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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Weekend bed time for 13 yr old DD?

26 replies

MotherOfGirls · 02/02/2009 19:44

At the moment she goes upstairs at 9.30pm and lights go out at 10pm. She tells me her friends all go to bed whenever they like at weekends. It this true?!

OP posts:
janeite · 02/02/2009 19:52

No! My dd1 is 13 and goes between 9.30 and 10.30 at weekends, depending on what we're doing. Normal weekday bedtime is 9.15 with lights out at half past.

LongDroopyBoobyLady · 02/02/2009 19:52

I have DD (also 13) who tells me the same thing. I'm really not worried what other children's bedtimes are but in our house her bedtime is 9.30pm whether it's during the week or weekend. As much as anything it's so that DH and I can have some time together without her listening in on our conversation!

There is some flexibility around the weekend i.e. if she wants to go to bed and watch a DVD or have friends over and stay up a bit later but generally the rule is 9.30pm.

Do what feels right for you and your situation/family.

janeite · 02/02/2009 19:52

All of dd's friends go whenever they like as well - allegedly.

BlueBumedFly · 02/02/2009 19:52

Same times for us, however, I am sure the TV rulemakers who put all the flippin celeb 'strictly come whatsit' 'dancing on anything' etc. are trying to make our lives are parents 1000000% harder by putting the results shows on so late. Surely they must know their target audience starts at 10 years old or younger?

What time do you do during the week? We have just upgraded to reading at 8.30am with lights out at 9.

DD1 (almost 13) will agree her friends go to bed at the same time at weekends but DD2 (11) would have us believe her mates go on all night raves to 6am if they like.... yawn.

Original poster
MotherOfGirls · 02/02/2009 20:16

Hi BBF. DD is at boarding school and so on school nights her age group has lights out at 10pm, which is why I'm thinking perhaps she should be allowed to be up later at weekends / holidays.

DH favours current arrangement, as it gives us an hour before we fall asleep too! But I want as much of her as possible while she is at home!

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 02/02/2009 20:21

My dd is 13 and she goes up at 9pm on a week day. Weekends, it depends what's going on really, but I like to make sure she's in bed with lights out by 10.30.

WEESLEEKITLauriefairycake · 02/02/2009 20:23

I will be sending dd to bed no later than 9 ever as I need an hour with DH.

Currently she's nearly 11 and goes at 8.

Original poster
MotherOfGirls · 02/02/2009 20:28

Thanks, ladies. Lights out at 10.30pm is looking like a good option.

OP posts:
fuckerForMyValentine · 02/02/2009 20:30

yeh, and I bet your dd's friends all have laptops, go uptown every weekend, get 20 quid spending money, stay off school if they have a sniffle, don't have to do any chores around the house, don't get forced to do homework.......

and so on, ad infinitum

just like my dd13's friends !!

BCNS · 02/02/2009 20:30

DS1(13) goes when he likes.. but will take himself off at about 9.15.. after the first week of trying to stay up till midnight and suffering the next morning .. he soon learnt

Original poster
MotherOfGirls · 02/02/2009 20:36

Thanks BCNS. I was wondering if that might happen if we let her 'do her own thing'. Not sure whether I want to risk it! Do you have to work at being boring so that he goes off at 9.15pm? I can imagine DD sticking it out until we went to bed every night.

OP posts:
BCNS · 02/02/2009 20:38

no it wasn't too bad really.. he just did it himself..

smartiejake · 02/02/2009 20:42

No DD goes to bed at 9 ish with a bit of reading then lights out around 9.15. At the weekends it's not much later.

Lots of DDs friends do seem to go to bed later than her but I don't let that influence me (much to her annoyance!)

Gunnerbean · 02/02/2009 20:43

Why do all children have to go to bed at the same time and why would you send your child to bed at a certain time on the say so of others?

Children are different and some need less sleep than others. So, just because one 13 year old goes to sleep by 10 pm at weekends does that mean that all 13 year olds should, or should be expected to as well?

Personally I think that a 13 year old child should be able to decide what time they want to go to bed on non school nights (within reason), in my house, I'd say any time up to midnight would be OK with me but then maybe I'm a bit more laid back than some here.

10weeks · 02/02/2009 20:51

I have 14 and 16 year olds and I can't remember the last time I told them to go to sleep. They sleep when they are tired!

However if they are still downstairs at 9- 9.30 I tell them to go up and read/do something quietly in their rooms so that dh and I get a little time to ourselves. They are never tired in the morning, they just go to sleep when they are ready

cory · 02/02/2009 21:08

Am strict with bedtimes in the week, but on weekends and when on holiday I really don't think it matters, unless we are doing something in the morning.

Don't feel the need to have adult time in the evenings by now- a 12yo is hardly a baby who drains my energy by her mere existence. It is not the case that she is making demands on me every minute she is awake.

MaureenMLove · 02/02/2009 21:16

I agree actually. Thinking about it, the only thing I enforce is the going upstairs at 9pm on school nights and around 10 or 11'ish on weekends. DD is able to decide for herself, if she's tired, but I do think there is a time when she should be upstairs, so to speak. There are still things on the TV that I would rather she didn't watch and adult time is still important.

mumeeee · 02/02/2009 21:18

DD3 is 17 ans since she was 16 has ben allowed to go to bed when ever she likes. She often choosses to go at 9 althoughat 14 her bedtime was 9'30 in the week and 10 at weekends.

Original poster
MotherOfGirls · 03/02/2009 08:01

Thanks all. It is really helpful to see how other people handle it. You have given me some food for thought .......

OP posts:
atowncalledalice · 03/02/2009 08:20

DS1 (now 17) used to go upstairs at 9.30 in the week when he was 13. Weekends he had to be upstairs by 10.30 unless we were doing something special. Once he was upstairs I pretty much left him to it, on the proviso that he got up for school at 7 without complaining.

bagsforlife · 03/02/2009 08:54

DS2 goes about 10 on school nights, later at weekends I was much more severe with my older DCs. But can't be bothered to enforce it now. Always gets up on time for school, is never off sick, does homework etc.

If he's tired, he will go earlier.

lisalisa · 03/02/2009 08:58

Hmmmm - I've found this interesting as my 12 yr old dd ( just 12 yrs) is starting to go to bed later and later. As dh and I are so busy putting 4 younger kids to bed and then collapsing with dinner/bath we hardly seem to notice until its suddenly 10.00pm at which point we say " Dd - what are you still doing up - time for bed!" By the time she gets in bed after faffing etc its more often than not 10.30pm before she's physically asleep.

Thanks all for your benchmark of 9.30pm for your 13 yr olds. I will adopt this now for dd. Do you mean in bed asleep by 9.30 or just in her room starting to wind down?

mrsmaidamess · 03/02/2009 08:59

My 13 yr old dd tries to hang on downstiars until 11 at the weekends..but then dh and I would never have any time just the two of us. So she goes up at 10 and faffs around doing whatever she does until about 11 anyway.

smartiejake · 03/02/2009 09:36

Asleep by 9.30 (ideally). The wind down starts from 9 when she goes up to get ready and read for a while.

lisalisa · 03/02/2009 10:48

Right thanks - prepare for battle tonight then!