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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My son has turned into a monster

31 replies

desertmum · 24/01/2009 13:21

I know it's his hormones and I know it's fairly normal but my daughter has got to 14 without too much stress. My son now 12 has turned into a monster literally overnight. He's rude, answers back, says no when we ask him to do something, gives us the sneery look when asked to do his homework. He's gone from a loving, likeable boy to a horror. Please please tell me it will pass.

aaaaaaaaaaagh

OP posts:

FossilSister · 24/01/2009 13:35

Watch Harry Enfield's Kevin and Perry and know you are not alone.

violethill · 24/01/2009 13:54

It will pass.

Gin helps.

Shoshe · 24/01/2009 13:58

DS was like this from 14 till about 21 [sorry]

He did grow out of it tho and now at thirty is lovely, I do put that down to DDIL knocking him into shape tho

random · 24/01/2009 13:58

He should enter the living in his room stage fairly soon ...only emerging to eat and grunt followed by the lynx stage [usually a girl involved]

Good luck!

mummyflood · 24/01/2009 14:06

Early days. Can you still decipher what he is actually saying when he is rude/answers back?

Yes it will pass...into grunts, undiscernable moaning, vacant looks, smelly pits, bum fluff on face,.....

Gin helps, so does maintaining a sense of humour when all else fails. That loving likeable boy will return, indeed is still there somewhere...bless him!!

bagsforlife · 24/01/2009 16:16

Ignoring it helps. Gives him more point of being obnoxious if it winds you up. Only speak to him when he is in more 'pleasant' mood.

Have learnt over the years of teenagerdom from mine that what you may perceive as a completely normal question or comment is, in fact, interpreted as a gross and ridiculous invasion of their privacy. Thus only speak when spoken to in future in their presence.

You will also find your DS is probably positively delightful in front of his friends' parents.

Gin helps, as does cold white wine.

Original poster

desertmum · 25/01/2009 12:30

Thank you all so much - you have made me laugh about my little darling . I just hope I live long enough to see him with teenage sons . . .

Have a great day

OP posts:

MrsWeasley · 25/01/2009 12:35

OMG I am shaking in my boots now, my DS is a delight and has just turned 12 PLEASE dont tell me is will be like his 13 yo sister I cant cope with 2 of them stomping and bangin doors. Oh and that "look" they do when you ask them to do anything (please pick up your coat, homework etc)
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO it will not happen to MY little boy.

bagsforlife · 25/01/2009 19:03

Actually my ex teens weren't really too bad overall. You just have to get used to the slightly different behaviour, and THEIR friends were always delightful to me.....

As long as they are not doing anything illegal, dangerous, life-threatening, its probably just as well to carry on as normal and do not treat them any differently. Only have a proper fight over the very major things.

Teenagers don't have to be horrid. Sometimes I think expectation of 'teenage' behaviour almost makes it happen, IYSWIM.

My DS2 (13) hasn't actually 'turned' yet and is still v pleasant, but am wondering if this is just because I have lowered my standards.....

peggotty · 25/01/2009 19:14

pmsl random 'the lynx phase'

TiggyR · 06/02/2009 18:09

Hi, I'm new here, first post! Glad to find this section and thread - I was worried it would be all pregnant 28 year olds. Anyway...I have two teenaged sons, 16 and nearly 14. Dealing with the 'terrible twos' was a doddle compared to this. My eldest was was born cantankerous and curmugeonly so no change there then, but my middle son used to have such a sunny disposition, so all this bolshiness is hard to stomach. Someone said gin helps, and yes I can vouch for that, regularly, twice a night!!! My eldest son cannot speak to me in anything less than an aggressive scathing fashion and usually bites my head off before I can even finish a sentence, so long conversations are out. Yet he is a good, sensible harworking boy who never lets me down on the important things in life, and his teachers and other people generally find him polite and delightful. Go figure. Sometimes it's easier to just co-exist in pleasant silence as anything I say seems guaranteed to start a row! My middle son is generally more chatty and approachable, less intense and private, but he's the one I have more of a headache with in terms of behaviour at school etc. He's always messing around, hanging out with the class clowns, and getting detention for something that 'isn't fair' and the teachers are always 'picking on' him! All of them - which is an amazing coincidence... But again, I know he's basically a good boy at heart, very clever, hardworking, good moral compass, just a bit silly and full of himself at the moment. I know exactly how you feel. Just keep repeating the mantra 'It's not his fault - he can't help it, it is normal, it WILL pass! Get yourself one of those posters that says KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON, and look at it regularly-it helps! I have a nine year old son as well and he's my best buddy and soulmate for the moment at least. I've probably got another 4 years max before he 'turns'! Hey-ho, life's rich pattern and all that.

Original poster

desertmum · 08/02/2009 13:59

I had hoped I was going to get off easy - but no such luck. Altho tbh he is OK at the moment. He has always been such a lovely boy it's come as a bit of a surprise! I work at a nursery and when the parents are stressing about sucking thumbs, security blankets etc. I think 'just you wait . . . ' the little darlings!

OP posts:

sincitylover · 10/02/2009 20:58

Do your sons use foul and abusive language. I am ashamed to say that my DS1 has started to continously use this. I am constantly telling him not to swear but it has no effect.

I am not against swearing per se but do object to a constant stream of it.

Tonight he and DS2 (7) have had a major fight involving me stepping in to separate them because I thought they were in a dangerous situation.

They fight alot especially after they meet up again after the school day (usually at about 6.30pm

I am wondering where I am going wrong and whether to get our local community police to call round to talk to him about the use of abusive language.

My exH is no help whatsoever. Just rings me when I have them to complain at me about their behaviour.

sincitylover · 10/02/2009 20:59

PS DS1 is 12 and is in second term of Year 7.

In many ways he seems to have settled in well.

I said I would talk to his tutor and he said I'll bunk. I don't really think he would but was a bit to hear him say that.

is this normal behaviour ie the swearing and anger.

sincitylover · 11/02/2009 11:46

bumping in case anyone has any views

Original poster

desertmum · 12/02/2009 16:04

It seems to me that swearing amongst young teens is much more prevalent than when I was that age (but I am quite old!) - I guess it's around them more due to TV, internet etc. However, mine don't use it around me, although I'm sure they do around their friends . . . . Personal question I know but have you been apart from your exH for long ? Could it be a reaction to that ? Boys are so hard at touchy feely talk - perhaps he's stressed ? It could be a habit he's got into that he just needs to break. COuld you impose some ground rules re swearing ? Fine him, ground him ? Sorry, not much help I know, but do hope it gets better for you.

OP posts:

Monkeygi · 16/02/2009 21:29

Urghhhhh. Swearing (we don't swear on the whole), tantrums like a toddler, whining, moaning, mucking about at school with umpteen detentions ("not my fault." Teacher picking on me." etc etc.) Rude and aggressive towards DH, ("why don't you just die"). Sneery face, muttering under breath, ME ME ME ME ME. And yet- incredibly sweet with his baby brother.
ExDH says (with wide eyes) he's not like that with him. (No but that's because you don't make him do homework, go to bed at a reasonable hour, do chores, eat healthily etc etc.)
DS is only just 13!!!

waycat · 17/02/2009 19:18

Oh this sounds all too depressingly familiar

DS1 is 14 and although he was a little horror for a while, he came through relatively quickly and uneventfully.

DS2 on the other hand is completely the opposite. He will be 13 next month, and in recent months has started turning red, growing horns and a forked tail! You wouldn't think it was the same boy sometimes.

He still has his soppy moments and tells me he loves me, but sometimes it's like walking on egg shells whenever you want to say anything to him.

I don't like it atall, but keep holding on to the fact that at the end of the tunnel there is a small, faint glimmer of light and - like his older brother - he will hopefully get over this stage before too long.

Luckily neither of my two DS's use any bad language, at least not to me or their dad. I guess I have to be thankful for that.

kissmummy · 17/02/2009 20:09

my DSS is 18 and if anything he is getting worse not better. he was lovely at 12; is vile now. i hope your son comes out of it a bit quicker.

pocketmonster · 27/02/2009 11:29

This is a very interesting thread and exactly what I was looking for!

My neighbour has just been talking to me, she and her husband are at their wits end and just don't know how to deal with their DS's behaviour - he is 15. His school have told her he is rude and arrogant and he gets lots of detentions which she has only just found out about as he forges their signatures on the note that comes home. He doesn't want to interact with the family at all, doesn't wash, he is apparently sneering and rude, won't do anything he's told and has told them that he doesn't want his friends at the house because he doesn't like them so why should they.

They are a lovely family, have always done lots of things together, their daughter who is 12 is great - is his behaviour normal and how should they deal with it/react to it/him?

Any help much appreciated.

mamas12 · 27/02/2009 21:58

omg this is my ds too now. But I miss the old one I really do. I feel so sad not to have him around anymore and this cuckoo that has been planted here is just so alien. I don't know the language or anything . Help!

LouIsAHappyLittleVegemite · 01/03/2009 13:30

Oh this thread is great. Two of my four charges (im the nanny) are 14 and 9 and have turned into the most obnoxious, rude horrible boys. I can understand why parents crack. The 14 year old is 15 in two weeks and is 6'4 so it makes it hard to yell 'up' at hime. Ive never nannied a teenage boy in all my nannying years and my parents sent us to boarding school so never experienced it first hand. Any suggestions for coping before I lose it completely????

pocketmonster · 23/03/2009 17:37

bump

dizzydance · 23/03/2009 22:16

My 2 ds are 14 and 15. I have had an awful couple of years but they seem to be slightly improving at times, though they certainly have their moments! It is like walking on eggshells, as in previous post, especially ds2. It got to the point when I dreaded him coming home from school, its like here we go again, all peace is shattered.
He is still the most difficult of the 2. Its like hormone household around here. Oh for the joys of when they were small and had baths, bedtime story and were asleep by 7.30. Now they never want to go to bed, then they never want to get out of bed before lunchtime. At least I have my weekend layins back. Bliss!

Willow65 · 04/04/2009 13:14

Has anyone had even more extreme behaviour similar to what i am experiencing with my 13 year old DS. He has started having blind anger rages with a terrible attitude and punches walls/doors, throws and smashes things and is almost spits venom when in a rage. It is has resulted in him being referred to the Child Adolescent Mental Health Service who say that it is behavioural and not pyschiatric even though he is almost self harming by thumping and hitting his own face to the extent of blacking his own eyes. I am single mum with another 10 year old DS and my life is currently in turmoil because of all this and soon at risk of losing my job because of the amount of time I have had of work recently trying to get some help for my eldest DS. He is also refusing any contact with his father. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?

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