Do you 'entertain' your teenager? Do they expect it?

[PlumpkinScaryBaps]

Ds1 (13) is unexpectedly at home for half term. He was supposed to be spending the week at his dad's, but said he didn't want to go as a) he hasn't seen his dad for 3 months (due to terminal uselessness on his father's part) and b) his dad hasn't taken time off work and this means that ds would have to spend each day with his granny "watching Jeremy Kyle and it's boring" (fair point, I think).

Anyhow. Ds and I had a bit of a set-to on Monday because he was demanding to be 'entertained'. I told him that I have organised babysitting for Friday for ds2 (nearly 2) so that he (ds1, that is) and I can go out for the day but other than that I hadn't got anything in mind.

I assumed he would meet up with friends at least once or twice and have asked him if he would like to come swimming with ds2 and me on Wed. Other than that, it would just be business as usual (as it is for me and ds2) with a bit more time allowed for xBox, laptop etc.

Well you'd have thought I'd told him to go and play on the motorway or something. He told me I should be entertaining him, that he's bored and it's my fault. I said I thought at his age he would want to meet with friends, go to theme park/swimming/cinema/whatever with them. But apparently he doesn't know their numbers and can't, apparently, be bothered to walk or cycle half a mile to knock on the door.

He has no interests other than the xBox, laptop, iPod or TV (not for lack of trying/suggestions on our part) and seems incapable of amusing himself as I recall doing at his age.

So- do you entertain your teen? Am I wrong in thinking that at his age he should know how to occupy himself?

Dd did come down yesterday and said "but aren't we going to do something today?" But that isn't because she is a clueless, lazy teenager who can't occupy herself: but simply because she knows that we enjoy doing things as a family. Nothing wrong with that, surely?

Nothing wrong at all, cory. Tis only when the demands start and then they're not happy with what's on offer that it becomes a problem!

Ds1 was supposed to be coming swimming with us yesterday but in the end asked if he could stay at home, so I said yes. Not much fun for him, I suppose, swimming in the big (freezing) pool while ds2 and I did horsey horsey in the baby pool.

As it turns out this week has been a bit of a washout as I've had to wait in twice for the gasman to fix the boiler. But we've still got our day out tomorrow and I'm looking forward to that.

I'm definitely going to try to be better organised for the Xmas hols though, organising sitters for ds2 and looking out for ideas for things I can do with both of them. Plus I'm going to make sure ds1 has his friends' phone numbers!

It is harder when their ages demand different things. We've had this to some extent with dd and ds; also dd is sometimes in a wheelchair, and often ill during halfterm, which cuts down on the ds-suitable activities. Can make life very difficult. I do try to make sure there is one day when each of them (or if I'm lucky, both) get something they want to do. Eve if it's just something small- yesterday we went into town and had lunch at Ikea. The deal seems to be that we have to do something they like at halfterm, but not every day. Today we are tidying the house! (or at least I am)

HELL NO!

entertain him indeed. i;d tell him to piss off out to a friends of get a job.

boredom =chores in my house.

surprisingly no-one every complains of boredom

Hi - very similar with my ds1 (13). Although he apparently has loads of friends at school, seems happy etc etc, he never seems to contact any of them during the hols. When I suggest it he makes endless excuses (don't know their number/ they live too far away/they wont be in) in spite of my offers to take him there and the fact that one (newer)friend lives literally in the next street. He is shy and it is not possible for me to 'engineer' mates around these days now he is at high school and I don't know parents numbers etc.

To answer your questions

• yes, I limit xbox time (or ds would literally never be off it). We have a 2 hour a day on technology rule but 2 hours can be quite stretchy

• no, I don't 'entertain' exactly but I do tend to insist on an activity each day even if its just go shopping or walk the dog as I hate to see them immobile in front of a screen on a lovely day.

I have to say ds (13) would rather watch paint dry or peel his eyelids of than be entertained by me.
We dont have the xbox, tv etc either for him to seek entertainment from.

He goes skateboarding with friends.

Done my bit for the girls, just had 8 of the nicest girls over for a sleepover. The eldest 14 has now gone shopping with her bf and her sister 13 has gone out on her bike.

I think a mix of the two is good. Great to have family time and do activities together. However I think they should be encouraged to find productive ways to spend their spare time, as that's what they'll need to do when they're in the "real world" in a few years. Reading, paper round, learning guitar, drama, sport etc.

Well, when mine were 13 we would have occasional family days out - cinema etc - but I did not consider that I should 'entertain' them.
Son was sporty and was often out skateboarding or off on mountain biking outings with friends, or making a racket playing his guitar. Daughter was arty and into drama so would do drama group or art activities, or hanging out with friends etc. There always seemed to be plenty that would keep them busy at that age.
When they were younger it was a bit different, and I did plan things to entertain and for them to do. Not at 13 though - and they wouldn't have wanted me to either...they wanted to be doing more their own thing at that age.

At 13 all 3 of my DD's were still doing things with us. Although they did occansionly go to friends houses, They were 14 when they started doing more stuf with thier friends