does , but her mum won't let her into town to hang about and her dad won't let her go on facebook all day so what can she do?!

SlartyBartFast · 27/10/2009 23:00

what do you normally do, say in the summer?

Original poster
PlumpkinScaryBaps · 27/10/2009 23:01

The other problem, obviously, is that I have ds2 and there is very little that will amuse the pair of them at the same time.

Actually, nothing, really. Gah.

OP posts:
BeehiveBaby · 27/10/2009 23:04

That's our problem too PSB. Occasional films hit the spot and the very very occasional exhibition, plus they all like Waterstones and Wagamama but that's about it.

Original poster
PlumpkinScaryBaps · 27/10/2009 23:04

Well, last summer he spent 2 weeks at his dad's, then we went on holiday for 2 weeks (Disney- kind of just for ds1 cos he'll be too old soon to want to come away with us- or maybe not...). Then after that he was supposed to go to his dad's again but his dad let him down, so it was raelly just in the garden, out shopping, out for meals etc. Nothing particularly geared to his amusement, I guess.

OP posts:
mrspnut · 27/10/2009 23:05

I have an almost 13 year old and I expect her to organise her own time. I offer money for bus fares and the odd lift but the rest is up to her but we are lucky that it involves all the girls in the area sleeping at our house rather than her roaming the streets.

SlartyBartFast · 27/10/2009 23:06

can you make the suggestions/arrangmenets. is he shy and hsi friends shy too.
ds is nearly 15 and only recently started to make his own arrangements to meet friends.
your ds will soon be forced into doing it though sheer boredom.

Original poster
PlumpkinScaryBaps · 27/10/2009 23:06

Beehive we used to go to films a lot, me, him and DH but it's more difficult now, with ds2. We could make more effort to get a sitter for the odd film though.

OP posts:
BirthdayCard · 27/10/2009 23:08

God no. She would be mortified unless of course I took her shopping and spent lots of money on her (that's usually the only way she would ever be seen in public with me!)

SlartyBartFast · 27/10/2009 23:09

well he must be upset at being let down by his dad. so spoil him.

Original poster
PlumpkinScaryBaps · 27/10/2009 23:13

That's partly what the day out is for, Slarty. His choice of enteratinment, meal out etc.

He knows that his friends are welcome any time but just hasn't asked them over. I suppose he didn't expect to have to, this week.

(BTW, I just want to say thank you to everyone who's replied. I really do appreciate it!)

OP posts:
brimfull · 27/10/2009 23:18

It's an awkward age , he may be unsure how to get things going with his friends-scared to make the first move and call.
btw I know how hard it is with a massive age gap , mine are 11 yrs apart -makes days out a nightmare

Original poster
PlumpkinScaryBaps · 27/10/2009 23:22

What do you do to amuse your two, ggirl? (ideas thief here....)

OP posts:
mumeeee · 27/10/2009 23:22

At 13 I still took my DDs to some places. But they also entertained themselves.

sunnydelight · 28/10/2009 06:20

We moved to Oz, and therefore away from all his mates, when DS1 was 13 so he probably did "family things" for longer than if we'd stayed in the UK. I would have got the hump if he expected to be entertained though.

If your DS needs entertaining and can't do it himself, I would be inclined to book him into organised activities depending on what he's in to. DS1 was easy as he's sporty so he did a couple of "learn to surf" weeks when I was faced with an 8 week holiday before he'd made many friends. I also take the view that if I have organised anything, even just for an hour, that's my contribution for the day - they need to get on with it by themselves after that.

Earthstar · 28/10/2009 06:39

Perhaps ask him what it is he wants? What kind of entertainment would he enjoy? Does he want you to actively spend more time with him?

violetqueen · 28/10/2009 08:02

Just to say you're not alone.
They're all different .
Our son was like this - though without the popular at school bit.
I used to try and limit screen activities by only allowing if he agreed to come out - swimming ,trip out for lunch.
Films ,and odd bigger trips out - Covent Garden ( street performers ,games shops ) museums,zoos .
Good luck.

WickedWitchinthesticks · 28/10/2009 16:08

I have 2 DSs 11 and 13. I used to love school holidays when we would do something together every day, if only a bike ride.
This year DS1 is a different person, does not want my involvement unless it's for lifts. He seems to organise trips to the cinema or swimming with a mixed bunch of boys and girls from school. I am surprised and delighted because he never used to be very good socially, and was very shy, but I miss the fun we used to have.

Incidently I am the x box policeman in this house. It was driving me nuts as the boys would , if I let them, spend every waking hour on there. At the start of the summer holidays we negotiated a time limit. The X box is OFF between 10am and 4pm, and off again at 7pm. When it's on they have a rota of 45 minute slots.
Of course that still leaves Runescape. Youtube, etc.

mumblechum · 28/10/2009 20:45

I've taken this half term off, unusually, to be around for ds (15) purely because I had to leave him to his own devices for much of the summer hols.

Having said that, I'm only doing one to one stuff on two days, took him to Oxford yesterday and will do something on Fri with him, maybe dry ski slope or pitch and putt.

Rest of the time I've just been around to drive him to band practice, cinema, mates houses & to host a couple of sleepovers.

Tomorrow he and a mate are going into London unaccompanied for the first time .