Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenage daughter has been diagnosed as annorexic, i feel like i am going mad

34 replies

Leenie · 16/03/2009 19:35

My DD aged 17 has just been diagnosed this week as having annorexia, i feel so helpless, she is not accepting anything that she is being told, she had an appointment with a doctor and phsyciatrist today and she has basically not come home last night and not turned up today for her appointment , when i called her she said she's not going cos she's tired and wanted me to call and say she was sick, i told her i could not do this as it was important that she attends, so she hung up, the DR called me and told me she was not answering her phone to them, My DD is only 9 stone and she's 5'11 tall, i have asked me GP endlessly if her being so skinny was ok and kept getting told that shes just very tall and small boned as she has mild osteoporosis due to juvenille rhumatoid arthritis, she has been suffering from depression for a while,and in the last few months things have gotten really quite bad, as she has gone from having good days where she is quite happy to mostly terrible days where she is abusive tearful and has even been self harming, cutting her arms, she has threatened to kill her self three times , it came to a head last week when i got a call at work from my younger DD worrying that she was hurting herself as she had locked herself in her room and was saying she was going to be dead soon, i had already taken her to my GP re, the self harming and threats so they were aware of the situation, i called them on my way back home to her and they told me i needed to call an ambulance and have her admitted to hospital,when i got in i had to force her door open and she had tied a noose from a beam in her ceiling, and was intending to hang herself, i thought i was going to pass out when i saw the state she was in, so i dialled 999, unfortunately she refused to go so the police had to be called in and she was taken by them under a section 4, i was heartbroken, and all the way there in the ambulance she swore at me and told me i had lost a daughter, she also managed to escape from the A&E dept and had to be taken off a bus and brought back by the police, she went through so much trauma that day and by the end of it just broke down and accepted that she had problems and needed help, i don't know what to do as her mum to help her, i love her so much and it is killing me seeing her so ill and unhappy, but she just doesnot seem to want to help herself,my beautiful DD left school at 16 with 12 a-c GCSE's and was at college studying medical sciences in the hope of being a doctor, then she was robbed by a gang of about 9 boys and girls in our area, this started the downward spiral, and after nearly a year of court cases etc, (of which the two main culprits got a £30 fine) we have a great judicial system(NOT!!), and DS being threatened and bullied at college because she had pressed charges, she dropped out and hasn;t really done anything since, the little b#st#rds got off so lightly as they were under 16, i know i am babbling now and this is so long, but i have so much to say and no one to say it to..i have never known anyone with annorexia, so i am hoping that theres a mum on here who might understand how i feel right now

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 16/03/2009 19:46

There are a couple of mums on here that I know have some experience on this. I'm not going to menton their names, incase they don't want to be identified, but I'll bump this for you an hope someone will post for you.

catinthehat1 · 16/03/2009 19:47

[paragraphed to make this easier for peeps to read and comment]

My DD aged 17 has just been diagnosed this week as having annorexia, i feel so helpless, she is not accepting anything that she is being told, she had an appointment with a doctor and phsyciatrist today and she has basically not come home last night and not turned up today for her appointment .

When i called her she said she's not going cos she's tired and wanted me to call and say she was sick, i told her i could not do this as it was important that she attends, so she hung up, the DR called me and told me she was not answering her phone to them.

My DD is only 9 stone and she's 5'11 tall, i have asked me GP endlessly if her being so skinny was ok and kept getting told that shes just very tall and small boned as she has mild osteoporosis due to juvenille rhumatoid arthritis, she has been suffering from depression for a while,and in the last few months things have gotten really quite bad, as she has gone from having good days where she is quite happy to mostly terrible days where she is abusive tearful and has even been self harming, cutting her arms, she has threatened to kill her self three times.

It came to a head last week when i got a call at work from my younger DD worrying that she was hurting herself as she had locked herself in her room and was saying she was going to be dead soon, i had already taken her to my GP re, the self harming and threats so they were aware of the situation.

I called them on my way back home to her and they told me i needed to call an ambulance and have her admitted to hospital,when i got in i had to force her door open and she had tied a noose from a beam in her ceiling, and was intending to hang herself, i thought i was going to pass out when i saw the state she was in, so i dialled 999, unfortunately she refused to go so the police had to be called in and she was taken by them under a section 4, i was heartbroken, and all the way there in the ambulance she swore at me and told me i had lost a daughter.

She also managed to escape from the A&E dept and had to be taken off a bus and brought back by the police, she went through so much trauma that day and by the end of it just broke down and accepted that she had problems and needed help.

I don't know what to do as her mum to help her, i love her so much and it is killing me seeing her so ill and unhappy, but she just doesnot seem to want to help herself,my beautiful DD left school at 16 with 12 a-c GCSE's and was at college studying medical sciences in the hope of being a doctor, then she was robbed by a gang of about 9 boys and girls in our area, this started the downward spiral, and after nearly a year of court cases etc, (of which the two main culprits got a £30 fine) we have a great judicial system(NOT!!), and DS being threatened and bullied at college because she had pressed charges, she dropped out and hasn;t really done anything since. The little b#st#rds got off so lightly as they were under 16, i know i am babbling now and this is so long, but i have so much to say and no one to say it to..i have never known anyone with annorexia, so i am hoping that theres a mum on here who might understand how i feel right now

zanz1bar · 16/03/2009 19:47

so sorry to read about you and your daughters situation. i really hope she can now get the help she needs.
There are some great support boards for families coping with annorexia i heard about from of all places the Archers website on Radio Four after they did an annorexia story line.
good luck its a long journey, but she can heal and have a wonderful future.

PlumBumMum · 16/03/2009 19:53

Catinthehat was just coming on to bump your thread but had a little read and just wanted to ask about your dd's osteoporosis, is this def due to her arthritsis as my dd has JIA and wasn't aware this was related

catinthehat1 · 16/03/2009 19:55

[Plumbum, it's Leenie's daughter not mine, was just breaking out her post to make it easier to read as it was all running together]

brimfull · 16/03/2009 19:58

God Leenie,
What an awful nightmare you and your fmaily are going through.I have no experience of anorexia .
Hope you get the help she needs.

Littlefish · 16/03/2009 19:59

Leenie, I can't offer any useful advice I'm afraid. My mum was anorexic for about 25 years of my life (started when I was 7 years old). She had several stays in psychiatric hospitals although she was never sectioned. My mother is 5ft 9 and weighed about 6 stone at her thinnest.

If your dd refuses treatment, is self harming and is suicidal, then do you need to consider having her sectioned again? I don't know much about the process, but I know that you must be terribly, terribly worried about her.

PlumBumMum · 16/03/2009 20:00

Sorry just realised that

Hassled · 16/03/2009 20:04

Leenie it sounds to me like you have been a wonderful mother in the most dreadful circumstances. I wish I could help.

A friend of mine works for beat - an Eating Disorders helpline. They can give you lots of support and advice - please give them a call.

Leenie · 16/03/2009 20:05

plum, from what i have been told , yes the osteoporosis is a sympton that has been caused by the arthritis, although she went for some years un diagnosed with JRA so that may be why she developed osteoporosis, she was not given extra calcium , which is important in arthritis

OP posts:
tatt · 16/03/2009 20:11

Leenie I can't really help just want to say how sorry I am.

Sometimes however hard mothers try they can't help. Your daughter is going to need professional help to get through this and maybe that needs to be in hospital.

Anorexia is sometimes an attempt at exerting control by people who feel they can't control the rest of their life. Self harm can be because the pain distracts you from other pain you are feeling.

I do know someone who was anorexic but that was before I met her and she's never wanted to talk about it. She is now a normal weight and married with children, so there is hope.

Maybe these people can help www.caraline.com/ ?

blowninonabreeze · 16/03/2009 20:15

You poor thing,

I have no personal experience but am friends with a woman whose teenage daughter is only now coming out of the other side of anorexia.

You could try this website for tips on how to help

and here is an anorexia family support group although I believe they are not based in the UK

Just keep posting on mumsnet, there's bound to be someone along soon with experience, or just use it as a ranting board!

PlumBumMum · 16/03/2009 20:21

Thanks Leenie, sorry I couldn't help with anything useful in return

PlumBumMum · 16/03/2009 20:25

Thanks Leenie, sorry I couldn't help with anything useful in return

Leenie · 16/03/2009 20:35

Thanks for all your support and links, the crazy thing is my DD has never thought she is too fat, she hates herself because she is so skinny, she hates all the comments and staring she has to put up with, her arms are as skinny as a toddlers, and when she sees toddlers she actually comments at how their lims are fatter than hers, i have a 7 month old DS, she often says his legs are fatter than her arms, she doesnt diet she just never really seems hungry.

OP posts:
morningsun · 16/03/2009 23:10

leenie don't have experience of anorexia but do have dd 15 with crohns disease who has found things tough the last few months and not bothering with tablets etc.
its really tough and as a mum you don't have anyone to talk to properly,as all the help is for them
just to say i understand some of the pain and helplessness you feelxx

notsoclever · 17/03/2009 10:08

Hi leenie, sorry to hear about your daughter. My dd1 was depressed in her teens (following bullying at school) and was self-harming and suicidal. It was so difficult because she was just so, so sad and there was very little I could do to help her.

Our gp was great - very quick to respond; the school offered counselling then referred to to adolescent psychiatry because of the severity of her problems. We were lucky to get an appointment quickly. But dd1 did not want to take anti-depressants, and being chronically shy, she absolutely hated the "talking therapies".

It was an anxious time for us all - if she was not within sight I could not be confident that she was OK. All I could do was to be with her when she would let me (we walked a lot - because then we could be alongside each other without having to talk, but she could talk if she wanted to). I took her on long drives in the car, then we would eat a sandwich on the beach. I changed my work pattern so I could be at home more. I tried really hard not to ask how she was feeling.

It really felt that we were just trying to get through life one day at a time. Occasionally I would hear her laugh, and my heart lifted.

Eventually she got a more settled group of friends and she now has a job and a flat of her own. We still walk a lot together (a nice legacy from a difficult time).

I really hope that your daughter gets the support she needs. I feel for you. It's a tough time, and you will need people around you who can support you too.

poshwellies · 17/03/2009 12:02

Leenie

Just saw your other thread and want to post my support for this difficult time for you and your daughter.

Sounds like your daughter is suffering with PTSD (the mugging) which can trigger off eating disorders too.

Has your daughter now got a mental health support worker?

I have no experience of eating disorders other though I stopped eating when I was depressed as a teen and lost alot of weight.It wasn't the fact I wanted to lose weight,it was my depressive state of mind,I had no interest in food or even the urge-could this be the case with your daughter?

I was helped by attending a day centre for a few months and obviously having ad's too.

All you can do is be supportive (which sounds like you are!).She should really be on the urgent referal list as she is suicidal and being seen ASAP and like someone said that may mean a hospital admittance but she will have 24hr care and round the clock observation.

Make sure you have support for yourself too.

Please keep posting Leenie.

nickytwotimes · 17/03/2009 12:06

Leenie, I am a former anorexic, happily fully recovered for years now.
I can't help you re the Mum's point of view but feel free to CAT me and I would be more than happy to tell you what your daughter's thought processes and so on might be like atm.

SO sorry for you - it is awful for the whole family.

optimisticmumma · 17/03/2009 22:48

Leenie - I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your DD. You are going through a horrific time at the moment. Make sure you get the help you need. This too will pass.
Keep posting, we're all here for you.

Leenie · 18/03/2009 00:13

i have had a bad day with DD today, she finally came home after going out on sunday evening, she called me at work to say she was home, but by the time i got in at 4 she had left again,

i called her and asked her to come home early and to find out what she would like for dinner, she got in at 7 ish and said she felt dizzy and dehydrated as she hadnt eaten or drank all day, so i made her a drink and some dinner, she ate about 3 forkfulls if that, and said she felt sick,

unfortunately this turned into an argument, as i am desperate for her to eat properly, my GP also called me today as she needs to go back and see her urgently, she has been bleeding menstrually now for 4 weeks, so i know that must be making her weak too,

i feel like i am not getting anywhere, she is refusing to go to the doctors tomorrow as she says she has plans, i feel like she has gotten worse with her eating since they told us she is anorexic,almost as though starving herself is a new way to get attention, yet i feel so horrible for even thinking or saying that,

i shouldnt have shouted but i feel so frustrated and agitated at the moment because i cant do anything to change what is going on in my home,
she has an appt with the adolescant mental health unit re-booked for next tuesday as she did not turn up for the last one on monday, i am worrying that she will disappear and not turn up for that one either, so i have booked a few days of work starting this thurs so i can keep an eye on her,

i also think she was avoiding coming home as she knows i am watching her, my other dd says that she told her she hasn't eaten since sunday, i am going to go to the GP tomorrow with or without her and beg them for help as i do not know what else to do, i dreamt last night that i had to identify her body on railway tracks, i felt like sobbing on the train to work this morning, she is also having nightmares, i think her sleep patern is upside down and thats not helping her.

i have joined a group from one of the links given to me on here, so thanks again for all ur support , advice and links, x will let you know how it goes with GP tomorrow, God bless x

OP posts:
pipsqueak · 18/03/2009 00:19

good luck for tomorrow - sounds horrendous for you all - do hope you get some help soon to deal with this xx

tatt · 18/03/2009 08:26

Leenie you are doing the right thing by saying you will go with or without her.

If she says she feels sick try to keep calm, let her stop eating and say have a bit more later. Or try offering things like drinking chocolate that have some nutritional value.

Really feel that she needs to be sectioned if she won't accept treatment any other way. Ask the doctor if that is an option. Sometimes threatening that you will sue them if your child dies is necessary to get appropriate medical treatment, don't be afraid to say that or to show how badly worried you are.

Leenie · 18/03/2009 12:29

Well i have managed to get an appointment for 5pm this evening after arguing the toss for about 20 minutes with the receptionist, my DD has dissapeared off out of the house this morning, even though she has severe stomach cramps, i have called the adolescent M/H unit, but there is no one on campus, so i am waiting on someone to call back( since 10 am), all DD has had this morning is a glass of ribena, she says she cant eat as her throat is hurting her, thanks Tatt for the advice re, GP i did actually refuse to accept that there were no appts till fri, and after a struggle they have fitted me in today because i have told them that she is on the verge of collapsing if someone doesnt help me.

OP posts:
optimisticmumma · 18/03/2009 15:24

Well done Leenie! You are doing all you can. You sound like a great mum and taking a few days off will help you feel more in control. When my DD was suffering from ME, my GP refused to diagnose it and told me it was all in her head I ended up having a major row and asking 'what would you do if this were your daughter?'. I knew he had one and it took him aback. Needless to say he's been a pussycat ever since! Sometimes you have to get stroppy especially in your case where you are worried over your DDs state of mind.
Make sure you look after second DD and reassure her too regarding her sister - it must be scary for her too. Do you have some support for yourself?
Good luck tonight and keep posting...

Swipe left for the next trending thread