15 yr old boy alternately sullen, cynical, unenthusiastic, unmotivated but flipping without warning...

[duchesse]

..to cheerful, chatty, charming and jokey. And he is most certainly no on drugs, before anyone raises that as a possibility.

He's doing my head in.

He has GCSEs this year, and has plans for A levels that mean he is going to have to do a lot of work in maths to get to a standard where he can do what he wants. I predicted an A* in French as long he does some bloody work.

But will he do any? Will he talk at all about why he won't do any extra work? Will he respond to any questions about why he won't do any work? Will he heck...

Am at a serious loss to understand him. Other people's teens I can handle (am a trained sec school teacher), but not my own.

claricebean- I think that teenage boys do get hormonal flashes just like girls, but I would actually quiz him quite carefully about what is going on at school- a complete change of personality might point to difficulties there rather teenage. FWIW, counselling does seem to work very well, and I would definitely ask for a referral for him- losing your temper spectacularly like that is embarrassing for a teenager at a time in their life when they want to be ultra-cool. As a teacher, I would have say it is relatively rare for a child to completely lose it at school unless they are under a loss of stress- either from home or from something else. You sound like a lovely concerned mum so I'm thinking the stresses may be at school. This may require some extensive detective work as he almost certainly won't want to share what it is with you if he hasn't already.

Also, is he eating properly (complex carbs and good source of protein at lunch for example?) When teens are growing fast, they can get hypoglycaemic quite easily unless they are kept topped up, and this could easily lead to angry episodes. (also, any diabetes in the family?)

The school sound very supportive- have you made an appointment with his tutor?

So I had a talk with the boy last night about his motivation, and he said this:

"I'm a bit unlucky, really", he said, "in that I'm bright enough to get OK results without doing any work. If I were less bright I'd have to work harder, and if I were brighter I could do better effortlessly."

After I'd finished taking slight issue with his being unlucky (roof, food, warmth and education, vs the 90% of the boys of his age in the world who are already out working to help support their families...), we had a talk about how to achieve what he wants. He knows he has to do some work, but he can't seem to be able to summon up the effort.

Any ideas? Am thinking of hoiking him around a few universities to show him what it's about and maybe spur him into action.

Well, this sounds like my boy 2 years ago. He went into a decline at this time of year and was predicted to fail every GCSE, despite being very clever. I got loads of help from MN and my thread may still be on 'teenagers' somewhere. It might be worth searching for the advice I was given.

He ended up doing ok at GCSE, but got a nasty shock at AS time, as he hadn't done very much work at all.

He faces A-levels this summer and seems to be working well and has a complete change of attitude.

At GCSE time, he was going down the Physics, Chemistry, Maths route because he thought this was what he wanted.

2 years down the line it's all changed.

He is planning a degree in Philosphy and is doing A-levels in History, English and Law and is predicted As. His enthusiasm for these three subjects is beyond imagination - he talks for hours about the rise of communism, cuban missile crisis, complex political/philopsphical subjects etc. A changed boy!

I think it's down to two things - finally finding his 'real' interest and, interestingly, hitching up with a VERY academic girlfriend!

gosh themoon, that is reassuring! There is hope yet for my idle little toerag son.

duchesse... I understand how it makes YOU feel. I remember DS weeping and sobbing. He himself didn't understand why he was feeling as he was, and me asking why was no help to him.

Looking back, I think DS was depressed. I think most teenagers get these huge mood swings that the 'down' bits are on a level with true depression. There is nothing as demotivating as depression.

The Moon, I remember that thread and sympathised at the time as it sounded as though you were having a real uphill struggle. It's so good to hear that your lad has found his direction and wish you both all the best.

AAAAAAARRRRRGH!

Geography. coursework. kill. the little. sod.

just AAAAAARRRRGH!

I think you should be extremely impressed that he has so much going for him ...no such thing as perfection ...count your blessings and ease off ...he will most likely do it eventually ...he sounds like he wants and needs control of his future ...he will make you proud even if he doesnt do what he or you wanted him to initially ..as long as he is a wonderful productive kind human being ..thats the most important dream we should have for our children . any thing else is a real bonus

Oh ladies!

I am SO SO SOOOOO glad it is not just me!!!

My SS (no D at the moment...) dropped a bombshell of a 2000 word essay based on a play he went to see weeks ago. Did he make any notes? No. Did he suddendly decide he had to start the essay the evening before it was due in? Yes. Oh, and it counts to his GSCE GRADE.
I could have KILLED him last night!!

He then acts as if it's MY FAULT!?!?!!!! because I won't help, or at least expect him to do SOME of the work before I can help him.

Sorry, just feel I need to rant about this without resorting to screaming at him. He is SO demotivated and he has this "I'm going to fail" attitude whihc I can't stand. DP is supportive but struggles with the English side of things anyway (Maths is his forte!)I mean, his grammar, his spelling, his vocabulary are all APPALLING and I'm shocked that he has been able to get away with it for so long. I'm worried he's going to end up failing everything. His big career move is he wants to be front line army...which is fine. But he has no discipline and I don't think will take to kindly to being shouted orders at by anyone!!

Thanks