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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What advice will you give your daughter about sleeping with men?

40 replies

Nighbynight · 26/03/2009 17:39

What advice are you going to give your daughter about having sex with men?
Disclaimer: yes, it is a very narrow question, isnt it.

(-) Don't.
(a) Don?t, before marriage
(b) Only have sex when you are in a committed relationship
(c) Don't until you're 16.
(d) Don?t have sex for the wrong reasons
(e) Just don?t get pregnant
(f) You have the perfect right to go out and have casual sex with whoever you feel like, whenever you feel like, so just enjoy yourself.
(g) No advice at all, she is an independent person and can make up her own mind, and besides I don?t intend to give any advice to my son so why should I give advice to my daughter

Or something else?
I was just reflecting, that in the 80s, most middle class parents seemed to go with (b).

It would be nice if people could avoid pouring scorn on advice that they don?t agree with, so that people post what they really think instead of what looks safe, but maybe that?s asking too much?

OP posts:
BonsoirAnna · 26/03/2009 17:41

Don't let yourself be pressured into having sex. Only have sex if you really want to and you trust the man. Use contraception. Have sex in a bed.

hercules1 · 26/03/2009 17:42

mine would be to choose wisely, use a condom and wait until you are least 16.

MitchyInge · 26/03/2009 17:42

what if daughter is a lesbian?

BCNS · 26/03/2009 17:43

be safe in all ways, emotionally, phyically and sexually.. respect yourself and enjoy yourself.

hullygully · 26/03/2009 17:43

Enjoy it and charge what you can.

BonsoirAnna · 26/03/2009 17:44

The OP specifies heterosexual sex. I suggest you start a new thread about lesbian sex

sarah293 · 26/03/2009 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hullygully · 26/03/2009 17:45

I'd say the advice would be the same. Carry a toothpick too.

hercules1 · 26/03/2009 17:47

Well I would hope if she is having sex with a man she should still use a condom even if she is a lesbian.

Original poster
Nighbynight · 26/03/2009 17:47

mitchy, then the option would be (-)....see the disclaimer

OP posts:
captainpeacock · 26/03/2009 17:55

Don't have sex to make the person love you, it doesn't work.

brimfull · 26/03/2009 17:57

agree with anna

oh and not before you're 25

MrsMattie · 26/03/2009 17:57

Have sex if you want to. Don't do it if you don't want to.

Always use protection - protect yourself against pregnancy and diseases.

nickschick · 26/03/2009 17:59

Can I tell you what I tell my sons?

If you have sex have protected sex- you know where you've been you dont know where they've been!!.

If you have sex be sure its for the right reasons bcos one act of sex can give you a lifelong commitment or disease.

If shes prepared to have sex with you without really knowing you well then she's probably had sex with half your mates-something good doesnt need to be given away every weekend.

plantsitter · 26/03/2009 18:00

what anna said, plus never have sex with someone you don't at least like

MrsHappy · 26/03/2009 18:01

I want my daughter to value herself so that she doesn't sleep with the first chap with lovely lips who comes along, and I want her to understand that having sex will not make anyone like her. Those two I reckon will be ok if she grows up with a sense of self. Then I want her to know that sex is better when it is with someone you love and trust. And when she does have sex I want her to be safe. These last two I will tell her, a lot.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 26/03/2009 18:05

Wait untill you meet someone special to lose your virginity too and make sure you are doing it because you want to.

There is no such thing as a slag. Only bitches who sleep with married men, knowingly.

Protect yourself, even in a relationship, untill you have both tested and you are 110% sure he is faithfull.

pagwatch · 26/03/2009 18:13

I will be talking about relationships a lot before we ever get on to sex. About being with friends who are supportive. About valuing people because of how they behave and how they treat you rather than because of what they have and how desirable they seem.
Following all of that - make sure the person you are with is your friend as well as your partner. That we all make mistakes. Don't expect another person to make you feel better about yourself.and that the phrase I love him should always be able to be completed with "because ...." and a list of about ten tangible things about HIM and not you
Oh and if you tell a teenage/young man that you are pregnant and it is unplanned he will probably not view it as a cementing of your love and wish to be with you for always. he will probably view it as a disater and want to leave the country.

notcitrus · 26/03/2009 18:39

what pagwatch said, plus anyone who says 'if you loved me you'd have sex with me' is at best wrong and probably doesn't love you at all.

and it's safer sex, not safe sex. there is no such thing as totally safe sex.

And drunk sex tends to be pretty crap...

twoluvlykids · 26/03/2009 18:45

I'm dreading either of my dc's forming "relationships", and I'm really not sure how to handle it, approach it, initiate a conversation about it.

I was ear-wigging some yr 11 boys (15 and 16) talking about girls today, and the conversation was just exactly how it must have been with teenagers ever since time began - I wasn't shocked, as a lot of it was just talk, but it's obvious that not many lads are growing up with a vast respect for girls.

But as I said, a lot of it was just talk.

Original poster
Nighbynight · 26/03/2009 21:03

Am fairly relieved that I seem to be mainstream on this question...I especially love "have sex in a bed"

I will also be stressing "only if you really want to" and "use protection"
And will make sure that the dds are aware of the old lines, and why they shouldnt fall for them
"if we dont have sex, we are going to split up"
"if you loved me, you'd have sex with me"
etc.

OP posts:
brightwell · 27/03/2009 07:45

Use protection, only have sex with someone you have feelings for and who respects you.

brightwell · 27/03/2009 07:47

Don't let them "film" you doing something you may later regret...it'll get passed round mates & may end up on youtube!

cory · 27/03/2009 08:37

only do it if you want to; use protection unless you are trying for a baby; don't try for a baby until you have thought through the consequences

lazybones · 27/03/2009 08:54

It's not exactly advice, but something my mum told me as a teenager. She said that I might be physically ready for sex but I wasn't emotionally ready - she didn't tell me not to (offered to buy me condoms in fact!) but helped me to see that even in a stable relationship, with protection, with respect and in a bed etc I was still young and vulnerable, ifyswim. So I undertsood that all that teen horniness was just that - it might feel powerful but it wasn't the most important part of a relationship or being an adult. The older I've got the more I've understood what she meant.

She also told me not to do it in bushes like she had.