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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 15 wants a girl for a sleepover ??????

49 replies

fizzbuzz · 23/01/2009 11:05

He says she has a boyfriend, but my ds and her are good friends (I've never met her).

He sleeps in the attic, so I can't always monitor what is happeneing. He reckons they will stay up until 1.00am, and the go to sleep in seperate rooms...but on the same floor (the other attic)...

I have said No, but apparently everyone else is allowed to do this

I don't feel happy or comfortable about it. He has stopmed off to school in a strop. I'm not really being a mean old witch am I?

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 23/01/2009 11:26

No, I don't think you are. DD 16 has been going out with her bf for over a year and I have only just let him sleep over on NYE. Him in the lounge and her upstairs

If she has a bf, what would he think of her sleeping over at a boy's house? Think it is a bit strange and I personally wouldn't want to get into all that. When DD has asked before I have told her he can stay late as long as he is picked up at sometime.

singyswife · 23/01/2009 11:29

Hi there My nephew is 15 and had a mixed sleepover for his birthday. The girls were in one room and the boys in another and nothing happened. If they are genuinely just friends and she has a boyfriend then they wont want to get up to anything. Boys and girls can just be friends. I would personally trust them and let it happen (dh wouldnt as we have dd's but I would).

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 23/01/2009 11:47

Now a mixed sleepover would be different...safety in numbers and all that, but just him and her, all alone on the top floor

I have 2 older ds's They never wanted anything like this

OP posts:
skirt · 23/01/2009 11:49

Depends if you trust him I guess. Dont think I would have a massive problem, but my dd is 16 and has been to mixed sleepovers with no probs, but not one on one like this

mrsdisorganised · 23/01/2009 11:50

My best friend through school was a boy and we regularly stayed at one anothers houses, in separate bedrooms obviously. There was alot of trust and respect between my parents and us it worked! There was never any 'other' intention.

Katw3kitts · 23/01/2009 11:51

Bit odd

I would not allow this.

A mixed sleepover is a different thing.

However I would still not allow it ... I value my sleep too much !

ajandjjmum · 23/01/2009 11:53

Ds and one of his mates were friendly with a couple of girls during their Fifth Form at school. They had sleepovers where they all shared one room at all of their houses - but at various times they each had boyfriends/girlfriends - it was genuine friendship.

I would be iffy about it being just two of them though, although if they are in different rooms, you can't go far wrong - especially if you've got squeaky floorboards like us!

Let's face it, if they're going to 'get up to anything' they can do it anyway.

Have you asked your older ds's what they think?

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 23/01/2009 11:57

Actualy I do trust him. But I'm a teacher and know a bit about child protection issues.

If they were to get up to anything, and she became pregnant, or someone found out what they were up to, I could be held responsible as they are both underage. A bit like aiding and abetting, or collusion, or just giving them the opportunity.

I think it's becasue of what I know that is making me so hesitant. So whilst I do believe him, I think it could be dodgy ground legally

OP posts:
nickschick · 23/01/2009 11:59

I think id say no tbh.

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 23/01/2009 12:00

Dss 19 thinks it's odd....

OP posts:
skirt · 23/01/2009 13:17

Weeeeeell I think worrying about child protection issues is a bit extreme, but whadoino. Can you call the girls parents and see what they think? They may absolutely hate the idea/not have a clue that it was being discussed anyway. I certainly wouldnt allow it without speaking to her parents.

RiaParkinson · 23/01/2009 13:18

i would say no

hercules1 · 23/01/2009 13:19

I wouldnt for the reasons you've just stated fizzbizz (teacher too).

bagsforlife · 23/01/2009 13:34

Why don't you tell your DS the reason you are worried? If they really are just friends he should understand why you are concerned, or ask to phone her parents and see what they think.

Could she not stay but stay in a different room (in sleeping bag on settee in sitting room or something), ie not up in the attic and so you will be able to obviously hear when she has to come downstairs.

We have two rooms like yours in the attic so I know what you mean. DD used to have bf to stay with him 'sleeping' in the other room but they were 18!

rolandbrowning · 23/01/2009 13:42

You should speak to her parents and see what they think, also to make sure they are aware of it.

skay · 23/01/2009 13:48

Couldn't you ask DS 19 to sleep upstairs for the night, and she could sleep on the same floor as you?

Speak to her parents too, make sure they are aware of it.

Pimmpom · 23/01/2009 13:54

I would still say why does she have to stay? Let her come over on a Sat and stay till 12.00/1.00 am and listen to music etc but really no need to sleep over.

Coldtits · 23/01/2009 13:56

no way. My best friend's sister was pregnant at 15 because we all had a mixed sleepover. She wasn't the only one who had sex either, it's just that I was older, wiser, and on th pill!

mamamila · 23/01/2009 15:18

i think it depends on your son's/ his friends attitudes/ intentions. my ds 16 emerged sunday morning with his 2 best friends in tow, a girl and a boy, they'd all crashed in his bed fully clothed as he didn't want to wake the house sorting out bedding for sofas etc..i was a bit suprised and would insist she slept on sofa next time but they're a tight 3 bf's and go everywhere together
i'd say talk to ds and make any rules fair

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 23/01/2009 15:47

I've told him, he could have entire front room to himself and her (with Sky!), and she could sleep in dd's room.

But when he put that proposal to her, she said there was no point. So I did try to compromise for him, but he is such a teenager!

Also I haven't even met this girl either, so it all seems a bit sudden. Glad another teacher on here thinks like this. When I have talked to memebers of staff at school with teenage kids, they tend to think like me.

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 23/01/2009 15:50

What does she mean "there's no point"

2pt4kids · 23/01/2009 15:54

Sounds like she has ulterior motoves then even if he doesnt!

Pimmpom · 23/01/2009 15:54

Sounds like you have been very reasonable Fizzbuzz. More reasonable than me

Lins75 · 23/01/2009 17:24

I wouldn't allow this.
Personally I think it's a lie that she has a boyfriend because he probably wouldn't let her sleep over at another guys house.

My 15 year old DSD is going out with her boyfriend for almost a year and hasn't even asked this as she knows the answer.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 23/01/2009 17:29

In what world is nothing going to hapen, dopnt you remember being a teenager?

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