Teenage daughter has been diagnosed as annorexic, i feel like i am going mad

[Leenie]

My DD aged 17 has just been diagnosed this week as having annorexia, i feel so helpless, she is not accepting anything that she is being told, she had an appointment with a doctor and phsyciatrist today and she has basically not come home last night and not turned up today for her appointment , when i called her she said she's not going cos she's tired and wanted me to call and say she was sick, i told her i could not do this as it was important that she attends, so she hung up, the DR called me and told me she was not answering her phone to them, My DD is only 9 stone and she's 5'11 tall, i have asked me GP endlessly if her being so skinny was ok and kept getting told that shes just very tall and small boned as she has mild osteoporosis due to juvenille rhumatoid arthritis, she has been suffering from depression for a while,and in the last few months things have gotten really quite bad, as she has gone from having good days where she is quite happy to mostly terrible days where she is abusive tearful and has even been self harming, cutting her arms, she has threatened to kill her self three times , it came to a head last week when i got a call at work from my younger DD worrying that she was hurting herself as she had locked herself in her room and was saying she was going to be dead soon, i had already taken her to my GP re, the self harming and threats so they were aware of the situation, i called them on my way back home to her and they told me i needed to call an ambulance and have her admitted to hospital,when i got in i had to force her door open and she had tied a noose from a beam in her ceiling, and was intending to hang herself, i thought i was going to pass out when i saw the state she was in, so i dialled 999, unfortunately she refused to go so the police had to be called in and she was taken by them under a section 4, i was heartbroken, and all the way there in the ambulance she swore at me and told me i had lost a daughter, she also managed to escape from the A&E dept and had to be taken off a bus and brought back by the police, she went through so much trauma that day and by the end of it just broke down and accepted that she had problems and needed help, i don't know what to do as her mum to help her, i love her so much and it is killing me seeing her so ill and unhappy, but she just doesnot seem to want to help herself,my beautiful DD left school at 16 with 12 a-c GCSE's and was at college studying medical sciences in the hope of being a doctor, then she was robbed by a gang of about 9 boys and girls in our area, this started the downward spiral, and after nearly a year of court cases etc, (of which the two main culprits got a £30 fine) we have a great judicial system(NOT!!), and DS being threatened and bullied at college because she had pressed charges, she dropped out and hasn;t really done anything since, the little b#st#rds got off so lightly as they were under 16, i know i am babbling now and this is so long, but i have so much to say and no one to say it to..i have never known anyone with annorexia, so i am hoping that theres a mum on here who might understand how i feel right now

hope you got some help, you're doing all you can.

what a shitty day, after waiting at the doctors surgery for nearly an hour they announced that my GP was running to late and would not make the surgery, so i have to call after 8 in the morning and try for another emergency appt, ,

DD has had bad stomach cramps all evening, but i refused to give her pain killers unless she ate something first as i felt worried about her taking paracetamol on an empty stomach, she has lost a couple of quite big clots too tonight and feels sick but she did manage to eat a chicken leg (well most of it) and a glass of milk, so i have given her two paracetamol and she's gone to bed.

My DD2 has really upset me as she has stolen money that i left on my bed side table for the baby's milk and baby foods, it hurts that she would do that to me as she knows i am struggling at the moment" can it get any worse???" i know she is probably just acting up because she doesn't fully understand whats going on with her sister, but she also skipped school, so i spent all day worrying where she was,

as if things couldn't get worse, my DP bought me a box of cadbury's chocolate fingers to cheer me up this evening, i left them on mt bedside table and went down stairs to make a cup of tea, when i came back up , my DD2's dog had been in my room and got hold of the box eaten them, i actually burst out laughing, i just felt like bursting into tears but laughed instead, all i wanted was a nice cuppa and some comfort eating and the bloody dog beat me to it

Well done you for keeping on going (and for managing to laugh). Your dd is lucky to have you fighting her corner and pushing for her to get some help - she may not appreciate it now, but someone without a Mum like you could so easily give up trying to get support.

My older dd who was depressed and suicidal in her teens, has bought tickets for us to see Ross Noble - so tonight we will be laughing together. I remember the days when that would have seemed impossible.

So difficult at the same time to be tough with your other teenager - you just have to keep on going with it and letting them know where you want expect the boundaries to be set (even if they push against them and cross them).

maybe DD2 is attention seeking? Good for you being able to laugh about it.

Today has been a more positive start, DD;s doctor appt went quite well, she had her blood sugar taken which wasn't too bad, she has been prescribed energy/carbohydrate drinks that have over 1000 calories in each carton, they are used as supplements for malnutrition related diseases, so she has to drink one a day aswell as eating what she can, my GP said they will give her energy and hopefully improve her appetite,

DD has actually been in a better mood today, we went shopping and she ate a steakbake and a donut, DH brought her home sweet pancakes and she ate them too, my GP said as hard as it is i have to stop going on (nagging) her to eat,she said you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink, which is true, also when i nag she dissappears and doesnt always come home,

so the plan is to keep a diary of what she is eating i will make dinners etc and offer it to her but if she doesnt eat it i mustnt try and force her as i may make it worse, we have to go back to re assess next week,

She had lost a pound in weight since they weighed her last week but they said her blood sugars werent alarming, DD has been told that this is her opportunity to help herself, and she has to take it, if she doesn't comply with the supplements and has lost more weight next week, they are going to assess whether hospitalisation is the answer,

she has also been told she has to stop taking the pill, she is too underweight and the GP is worried that it maybe causing the bleeding and pain, so they need t rule that out,
i have let DD choose the food shopping, and bought as many snacking ready made things as i can so that she has easy and quick access to food, but i am definately feeling positive about things for the first time since all of this started, she was quite pleased that she got to choose what she wanted for once, as usually my DD2 is the only one who will come food shopping so she ends up choosing things, diary starts tommorow,

That's great, Leenie. Really hope it continues. Any chance she might get interested in "cooking" - at least ading topping to pizza or making cakes, anything to build her up a bit?

Great news leenie. I'm sure your doc is right regarding the nagging it just doesn't help but it's so hard to stop as it's the expression of your worry. DD2 will probably stop acting up now that everything seems more under control. Have a nice weekend and keep eating the chocolate. (if dog doesn't get to it first!)

Hi Leenie

I could be reading my own story here! My DD (? darling daughter ?) has been depressed and self harming for a few years. The not eating is a new thing now. It was happening once in a while but it is becoming very frequent now. She tends to eat half a bagel for breakfast, not sure what she has for lunch and eats a few mouthfuls of her tea. In the past she has always eaten again when she gets hungry, but that is not as often at the moment.

She sees a counsellor and is on Fluoxetine, she has been diagnosed with clinical depression, and as she is over 16 they have agreed to see her and not tell us what they talk about. Which makes it hard for us as we dont really know which tack to take when she is having a mood swing.

I could run on and on about this but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Maybe one of us will come up with the answer. And notsoclever is right, she is lucky to have you fighting in her corner. All we can do is be there for them, through good and bad, and keep the channels open.

Good luck x x x

Hi Leenie, so sorry that you are going through this. I had anorexia for many years (now completely, fully recovered) and I know I put my family through hell. Incidentally, my anorexia was also exacerbated my teenage experiences of violence and feeling unsafe.

It is vitally important that you find ways of getting support for yourself - you may be in for a long haul. I would second the suggestion that you contact beat. Back in my day, they ran self-help groups and family support groups, and also had lists of counsellors round the country.